KrazyDevil Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 So a little over a month ago my ex and me took a break. About a week and a half ago she decided that it would be best for us to just break up. I have initiated NC from that point (we had LC for a bit because we lived together). I havent talked to her in any form in almost 2 weeks and havent seen her since we took our "break". My main question is that when I decided to go NC I really didnt tell her that I was going to stop talking to her. I just did it. Does anyone think its wrong not ler her know or was I in the right to just do it and see if things work there way out? Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 No. You don't owe her an explanation. Link to comment
Cnstnt Evolutn Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 Yeah its all good, i did the same thing and didnt say i would go NC, even when she said she wanted to keep in touch...that was 3 months ago and havent heard from her since lol You're respecting her wish and doing what she wanted...if youre worried about her being mad, dont....she CANT get mad at you for doing exactly what she asked for... If she calls mad about it tell her just that lol Link to comment
melanie6929 Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 No, it is fine. I did the same exact thing. I believe that it's better NOT to tell her. You don't owe her an explanation, it's better to just do it than tell her. This way she will wonder why you aren't talking to her, make her miss you. She will be wondering, hm.. is this over? Is he getting over me? If she cares about you, it'll drive her nuts. It will make her think about things. You did the right thing. Link to comment
KrazyDevil Posted April 20, 2009 Author Share Posted April 20, 2009 Thanks for the words of encouragement. Sounds F'ed up but I actually do want her to miss me and wonder what I am doing. I would like to reconcile things with her if possible. Guess this is the best way to do it. Maybe not the easiest, but the best. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 Yep. It's your best bet. Hang in buddy. Link to comment
KrazyDevil Posted April 20, 2009 Author Share Posted April 20, 2009 i am slowly. it just really hurts right now. Link to comment
KrazyDevil Posted April 20, 2009 Author Share Posted April 20, 2009 Ok, just another scenario here. The ex and I have a couple of mutual friends. Not to act like a * * * * * , but they were actually friends of mine before she met them. Now we (and I mean all of us) used to go downtown together and party. Now we do it but my friends are out with me and her friends are out with her. One of my friends has been trying to hook up with one of her friends. Which if he did, that would complicate things because right now I dont want to be around her. But on the other hand, my friends are all I have. At what point is it safe to say that if I was out with my friends and then her friends could show up with her and it might not be uncomfortable? I dont want to be in a friendship with her and I have made that clear to myself that I dont want that. What I would like to do however is be able to be around her in a social situation to let her know that I am/have changed. Is this a good idea? The friend that is trying to hook up with her friend isnt really the type to acknowledge the whole NC thing. So he would probably just say F it and get everyone together regardless. If he did that would I look like a jerk if I just left because I wasnt ready to deal with it? Link to comment
KrazyDevil Posted April 21, 2009 Author Share Posted April 21, 2009 anyone have any input? Link to comment
TomboyMS Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 I don't think you are ready to see her is a social situation a week and a half after a break up.That's just asking for trouble. I'm sure you need your friends for support. If they are TRUE friends they will understand why you can't be around your ex for a while. They will be willing to spend time with you in places where it is unlikely that you will run into her. Link to comment
KrazyDevil Posted April 21, 2009 Author Share Posted April 21, 2009 true, but its been more than a month since the initial "I want to take a break" and that was the last time i verbally talked to her or saw her. im just really confused right now. i also dont want to see her with anyone else. that would crush me. Link to comment
KrazyDevil Posted April 21, 2009 Author Share Posted April 21, 2009 true, but its been more than a month since the initial "I want to take a break" and that was the last time i verbally talked to her or saw her. im just really confused right now. i also dont want to see her with anyone else. that would crush me. Link to comment
KrazyDevil Posted April 22, 2009 Author Share Posted April 22, 2009 HEY ZUES. This many looks at this post and this few replies. Makes me wonder how many are still holding themselves back. Link to comment
melanie6929 Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 Wait much longer than a week. She's not gonna buy that you have changed in such a short time. What exactly do you feel you need to change anyways? Maybe it is her that needs to change? Seeing her out in public is just gonna make it more difficult and result in you possibly caving. Just stick with the NC. You will feel much better once you go NC for awhile, it'll get easier. Once you see her, you might have to start all over again. Let her come to you. Link to comment
atelis Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 meet new friends. life is an evolving process. You meet new people all the time. The people i was friends with when i was 21 are different to the people i am friends with now.......some stay, some move on etc. Breakups can be a time for change in many ways. Don't limit yourself and don't be a prisoner of the life you had with your ex..........get out and start living again Link to comment
KrazyDevil Posted April 22, 2009 Author Share Posted April 22, 2009 Ok, so did I or didnt I break NC? She texts me today asking me a question about the cable modem we had at our apartment. I told her that I left it there like she asked me to. Really didnt go any further than that in convo. One thing did get me though. She had asked me if I had taken her stuff to her friends house. I told her not yet because I have been busy. Now, I may be taking too much from this, but she is a smart enough girl to know that if I had brought her stuff to her friends house, her friend would have called her and let her know? Like I said, maybe reading too much into it, but that is my take. Also, does this really count as breaking NC? The only reason I had replied back to her was to let her know where her property was. Link to comment
atelis Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 you need to stop worrying about inane stuff like 'did i or didn't i break NC'. There's no test on this to get grades........too many people on these forums get obsessed about the whole NC process. The point is not whether you are doing perfect NC or not, the point is to keep doing what you need to do to move forward in your life. stop analysing and start living Link to comment
KrazyDevil Posted April 23, 2009 Author Share Posted April 23, 2009 So my world is being torn apart. This is more of a vent then anything. I think that my ex is trying to hook up with one of my friends. She has a couple of friends that he has tried to go after but has failed for one reason or another. Unfortunately I feel that she has liked my friend since they met but couldnt do anything about it cause she was with me. Well, tonight my friend went out to eat at a resturant that I know he would have called me up to go but didnt. His roomate had called me up and told me where they were so thats how I figured it. She had also told me that she was looking for her charger for her camera today. So it was either some small talk or she was trying to get her camera charged for going out. After being with someone for almost a year you learn to read them. It really pisses me off that she might be willing to go out with someone this soon AND that it has to be one of my friends. We'll see what happens, but for some reason I just dont trust them around each other. Like I said, this is more of a vent and rant then anything, but I just needed to get it off my chest. I just really dont understand how anyone could do that to someone else. Link to comment
KrazyDevil Posted April 23, 2009 Author Share Posted April 23, 2009 melanie6929 -- yeah, its me that mostly has to change. she is the 3rd serious relationship that I have been in (2 of those with the same girl and a marriage). Everytime it has been the same conversation about why they did not want to be with me. When the most current ex and I talked a month ago, it was almost like the same pages being read from the previous ex, including the divorce. So I know that I have to change somethings in my life and I know that there may be somethings that she has to change, but I can honestly say that its mostly been me. Link to comment
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