need urgent advice, ex calle

[Joshb]

Basically question then background, I am on NC only been 4 days but i didnt really tell her. She actually called today and to my surprise i didnt answer! I always have answered first time i didnt, kind of proud, but its eating at me(what did she want) Do i send a email to be decent? We did have a civil break up, and we were best friends, our friendship kept us together, we always there for each other. I feel like i owe it to her, or maybe say i dont have minutes? What should i exactly say via email, or just keep NC?

 

background, basically i was unsure, needed to find myself, lost in the relationship, had my own issues. I told her i wasnt sure after 1-2months of being emtionally not there, which hurt her, i was distant and finally told her. she ended it, after a week i wanted her back. She decided she had enough, and thought it would be best to move on. I tried to get her back, after few good times hanging out. I made mistake of telling her i talked to someone online for 2 weeks and enjoyed the conversation. That made it worse because of how i came to her. i didnt tell her for weeks , until after i asked her back and she said no. She says i really do need to find myself, lot of insecurties killed the relationship.

I gave her space 1 and half weeks of NC and sent roses, which sparked us seeing each other, hanging out twice. I know she stills cares, but she been trying to keep busy, u can tell thats how shes coping. Rigght now we cant be together, until i work things out. she wants to cut her loses, and i understand. SO i told her this is goodbye then. 2 days later we talked and she wants to be friends, i said we could give it a try. THing is i just went NC, and today she calls 4 days later. I guess since we had a strong friendship, i should be decent and tell her i cant and need to move on? What should i say...we had a clean break, yes id love her back. I made lot of mistakes at end and she just doesnt have it in her, i lost her respect probably by begging and being back and forth..desperate. i really do want to do NC unless she changes her mind. We were best friends, and we did have a clean break, i have deleted all contact so i guess she was wondering whats wrong? so what do u do...i realize i need to work on things and that i started off as the good bf, her bad gf..we switched roles..i ended as bad bf her good gf. i know it hurts her making the choice not to get back, but she sees it failing as how i am now, and how i been treating her. She been hanging out with friends and trying to get her life together. any suggestions..what i do say, how u interperet my situation...i hope i touched most of it, rushing at work to type.

[Ashsun87]

Hi josh

 

As you know I'm currently working on reconciling with my ex. I'll give you some personal advice here.

 

When me and my ex broke up, it was terrible... so it's good that yours wasn't. I couldn't handle just being friends with my ex. I couldn't handle the thought of her being with another guy, or anything like that. Honestly I think being friends with an ex is a very bad idea regardless, unless you truly feel that you JUST want to be friends. Which you don't.

 

If you still have issues I would recommend that you stay in NC until you have handled them. The thing about NC is it is so so so hard, but it is also so rewarding if you can stick to your guns. It's impossible to say what she could have wanted, but voice mails exist for a reason. If it was that important I'm sure she would have left you one?

 

If she sees it failing as "you are now" what do you need to change? Does she have any issues she needs to work on her self?

 

Just take a deep breath and think rationally, which I know is almost impossible. You'll be okay no matter what happens.

[Joshb]

Well thing is every problem big and little we were there..even this breakup. Though I initiated this situation, I feel she dumped me by not taking me back. We have hung out and she hasn't ignored me past week. She does feel guilty for hurting me but I guess right now she can't do it.worn out emotionally drained ..heart isn't in it. So I said we could try friends but instead I went NC out the blue. So I guess it would be fair to at least email back saying this, instead of coming off childish. I read reverse psychology ..dumper thread