joethe Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 ok so like you all know i wrote her a letter explaining how i want to change, and be with her and our son. (the letter is on the other thread) i gave it to her yesterday, she still hasnt said anything about it but.. today my mom was going to drop off my son for me to her cause i was busy all day, instead me ex texts me asking if she could pick him up from my house, which is 45 from her house, so "she can talk about the schedule on what days i get my son ect" is that all she really wants to talk about? she's willing to drive 45 min out of her way to talk about that when we could really do it over the phone.. im so confused i dont know what to say tonight, i think im just going to tell her to foreget about the letter i wrote you, cause obviously she would of said she wanted to get back together by now right? please help Link to comment
DN Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 Wait and see what she has to say. Link to comment
joethe Posted April 15, 2009 Author Share Posted April 15, 2009 i know her so well, she is so stubborn, even if she really wanted me back she would wait for me to start to talk about it then, act like she doesnt know.. she is the most stubborn person i have ever met.. is that all the advice you can give me? thanks Link to comment
DN Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 Part of the reason for the break-up is because she is so stubborn - so if there is to be any hope of reconciliation she needs to learn to behave in a different way. But there is no point getting yourself worked up wondering what she really wants - she has to be the one to tell you if it is anything other than the schedule. So - wait and see what she says and then you can decide how to respond. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 If you meant what you said in the letter I don't think you should tell her to forget about it regardless of what she has to say about it. Wait and see what she says and take it from there. I'm assuming you have said everything you want to in the letter so if her answer isn't positive you just have to try to accept that and carry on with your life. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 i know her so well, she is so stubborn, even if she really wanted me back she would wait for me to start to talk about it then, act like she doesnt know.. she is the most stubborn person i have ever met.. is that all the advice you can give me? thanks If she really wants you back then she will make it known sooner or later, esp with the prospect of you moving on and finding someone else. Link to comment
joethe Posted April 15, 2009 Author Share Posted April 15, 2009 so just dont bring up the letter at all? should i just deal with the scedule as fast as possible, and say"you better be going now" ? Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 I wouldn't mention the letter. She should be the one to bring it up if she has anything to say about it. Just let her say what she has to say. Be courteous and easy going. Let her lead the conversation and when she has finished let her leave when she wants to. You have said your piece. It is up to her what she wants to do with that information. Link to comment
joethe Posted April 16, 2009 Author Share Posted April 16, 2009 thats exactly what im going to do thanks. in the letter i said i have thought threw some solutions to our problems, and solutions to my behavior in order to help our relationship and our family.. just in case she does bring up the letter and want to see these solutions.. here they are, if anyone could add anything i would appreciate it, even though i know you dont know our circumstances - MORE ATTENTION * The attention Ashley wants is the attention she deserves, stop thinking about myself and think more ways to make her happy * Take her out at least once a week in order to just talk, let her choose the movie, restraunt ect.. - EFFECTION * I really don’t understand why I wasn’t showing her the affection she needs, but I do understand that she Is the most beautiful person inside and out that I will ever meet, and not taking advantage of things just because they are there day in and day out. - FAMILY TIME * Take walks with Landon in order to get out of the house for a while * Make up fun activities around the house * Find things Ashley enjoys in order to incorporate into family time -PUT MY PRIDE ASSIDE *Fights are going to happen, but instead of dragging them out, stop the fight before it gets out of hand * When the argument starts find some type of solution right of the bat. This solution could be used in every fight, no matter what the circumstances Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 If you feel that you weren't showing her enough affection and paying her enough attention in the relationship then what you have wrote is fine but remember that your happiness counts too. Is it possible that she might have had unrealistic demands and needs? Link to comment
joethe Posted April 16, 2009 Author Share Posted April 16, 2009 Of course its not just me that needs to change, but most of the fights we have begin with the following problems.. so you think the solutions is pretty well thought out or would you add something? Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Well yes really. It all seems to boil down to spending more quality time together as a couple and as a family. Having a more affectionate relationship and appreciating what you have and finding solutions to problems and arguments. All good stuff really and if you are both willing to work at that then it should be able to be pulled off. What are the main things that you argue about? Just the stuff you have posted about affection and time and what not? Link to comment
joethe Posted April 16, 2009 Author Share Posted April 16, 2009 me not showin her effection, i am on my computer 30 min each day gambling on sports, which is my hobby and she hates it. I am will to cut back on my sports quite a bit if not all together.. but when we do fight boy does it drag out for a while, and we end up not talking to each other for at least an hour.. so immature, im usually the one to say sorry so the fight will end. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 30 minutes on the computer each day doing something you enjoy shouldn't be a problem and I don't think that you should stop doing things that you enjoy doing. It doesn't mean that you are showing her less attention. The only thing I could see that would be wrong with that is if the gambling became an obsession and you were losing money and getting into financial trouble. Link to comment
joethe Posted April 16, 2009 Author Share Posted April 16, 2009 no i am not getting into financial problems, i bet small amounts, the problem is about sex, i am in the mood during the day, then at night i am so tired from either school or work, and our son that by the time he goes down for bed at 9 im so tired im just not in the mood. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Then I don't see why this would be a problem. I am not sure how you could get around the sex problem. Maybe you could have a nap after work so that you aren't so tired at night? Link to comment
joethe Posted April 16, 2009 Author Share Posted April 16, 2009 ya i figured i could stop thinking so much of what i want rather think more of her.. well she will be here in an hour and im going to follow your advice and not bring anything up about me her or the letter i wrote her.. i have wrote out the schedule for when i have my son so it should be rather quick conversation.. but im going crazy wondoring whats going on in her head. Link to comment
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