Child in the middle of a break up

[king6]

Well, im out of answers for myself. I have a son with the woman the left me, and its making it ever so difficult to move on. I love this girl, and I did not want her to leave. We have 6years of history together, and I just keep thinking back on everything. She had hooked up with someone just days after she broke up, I actually believe it was sooner then that. The month leading to our break up, I knew she was straying and she was doing things I didnt like, I often accused of her of being infatuated with someone. She was pushing to get married very hard, but I had serious doubts about her intentions. She didnt get engaged when she wanted, and she turned into someone completely different ( a monster) Ever since, my lifes been a wreck that ive been trying to hide from everyone. I have people to talk to, but nobody can tell me the things I want to hear. Im starting to hate life, disbelieving in love, and finding my self slipping back into my depression mode. Before I met this girl, I was at hard times in my life, and actually attempted to end it. Meeting her became my crutch, and I believe it completely changed my life for the better, everything ive worked for since has been to better myself with her.

Now im alone, ive lost my companion, my only true friend, and my reason to live my life as I did. The sadest part is, I do not like people. In general, I dont like meeting people or getting interested in them, this past year Ive realised a very great disgust I have for people and what they do. I was happy with what I had, I had my companion, and my children to look after.

 

I have a 2 year old son with her, and she absoluetly will not let me have any legal or physical custody rights. In the state of MN, they give full costudy to the mother, so she says what goes. Ive begged, ive pleaded, Ive even got out of line and threatend her new guys reputation (Cause i cannot go after her) and she just will not budge on allowing me any rights to my son. So im stuck with when she wants me to see him, that is when its conveinent for her. She told me every other weekend, but she keeps changing days and switching weekends, and shes hrs late to drop him off, or pick him up. Shes constantly telling me to give her things that I might have of his, and she even threatend abuse and harrasement when I dropped him off once. Even though I recorded it all, and she was the one going crazy on me.

So I will need to fight in court for any rights at all. I talked to a lawyer, and they say I will get legal costudy, but physical is a toss in the air and its going towards her direction. I can fight it, but she will drag it over 10k. I dont have this money for any court action.

 

Im actually to a point of giving up my son. just walking out of his life. I cannot handle seeing her nor talking to her. It drags me right down into a dark hole of misery. I did manage to not talk to her, not see her or my son for 2 weeks, and it was the best I felt all march. But that enraged her, and she started back up again, using my son as a tool against me.

 

The thing is, I dont want to be a second dad in my son's life. I feel that if I cant have the family I had with him, I dont want to be in his life at all:sad: Maybe someone else can be a great dad to him and they will have a family that I had with her.

Im so confused as what to do, everything is overwhelming and im trying to greive/move on from my loss, and I have to continue seein that loss because of my son. I dont even give him the attention or care he needs because of how I feel after I see her.

 

I had already got rid of everything that reminds me of her, I even went out and bought a new bed spread, new couchs, rearranged my entire home, bought new things for my home, But Just living in my home.. reminds me of her. Everyday for the past 2 years, I came home to her and my children. Now I come home a half empty house and im alone. I deleted all her pics from my computer, and gave her every picture of ours back to her. But everything in my home reminds me of her.

For the longest time, I wanted to find out if she was really with someone, I was disbelief, that someone who expressed their love for me so deeply, could get over me so fast. Well its been about a month since, and I come to find out through her myspace acct, that there is someone, I confronted her about it, and all hell broke loose between us.

I found out hes much older then I am, and his quite the downgrade appearance wise to me, He also seems to be someone who hangs around bars. It made me feel better that she didnt trade up, but she continues to blame me and prop this guy up higher then I am. I know just why, shes focusing on the bad between us, and using it as her excuse. This guy has her feelings in the palm of her hand, and apparently is more important than I am, even after knowing for such a short while. Even after everything I did for her, and continued to do after the break up. It just makes me sick, because I would not do that to her if I met someone.

 

I just need a long break. How is she saposed to miss me, how am I saposed to get over her, how can anything get better when I have to continue contact with her. Ive been told to keep it short and simple.. But it hasent helped. I think she enjoys my misery, she wants me to be unhappy, she feeds off fighting with me regarding my son, she wants total control and thats why she denys me rights to my son.. I believe she will control my life and feelings for quite sometime.. unless I just cut off all ties to her.

[waveseer]

Put yourself in your child's shoes for a minute. What would you want your dad to do in this situation?

[king6]

Thing is, really bad part about how I think is, My bio father did the exact same thing, exact same situation. I once heard, the things you do in a relationship with children will commonly happen to your children as well. Im thinking its true, her parents did the same thing to her when she was a child, her mother took the kids away, my mother took the kids away. Her father stayed in the picture (and caused more harm then good since he could not let ago of the mother, and still to this day continues to damage each others life) and my father let go.

 

In my situation, it was the best thing that could have happened for me. I never knew my bio dad, and it was a good thing I didnt, because the man I know as my father is the greatest man alive (in my eyes). The guy that I came from, wasent even comparable to the man I know as my father.

 

However, I do not know that she can find anyone better then me, though I do not doubt it. She has good intentions and does raise our children well. Yet her family and friends consist of inconsiderate seperated/divorced, low lifes that leach off the system, and have complete disregard for others feelings/property/valueables.

She now lives in a low income home, free, assitance everything, no job, and collects child support, soon from me. she failed her nursing school this last year and from the sounds of it, she plans to be a stay at home mom, volunteering, and continue the free live off the system lifestyle. And the new guy, agrees to it. She strongly wants a family and to have many kids and I believe shell do anything to get it.

 

So I guess I dont know. Maybe hes better off, maybe hes not, I dont have control either way. Im just a bystander to my childs life right now.

 

What to do, continue seeing my son when she will let me, and continue being hurt and miserable? or go broke and possibly lose everything in attempt to get rights.. even thought it sounds like its not possible

[waveseer]

Well, the one thing that would be harmful is to enter and leave your child's life based on the mother's current partners relative ability as a parent.

[king6]

I hate my options. More and more I just feel like ending my own life, but I cant because of my child. So Im stuck hateing life.

Just want a chance for a new life, restart, refresh. I got with this chick when I was 18, first real relationship, helped her rasie her previous child the entire time, I stuck with her and been a parent when I shouldnt have. I was imature and stupid and thought her love was real. I feel like I missed out on everything 18-25 as I know I did. I worked my ass off to support her, I gave up my goals and dreams and stuck with a job I dont like so much so that I could support her. Now Im given the shaft and I have no chance at going back and doing anything. Im an artist at heart, I love drawing/graphics, but im stuck working a dead end job as a mechanic, thats wearing me out. Im stuck with a house morgage, and next enormous child support threating to kill my income for that mortgage.

I know its selfish, and I feel like its selfish, Ive just worked so hard for someone else for so long, and now they left me because of their own selfish needs, I feel I deserve something. I love being a father to my son, but at the same time I dont want to be tied down as a father if I dont have the family anymore.

perhaps I need counesling, but that I cant even afford. I cant even afford health insurance to get a check up because my blood pressure has been so high and I have intense pains in my chest. I got taken advantage of, used, lied to, manipulated and it just continues

 

And I cant leave, and want to come back. Guess its just a lesson in life, dont have kids until your married, atleast then when you split up you have your custody rights.