Why do girls go back to their ex boyfriends?

[Syn77]

i dunno bro, be there for her, play it off well, i dunno. i can barely get a hold on my love life.

[pharm2009]

So, I never responded to her text message. My opinion was that if she was really sorry and had something to say she would call. Low and behold, last night at about 10:30 she called! We talked for about an hour, but I'm still skeptical of her. She claimed that she has not gone back to her ex, it's just that she has feelings for him and needs to figure herself out. She says that she knows it would be doomed to go back to him and doesn't see herself doing that.

 

But, I think she is just bull * * * * ting me in order to make me not hate her. She seems to really be trying to keep me around as a back-up even though I told her I wouldn't sit around waiting for her. I don't know...I was confident that I was going to just forget about her, but she is playing mind-games.

 

I told her that whatever love I had left for her wasn't going to last forever and it's all up to her at this point. I'm not going to contact her again and just assume it's over. If she comes crawling back to me in a few weeks, then I'll cross that bridge when I get to it, but I can't put myself through the heartache of waiting for her and then having her go back to him anyway.

[Syn77]

I dunno man its like being torn between scylla and charybdis. Thats a tough situation, i wouldnt wanna be her second choice but i wouldnt wanna jes stand back and let that * * * * * * * jes bring her down anymore. Its up to u bro.

[pharm2009]

Well, I have decided that she was just trying to make herself feel better about treating me like crap. That's the only reason she called me. She has no intention of coming back to me...until he screws her over, of course. I am too good of a guy with too much to offer to sit around and wait for her to figure herself out. She isn't worth it any more.

[Syn77]

well at least u made a decision. I think the girl im after is worth it. It's jes so hard with all the stuff the happens around her as well as her ex-boyfriend stuff.

[pharm2009]

Yeah, I've made the decision, but things aren't getting any easier. One thing I have learned over the years is that begging and pleading to get a girl back doesn't work because they won't respect you for it. The hardest thing to do, though, is to just sit back and let things work themselves out the way I know they will. Unfortunately, it might take years for that to happen. It's aggravating because I can't get her out of my mind, especially imagining her with "him". I just have to stay strong and leave her alone...girls always seem to want you more when you stop wanting them...they are crazy that way!

[anggrace]

Everytime a girl goes back to her ex, there is a guy going back to his ex too.

 

It's not a girl thing.

[Syn77]

Yeah, I've made the decision, but things aren't getting any easier. One thing I have learned over the years is that begging and pleading to get a girl back doesn't work because they won't respect you for it. The hardest thing to do, though, is to just sit back and let things work themselves out the way I know they will. Unfortunately, it might take years for that to happen. It's aggravating because I can't get her out of my mind, especially imagining her with "him". I just have to stay strong and leave her alone...girls always seem to want you more when you stop wanting them...they are crazy that way!

 

I'm sure it isn't getting easier. Doesn't it suck, she's always on your mind no matter wut u do, and its worse imagining her with her ex or even some other guy. It's worse for me cuz she's a freshman in college and after a year of it, i know wut goes on and theres nothing i can do cuz i go to a different one 3 hrs away. Ya i like ur last sentence cuz its true.

[Syn77]

Everytime a girl goes back to her ex, there is a guy going back to his ex too.

 

It's not a girl thing.

 

Well you're right its not just girls but to me it seems the most common or maybe thats jes cuz ima guy. But i wanna know why they can go back to them after all the bad that's happened, why they've been hurt by them but still refuse to let go, why even tho she trusts him again, he won't but takes her back anyway.

[pharm2009]

I'm sure it isn't getting easier. Doesn't it suck, she's always on your mind no matter wut u do, and its worse imagining her with her ex or even some other guy. It's worse for me cuz she's a freshman in college and after a year of it, i know wut goes on and theres nothing i can do cuz i go to a different one 3 hrs away. Ya i like ur last sentence cuz its true.

 

Yeah, a long distance thing is always hard. I remember college and you never know what the girls are getting into! I'm sure everyone has said this to you, but you are young and there are tons of girls out there. What's tough for me is that I'm getting older and want to start a family and all that...and I truly thought I had found "the one".

 

I will never understand how she could even consider going back to him after what he did to her. I think she can't let go of the old memories and how she always thought they would be together...of course, that was before he left her for another woman. Now, she has this fantasy in her mind that she can just go back to where it was before, but that will never happen. He will walk all over her and hurt her again. She knows this in her head, but is listening to her heart...a thing that always gets girls in trouble!

[pharm2009]

Everytime a girl goes back to her ex, there is a guy going back to his ex too.

 

It's not a girl thing.

 

The problem is that girls are more willing to go back to an ex who previously treated her like crap. My girl took an ex-husband back who left her for another girl and was engaged to that girl until recently. He only crawled back to her b/c the other dumped him.

 

I, on the other hand, will not be taking back the girl who treated me badly. I have too much to offer to waste my time with a person like that.

[Syn77]

To make matters worse, she's in a "complicated relationship" and other guys also jes want to get in her pants. I'm not even there to ya know "fend" them off do anything at all.

[pharm2009]

Well, the best advice I can give you is to just move on. You are young and in college and surrounded by girls. Have a good time and don't worry too much about being tied down right now. If you meet the right woman, then that's great, but don't settle for someone who won't treat you right in return.

[pharm2009]

After a week of no contact, she called me yet again last night. She talked to me at first like nothing ever happened. We then talked about when would be a good time for her to bring me my TV which caused problems. I told her I was planning on going to beer fest and she got angry and said I shouldn't go because I knew she was going to be there too. This pisses me off! She told me that I shouldn't go anywhere she might be. I don't understand this, because she is the one who dumped me! I don't really want to see her around town with her ex but I shouldn't have to avoid places I like to go.

 

I asked her where this anger towards me is coming from and she just kept saying that things are difficult for her. I just said, "whatever" and hung up. She then called back crying and trying to make me feel sorry for her because she is going through so much. I told her this was all her doing and that part of me wishes she would realize she messed up and she said "I already know I messed up". I didn't really know what to say to that, because she still isn't saying she wants to be with me, but she knows she made a mistake.

 

She also had the nerve to ask me if I had a date this weekend when I said I had plans and acted like she would be mad if I was dating someone. So, she doesn't want me but she doesn't want me to be with anyone else....typical crazy girl behavior.

 

She says that she only got angry because she doesn't want the first time she sees me to be out with a bunch of people around, because she knows it will make her upset since she knows she hurt me. So, I'm not really sure what her thought process is, because this has been all done by her.

 

It's annoying because every time I get my mind right she calls me up and plays some kind of mind game with me. She keeps saying that she is not "with" her ex but they are hanging out as friends. I think that is a bunch of bull. She just wants to keep me around as a backup and I'm not going to fall for it.

[Syn77]

Damn bro, u shudnt have to avoid places cuz she'll be there. The * * * * * * * part of me says u shuda said ill be there no matter wut, u don't have to go. sounds like this chick is all kinds of crazy. Maybe u shud play a mind game with her. Or jes say how u really feel about this whole ordeal and jes be done with it cuz if shes not showing full interest in u then shes not worth it.

[pharm2009]

So, now my head is really messed up. Last night I was out with my friends and she sends me a text message saying "I want to see you!" It totally ruined my fun. I didn't know if she was being serious or just messing with my head. I texted her later and said "what's the deal...are you just messing with me?" She said she wasn't and that she does want to see me.

 

Then later that night she texted me again and asked if I was still out. I didn't respond and she then called and I didn't answer. Then she called again and I finally answered. We chatted for a while and then she asked if we can start hanging out together again. I really had no idea what to make of it. She says that she misses me and wants to talk to me. I told her that there isn't room for both myself and her ex in her life and she needs to choose.

 

I'm supposed to see her today and talk about things, so we'll see.

[EQD]

short answer:

because they are still emotionally attached to them.

[pharm2009]

So, here's the update on the drama from today. Last night she said asked me "so, can we start hanging out again". She went on to say other things and she really seemed to want to see me. This morning she called and said she had just been sitting there waiting for me to call and was hoping I wanted to see her.

 

Well, she comes over and we go out to the pool. Everything is going pretty well. we were just making small talk and not really talking about "us". After a couple of hours we come back inside and I asked her if she wanted to do something tonight. She had previously hinted that she might want to, by the way. Anyway, she tells me that she didn't really intend to jump back in and start dating me again, she just wanted to hang out. I was very upset and confused. Why would she say all those things to me and try so hard to see me today and then not want to get back together? I told her I wasn't trying to get things back to where they were, I just thought she wanted to start dating again and just take things slowly.

 

She told me that she misses me, that we have a connection, and that there is still something there, but she still doesn't know what she wants to do. I was blown away because I had made my mind up that I was done and she sucked me back in and made me think she wanted to get back together.

 

Was I wrong to think that she wanted to get back together with me? Like I said, she harrassed me a lot to get me to see her today and she told me she knows she messed up by breaking up with me. When we talked last night she told me how much she missed me and wanted to see me. I felt like a complete idiot that I thought she wanted to get back with me, but I don't understand what she was thinking. I just need some advice as to whether it was a wrong assumption to make.

[Syn77]

ya well now i know several reasons y they go back. She's single now, dunno if she'll go back but i know tons of other guys will be all over her now that she is and i'm not able to fend them off. FML

[pharm2009]

So, I went over today and got my TV. We didn't really talk all that much. I unhooked the TV and put it in the box and then I told her that she knew where to find me and she said "yeah, I know". She also said, "yeah, maybe I'll see you around". At the end I looked her in the eyes and told her that I loved her very much and would miss her. Then I said good bye and turned around and walked out the door.

 

She came outside to throw something in the trash and waved to me, but I didn't even wave back. I feel like that was the last connection we had and now it's over. It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I can finally move on.

 

This whole situation has been horrible and I wish it had been different, but the only thing to do is move on and learn from it.

[Syn77]

thats good bro, ur moving on. i am trying to do that as well and it may be easier than i think. I believe it may not be all over just yet. we all wish that bad situations would have turned out better but all u can do is keep moving on or maybe a second opportunity will arise.