TO be REAL, OR TO PLAY GAMES

[ATLstudent]

SO i am interested purely in love, in a deep relationship, with a very strong bond, and mutual feelings. SO i started dating this girl, treated as so, i was really honest, and really open about my feelings, even the negative stuff. WHen i as jealous about things, what bothered me, when i was feeling depressed, my sexual insecurities, everything. I was completely exposed and she seemed to except me for who i was. But now things have turned and she is much more cold towards me, and not communicating alot on deeper levels.

 

I cant tell how to play things, Do i go all in at the beginning and be as real and as truthful as possible, Or is it better to run some game, or play it cooler, to keep her interested. I mean, is it ok, to tell your spouse all of your feelings, or does this ruin things?

[BellaDonna]

I mean, is it ok, to tell your spouse all of your feelings, or does this ruin things?

 

 

I think it is ok once the relationship has matured and you both feel comfortable sharing things. But early on if you divulge too much it could be a mistake and work against you.

 

You don't have to "play games" per se, just don't let let her know all of you right away. That doesn't mean you have to lie or anything- but maybe withhold deep dark secrets and inner thoughts just a little bit longer. Pick and choose what is really important, and what might be best left unsaid.

 

Play it a little cooler until your relationship reaches a more serious level. Sharing too much too soon can be intimidating to the person on the receiving end of the info. (I wanted to add that I do not buy into that whole "nice guy loses, players win" mentality at all- but that you do need to maintain a level of confidence, especially at the beginning)

[jenny_mcs]

There is a huge difference between playing games and going on and on about every fear, insecurity, and pang of jealousy that you have to someone you barely know.

 

I've read many of your threads about this brand new relationship. You seem to have this attitude of- "I have known this girl for a few weeks. I let her know every time I feel the slightest pang of jealousy. I let her know exactly how upset I am every time she doesn't text me back immediately. I have lots of conflicted feelings about sexuality and feel insecure about that. I have let her know, at length, about every single one of these feelings. Isn't that great? Aren't I being incredibly open? No game playing for me."

 

What you don't seem to get is what an INCREDIBLE burden this could be to her. To have someone she has only known for a few weeks just unburden all this stuff onto her. I'm sure it felt great for you to have someone to share this all with. What you are not considering is how it felt for her.

 

You need to find other people to talk to about this stuff. If you don't have close friends, you need to find a therapist. You cannot compare a relationship of 1 month to a spouse- it just doesn't work that way.

[ATLstudent]

thanks for the advice. I didnt really think it was a huge burden to her, I really dont know why it would be, If she unloaded a bunch of stuff to me, I really wouldnt mind, actually thats what i am after, someone who can share themselves just as much with me......But maybe I wasnt considering her.......maybe i was turning her into my therapist. INteresting, Well thanks for the advice, BTW your interpretation of me in this relationship is very close to dead on, i am going to consider this

[ghost69]

is this the same girl you asked about on another thread?

[ATLstudent]

is this the same girl you asked about on another thread?

Yes it is, and im about to write another one lol....