THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Paramore]

Day 1 again lol this is stupid

 

He did reach out, texted me that night when i was going bed about some item he has of mine, asking if i wanted it. I said no thanks and he said he would bin it then , i said ok..then he messaged some more crap and then the next morning again asking if i was sure i didnt want said item..again i said no thanks so back to day 1 today and so far nothing.

 

I think i can do the nc but not sure i can ignore him if he contacts me. This is so hard

 

I'm in the same situation, I cant sleep I've completely lost my appetite, I think about him all the time, and I always ask my mum "Do you think he will contact me?" "what if he doesn't come back" "what if he doesn't love me any more" its so hard to keep up with NC as I keep checking my phone because I miss him texting me as so often as he used to, I sit at home watching sad love films on Netflix, I'm fine when we and my mum or me and my mates go shopping or what have you but when it comes to being in the house on my own, time just drags and I feel so alone and begin to miss him more!

[Aloneathome]

Paramore- I am the same as you and also from Liverpool Inbox me we can have a chat? its nice to have a other person to listen to you

[marshmallito]

Paramore, I think you should start a thread of your own, for advice handling the details of your break up. While you are replying to texts and actually breaking up, you aren't ready to start the NC challenge. Hope to see you back here soon!

 

Day 32

The sky hasn't fallen since I blocked him on Facebook. I know he used to monitor my wall, when I broke NC, he wanted to talk about things people had posted there.

[davedadude]

Day 5

 

I'm not counting yesterday as a reset. She contacted me and I replied rationally without falling into any traps. I took my time and ended the note on a totally positive, totally relationship-unrelated note, talking about mutual friends and other weird stuff that had been going on. I don't expect a reply and I'm not killing myself re-reading every little word of her message to find meanings that aren't there.

 

As I thought I woke up in massive pain though. But like yesterday, I pushed myself to get up sooner and stop moping. I felt enough of an appetite to properly eat breakfast again (aww yiss cookie crisp!) and carried on my day as best I could. I did a little work for website I maintain but spent the rest of the day browsing forums and watching videos. She was still on my mind throughout. I walked my dog as usual but didn't play in the garden much, the weather has been kinda sucky today.

 

I cleaned out some draws a little and found some other stuff that she'd given me which was super painful, but I'm glad I found them as they're now hidden deep away with all the other stuff. I found an old hairband, a rock with a face she found in France, a sandwich box and 3 cards she'd made me. The cards hurt the worst, the just made me remember how much she truly did love me, how much I meant to her, and that I royally ****ed everything up and I've only got myself to blame. I punched my bed a few times, I needed a release. I tried to hide digital memories of her away too, I found an old memory card and was planning on putting all of our pictures, FB convos and whatever else on there and store it away. But I lost my SD card adapter! So I'll figure that out after the weekend.

 

I've realised today that I became very dependant on her feedback. I absolutely loved it and still do, but I feel I've always lacked in my life someone to reassure me and push me and reward me, she filled that gap and it's tough not having someone there to tell what you did today. I know that sounds weird, I wasn't like a child to her, but she did fill that role as well and I miss it. I see that I need to stand on my own two feet a little more. I'm not saying I never need her, but I know I can be strong without her. People say you survived this far without them, which is fair to a degree. But I survived this far without any awareness of what love truly was. It's harder to move on knowing what you had, how it felt and that it's all gone. It's both a blessing and a curse to know what love really is.

 

I felt quite happy at work, had some good banter with the other drivers, they make me happier. It's got to be the most multicultural workplace I've ever worked at. I'm English, but there's Scottish, Hungarian, German, Iranian and Iraqi people working there too. Mad! But it gives me a great sense of perspective and they all have really interesting input, it's nice to chat to them. I felt more sad as work ended and started really, deeply missing her again. I started seeing couple after couple and it drove me mad. I remembered it's Friday night and started to think about what she'd be up to, if she was out and about. I shut those thoughts off immediately. They'll do nothing but hurt me and it's all in my head anyway. There's nothing I can do about what she does now, I have my own life. I know she'd never maliciously hurt me by sleeping with guys, and I know she's traumatised by this whole thing too and wouldn't want to sleep around so soon. She will at some point, I have to accept that. I feel confident that it'll be a challenge for other guys to offer her what I did and she'll miss that, though I did help her grow her sexual ability and confidence a lot, and it hurts to know what she can offer to other guys now, stuff we learned together.

 

Got home, showered and ate some stuff while watching Game of Thrones and Modern Family. Feel chilled and excited now, off to see my best Uni mate for the weekend tomorrow morning. Should be good! Forget to mention that I also went for a good run last night too. Only managed a mile but it was mainly uphill. You'd never guess from looking at me, but I'm massively unfit!

[betterthan]

I really want to accept this challenge, right now I am on day 7 NC, 37 days since the breakup.

But I have to see him on the 23 so that he can get his cat from my house as well as the rest of his belongings.

 

So maybe I can't accept until after then????

[Paramore]

Sure add me on Chloé Wilson or type in x-scooby-doo-x@live.co.uk and I will come up

[carolinemk]

Makeup Post for Day 3

 

Yesterday was my 3rd day of NC. He texted me at 5:00pm saying:

"I'm having a hard time not thinking of you. The music I listen to. The rain. The people I chat with. Everything reminds me of you. I know we aren't supposed to talk, but I couldn't help it. I hope you're ok."

 

I though about responding, but the last line, "I hope you're ok," made me realize he isn't ready for my response yet, because he just wants to use my "ok" status to make himself feel better. He is finally mourning the way I did last week, and I do neither of us any good by feeding into that.

 

Ignored the message, and moved on to Day 4 today. Going strong.

[Aloneathome]

Paramore, I can not find you add me email removed on facebook

[carolinemk]

Makeup Post for Day 4

 

Definitely had a hard time not texting him yesterday.

 

I went to a party at a coworker's house, which was fun, but I was the only one who didn't have a spouse/significant other at the party, which only made me miss my ex more. I held out though, and texted one of my best guy friends every time I wanted to text my ex.

 

Now on Day 5

[Art Vandelay]

Makeup Post for Day 4

 

Definitely had a hard time not texting him yesterday.

 

I went to a party at a coworker's house, which was fun, but I was the only one who didn't have a spouse/significant other at the party, which only made me miss my ex more. I held out though, and texted one of my best guy friends every time I wanted to text my ex.

 

Now on Day 5

 

Good job

 

Similar to me, most of my close mates have a partner, it does make it tough at times, just reminds you of things!

 

20-21 days for me tomorrow, haven't really been keeping track exactly, but I know when we last spoke. Been plenty of times I've almost called/texted her, but I just remind myself how terrible I felt after we spoke last time. It's a strange feeling, after speaking and seeing each other everyday or night for 3 years, the last 3 weeks (month since we broke up) has felt like an eternity. No idea what she is thinking/been doing.

 

Slowly getting easier, but the disappointment of being hurt by the person you trusted the most is the hardest thing.

[carolinemk]

Thanks, Art

 

 

Also wanted to add that I just blocked him on Facebook. He unfriended me the night he broke up with me, but I know he looked at it after that time because a few days later he "liked" a picture of us on my wall from October.

 

I realized he might still be using that to get a "fix" of me to aid in his healing process, and I didn't want him to be able to do that.

[diesel85]

Day 21

 

went to a wedding with a girl last night (friend set me up- she was visiting from out of town for the wedding). Thought We had great chemistry, and we had a lot of fun dancing all night, but nothing really came of it in the end. it made me feel a bit down about myself. Whenever I meet new girls these days I have these high expectations and this strong desire for the passion that I lost with her....i get overexcited and then set myself up for dissappointment. it's not healthy. I am still pretty emotionally fragile and wonder if I should just not date at all.

 

This is officially the longest I've gone no contact (2nd attempt). I still wish she would contact me, especially when im feeling as lonely as i feel now, but I know she won't

[marshmallito]

Day 34

I am starting to see the potential for a future relationship with a man I have been "seeing". So intelligent and charming and communicative. Nowhere near as attractive as my ex, but and as stupid as it sounds, I wonder what he would think if he saw me with this man. Confirmation that I wasn't good enough for him. I am still hoping for him to contact me

[marshmallito]

Oh, and blocking him on Facebook... its been days now and I feel liberated!

[yaguara]

Day 1.... Feel like crap.

[hopelessincan]

day 13. I guess technically 14 since its now Monday. I feel myself letting go. Still sad as heck, but realizing I gave so much. He had everything he ever needed yet it still wasn't good enough.

That right there is probably the issue. A man who doesn't have to work for love, just takes it for granted.

Hearts still broken, but I'm slowly coming back out of my shell.

I want myself back so badly. Also realized that myself single and myself in a relationship are two different people. I just pray he doesn't contact me unless he actually really wants to try and give up all his emotionally unavailable garbage.

[carolinemk]

Day 5 (from last night)

 

Officially 14 days since the BU. I kept wishing he would contact me last night, saying he made a huge mistake and was stupid for letting me go. It didn't happen.

 

I had really bad dreams about him, and his relations with other women (part of the reason, he claimed, for our breakup was his infidelity). Definitely a disturbing dream. Woke up to a thunderstorm this morning, and had a hard time getting myself going due to the weather. Starting Day 6 feeling a bit sad and tired.

 

I have been talking to a nice man for a few days now (we met Friday night) he is very nice, tall, successful, and French! I can't tell what his motivations are yet. As a late bloomer, I'm not very used to male attention or how to deal with it. I know my insecurities caused a lot of strain on my past relationship, and I'm working in getting over those.

[davedadude]

Day 7

 

I've missed out a few days as I spent the weekend and Monday at a Uni friends house, time to escape and get away a bit, feel social again. I had quite a good time! Felt a little awkward and moody at first, especially around his 6-7 mates that I don't know at all who are TOTALLY different to me. But once the drinks got flowing it was a good time! Had a massive BBQ, a little food fight and even a bit of boxing! I remembered what it felt like to laugh and be happy again

 

It came crashing down from time to time, especially at night and the mornings, but I tried to keep occupied. My mate has actually just started getting in contact with his ex from 3 years ago, seems like they're reconciliating hard! Nice to see, but hurt me to see them all lovey dovey with each other, I really, really miss that. Was very close to texting her again but instead O just wrote the text then deleted it. No need. I spoke for a good while with my mates new/old girl and she was really nice to me, gave me some helpful advice from a girls perspective, especially emphasising the need for TIME APART. She ended up in a 2 year rebound relationship that ended badly and quickly saw what she had before and made a friendly move to have dinner.

 

Spent a lot of time with cats and in my mates sister's bed (she's in Australia atm), it felt pretty horrible being in big, cushy bed much like my exes and to not have someone to cuddle up to. Watched a film that made me feel a little better (I give it a Year) and slept. Had a nasty dream about her, nothing bad happened, I'm pretty sure we were still together in the dream, but it's like I can't get a moment free in my head.

 

Spent today driving round doing deliveries with my mate in his van, had some really good chats, we opened up pretty hardcore! Was really good seeing him again. Drove home (2+ hour drive!) and had to drive past the turning I used to use to go see her. That also hurt very badly. I took a video of my mates cats being cute while there and (sigh) sent it to her this evening. Didn't mention anything weird, just told her I thought she'd appreciate it, she replied and seemed happy enough but took no interest in me or my weekend. I replied saying my mate said hi and that I hope she had a good weekend. Not expecting a reply. I'm silly

 

Will continue with NC. Feeling pretty down tonight, really ill too. Ugh. Need to stay awake to watch the PS4 E3 Conference at 2am too!

[yaguara]

Day 2. Felt distant and like crap all day at work. Then she called me at work. Asked my why im ignoring her phone calls. She called 8 times yesterday btw. Back to day 1 =( I feel so much worse now.

[marshmallito]

yaguara, what is her reason/excuse for calling you?

 

Day 35

I can't believe I still need to be here. It has been very hard to resist calling. I nearly cracked twice since my last post.

I want to know how he is, is he happy yet, does he have regrets, can he ask for what he wants in the relationship rather than focusing on what it isn't etc etc

I didn't beg or anything, we had one breakup talk, and another conversation two weeks later. Like myself, I know he feels a failure for not having a family, yet unlike myself he doesn't seem to want to build a strong relationship and make it last.

[yaguara]

She wanted to know why I haven't answered her calls (yesterday 8 of them) and why I seemed so grumpy when I dropped our daughter off to her because I didn't say a word to her except when our daughter last ate. Background ( )

[carolinemk]

Day 6

 

Spent a lor of time checking my phone today looking for a text from him. Weird feeling, I don't know what I expected. I think since he sent me a text on Friday when I was leaving work, I wanted a new message today. No luck, and I hope I could have ignored it anyways, as I did the last one. Excited that tomorrow will be Day 7, and I hope I can get through the first week!

 

He's definitely continued to be on my mind, and the weekend was emotionally rough, but at least I keep busy during the week with work. I've been starting to process the infidelity aspect a bit more, now that the breakup part has begun to be moved past. It is a whole new pain/hurt/healing process with that issue involved.

 

Can't wait for my nonchalance act to become my true feelings!

[yaguara]

Unfortunately , Day 1 starts tomorrow ... =( Just got off the phone with her tomorrow .. and because we have a daughter together, its more difficult , I cant just ignore her calls

[carolinemk]

Yaguara,

 

I know the NC challenge is supposed to be what you make of it, but the original rules do talk about what happens when there are children involved. I don't know what you two talked about obviously, but I think you may need to cut yourself a bit of slack because, as you said, you can't ignore her calls due to your child.

[yaguara]

I understand that... but if im hopping to every phone call she makes ... defeats the purpose. And really gets me no further as its all been about her and not our child so far =/