THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Redtide]

Day 2, doing alright. Flirted with a guy last night. Didn't go anywhere but it felt good to know that other men may find me attractive when the time comes to be serious again.

[Lightning87]

Day 22 - missing him today, guess he has moved on. Longest we haven't been in contact...trying to keep my chin up.

[adyghost]

Day 1

 

I'm resetting my clock. We just chatted about things, nothing too conclusive. As per usual, it feels she's just anxious to move on and I feel like a complete boob. This time I'll have to make a point of not replying to her messages... I'm so depressed.

[Lightning87]

I think we all need to, myself included, accept that they aren't coming back. If they do, bonus...but now I need to stop doing this to myself, stop hoping and realise there is a life without him. As horrible and scary as it is.

[xmen777]

I think we all need to, myself included, accept that they aren't coming back. If they do, bonus...but now I need to stop doing this to myself, stop hoping and realise there is a life without him. As horrible and scary as it is.

I agree. That's what I'm doing now. Thinking of dating again...

[IGaveItMyAll]

well I was on Day 2 of No Contact. I was feeling a bit more confident. I started thinking about her less. I didn't think about her cheating on me as much it was feeling great!!! Then today I recieved 8 phone calls from her in a row with no voice mail. We have 2 kids so I thought it was an emergancy. I picked up the phone to her saying she is concerned about the kids but it ended up she was bringing me into her family drama regarding our split. I got out of that quickly as it wasn't about our kids. I tried to get off the phone but before I could go she started to express how strange it was that I am friends with one of hr girlfriends and I should watch her intensions. I think that was to root of the phone call. I feel bad for this friend for the past 2 weeks she has listened to me vent about all the horrible stuff my ex did to me and had to listen to my ex justify cheating on me to her. She is totally stuck in the middle. I told my ex its my life I can be friends with whoever I choose. So I accept this challenge!!! Today starts day 1. I have kids so I can't have completely no contact but very limited.

[IGaveItMyAll]

I will take your advice on that one!!!! Congratulations!!!!

[Redtide]

Day 3

 

He is going on vacation without me, the vacation we were suppose to go on with friends. This is especially hard as they are all with HIM a few states away and I literally feel left behind. I'm going to spend the day cleaning, going to the gym and preparing for living completely without him. I'm hoping he misses me as much as I miss him, as we were best friends for years, but I don't think it'd be enough to win him back. These next two days will be the hardest of my life as I get the things from the life we built together. Please keep me in prayers and wish me luck.

[Chinafish]

Good luck redtide, may the force be with you x

[IGaveItMyAll]

No conact end of day 1. I keep looking at my phone to see if she called or texted me. Nothing.... Kind of feel a bit down. I wish she would reach out to me so I knew she still cared. I am NOT going to contact her though. I did start having feeling of disbelief "how could she cheat on me?" she used to be the greatest wife and mother. She checked out like 6 months ago and totally changed. I am going to focus on all the bad times in the past 6 months. That should help me not contact her

[IGaveItMyAll]

Good luck. I just did the same thing. Pack up things that remind of of him. I feels really good. Don't look or dwell over the items. Put them in a box. Get confident. You deserve better. Start building your life back and get into your own routine. It helps a bit. You will still miss him and think about him but the sooner you start living the better you will be

[jsdeg]

day 4.think of him all the time..but i know i cant contact him.and i need to make myself focus on my own.

[crazyoflove]

Day 27

 

Approaching 30 day mark even though I dont know what's the point in counting days as I know that I will not contact her. Did not think much about her today. I guess I am at the moment at anger stage being angry on her for giving up on us so easy.

[yazc89]

1.1 weeks ~ Day 8

 

Realised today that I wanted all the wrong things in that relationship and I feel like emailing him just to say sorry for it all. But I wont. I finally feel like Im healing went out last night and didnt even think of giving him a drunken text or phonecall.

[crazyoflove]

Day 28

 

Looking from outside my life looks great. Lots of fun, many caring people, achievements on professional front. Still, there is some void inside of me. And it is related to her.

 

I wonder if she thinks of me at all. For the past month I did my best to avoid her both at work and elsewhere. And I've been successful in that. Its just that it hurts knowing she let me go so easily after everything great said during our relationship.

[jsdeg]

day 5..miss you so much..wanted to break NC so much.but i know i cant......

[Lightning87]

Day 24 - can't believe you still haven't been in touch...

[Nolia]

Here's a little background into my situation We have been broken up for 5 months. She left out of the blue saying it wasn't me it was her and the pressure from her parents. Her parents didn't like me much since we have a 7 year age difference. When we first started seeing each other she new her parents wouldn't approve of our age difference but she decided to date me anyways, figuring she could change their mind along the way.

 

After about a year into our relationship her parents found out we were dating and they told her they didn't want her talk to me anymore. She has always been respectful of her parents so it was a very tough decision for her. I knew how much we loved each other at that point and that the bond was too strong to be broken so we kept on dating behind their backs because it was our decision and not their's. Another 2 years go by and we had to keep our relationship private to keep it from her parents.

 

Why did I let this happen? I guess because I loved her so much and would do anything to have been with her. All of a sudden she drops the bomb on me and says she can't hide it anymore and that the pressure and guilt is becoming too much because each day she falls farther and farther in love with me. So she breaks up with me and says its best if we don't talk. I know she feels horrible and still thinks the world of me. It has been so hard to accept because I know this isn't what she wants, and I know how much she loves me and wishes we could be together.

 

The first month after the breakup I was a mess, couldn't even get out of bed for awhile. Kept emailing and texting her trying to save our relationship, but it wasn't gonna happen. Finally I decided to go no contact. Each month I felt better and stronger, got all the way up to over 100 days of no contact when I decided to check my old email that we used to use together and there was an email from her from 3 weeks earlier. I had written her off, figured she was over me and has moved on and wanted nothing to do with me. She writes me and says hey wanted to see how your doing, I've been thinking about you recently, hope everything is well for you. After I read this my heart just melts, i was like what does this mean? I had written her off. She told me she was moving on and wanted to not talk anymore because it would be too hard for her.

 

So I caved in and texted her the next day. She was really nice and asked me a lot of questions. I kept the answers short and simple and didn't want to show her any signs of how much I still love her because she broke my heart. After about 10 minutes of idle time, she texts me are you dating anyone? I pause and think of what to say... Do I lie and say yes, do I say I've gone on a few dates like I have, or do I just say no? I decided to say no so I didn't have to discuss it further. I could tell she wanted me too ask her because why else would she care? But I knew she wasn't, or else why would she tell me she's been thinking about me and want to know if I'm dating anyone? I don't know what this means, but I don't put a lot into it.

 

That was 3 weeks ago, haven't heard from her since. I feel like I took a few steps back in my recovery because it's still fresh and I still love her, it brought back a lot of feelings instantly. I still care about her and would do anything for her, so I'm struggling again. I have a friend telling me that she was reaching out the olive branch to see how I respond to her, another friend says she's trying to have her cake and eat it too. Others have said these are just breadcrumbs. All I know is that I love her, but she broke my heart, I don't think I will ever forgive her for that. I still wish I was with her, but at the same time I don't because of how she treated me.

 

Anyone have any insight or can explain to me what this means and what I'm feeling and if I should wish her a happy bday? It's on Tuesday.

 

By the way, my birthday happened during our no contact period and I didn't hear anything from her.

[Redtide]

Day 4

 

I understand more now of why we needed time apart, but I still can't help but miss you. I'm going over today for the last time to pick up the things from the life we had built together. You told me we needed to work on ourselves before we can be in a relationship... and I absolutely agree. But you were my best friend for years before the relationship and not having you by my side is extremely painful. I'm still clinging to the hope of you telling friends "we may date down the line, I can't consider that right now" because when you said that, you obviously considered it. I agree we need to be separate. I agree we need time to focus on ourselves. Yet I hope once things are more together in our lives, we can reconnect. I'll always love you, H.

[yazc89]

Day 9

 

Found out my ex is now seeing ALOT of girls (even though he said he wants time to himself, not the single life) and bragging about it to everyone, yes this man is supposed to be nearly 25. Gone way down in my expectations, never new he could be so horrable. Lucky excape I guess!

[crazyoflove]

Day 29

 

Nearly there. Looking back on last month there were days when I felt miles away from her but there were also days when I felt huge void in my life. Now, I am just hollow. As if part of me is missing. I sometimes envy people here who are being contacted by their exes for various reasons. At least they know their exes feel something for them. Mine just turned her back on me as if everything we built together did not mean anything. Still, I know I cant contact her. If we are ever to be together she has to think about things and make some decisions.

 

I wonder if she thinks of me at all...

[Redtide]

Day 5

 

I'm getting ready for work, then coming home and drinking coffee and drawing more. I'm dedicated to getting my shop up and running. I know you are on okcupid and check it often. On one hand I'm hurt, on the other, I'm disappointed you said you wanted to work on you and not date yet there you are. Going into any kind of romantic situation right now is NOT healthy for you, H, but I can't stop you nor do I want to. I can't wait til I can contact you again, especially with the news my shop is up and going.

[Redtide]

While I'm loving the idea of NC, I have to ask. What do you do in 30 days time? Does ENA consider it ok to drop a friendly quick email or text message...? That's not clear.

[Chinafish]

...." I sometimes envy people here who are being contacted by their exes for various reasons. At least they know their exes feel something for them".....

 

Hey Crazy, looks like we all want what we don't have. I envy people who's ex's leave them alone to heal and move on. 29 days!!! So proud of you honey !!! I didn't think you'd last the course. Are you going to contact her after 30 days or just keep moving ahead?

 

I'm sure she thinks of you often, but she's not in love with you and she isn't coming back. Here's to 2013. It's going to be an amazing year for you x

[Chinafish]

Redtide. The 30 days is just a guide really, something achievable and a target to work to. NC is about moving on not getting them back or making them miss you. You have to decide at day 30 if you've healed sufficiently to resume a low contact friendship, but really I think you need a lot longer (hark at me... Why can't I listen to myself??? I'm the worlds worst at NC)

 

Do you want him back?