THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Scotty123]

I would totally agree with what you said dabble.

 

It has been exactly a year today since I saw my ex and I have not contacted her in last year. I have had two meaniless texts from her but I did not respond. The only reason I know it has been exactly a year ago is cause I'm off to an event tomorrow which I went to at the exact same time last year.

 

At the beginning I never thought I would make it. I never thought I would feel the way I do now ! My ex is now totally irrelevant to my life. Today I was way too busy picking up my new car (woo hoo) and packing to go on my hols. And I'm going with my new partner who is just brill. My current relationship is so much better .... hard and more comlicated .... but so still much better.

 

So after a year would I be interested in my ex ? Nope not a chance in *ell !! I totally know how hard it is not to contact our exs, but it just the very best way of rebuilding your own life. But I wouldn't underestimate the time it takes .... for me 9 / 10 mths before I can truly and completely say I am over the break up which was a complete shock at the time.

 

So hang in there

[jeepman41]

I am at over 90 days now and i'm starting to feel like i'm gonig back words now

Anyone know why? Any thoughts?

 

 

Do you keep going back and forth over the relationship in your mind or are you afraid to let go and live life for yourself? The relationship is over. If you are feeling any pain it is coming from you and not your ex.

[Dat]

Today I start NC Day 1. I miss the hell out of her. I know everything that is going on will and be for the better. I've been reading a lot of great advice on here. We will all get through this crap together!!

[Laylan]

Do you keep going back and forth over the relationship in your mind or are you afraid to let go and live life for yourself? The relationship is over. If you are feeling any pain it is coming from you and not your ex.

 

jeepman41

Its not that i think so much about the relationship, its just that i can't get rid of this feeling of i know its going to work out somehow. I know its stupid of me to think that way, i just can not get rid of that feeling. I've had other exs and i've never felt this way before. I'm actually friends with a few of my exs and i'm fine but this one has just been so hard and i can't seem to figure out why. Like i've said, its a lot easier today than it was 60 and 30 days ago, but i'm still hurting.

[Laylan]

DD and Scotty123,

thank you both for your words.

 

DD, i've never been closer in my faith and it helps, you are so right!! I can't change what is, i can just move forward. I am trying. I have a huge support team so i am very lucky, i guess its just that at times you can't help but think of what went wrong and how it shouldn't have. I'm getting there and hopefully i'll be much better after 120days

[Mellie]

Day 3. Again. Feeling different this time. Happier. No, that's the wrong word. Calmer. That's the one.

[Take me back]

HI

I know now, how my GF felt 3 months ago. I did more then broke her heart I broke the love we once had for each other. I have no excuse for my actions I broke the trust in the relationship. It been 3 months and I tried everything to get her back (text,Phone,Pic,love cards,letters I made all the rookie mistake). I know now time is the only thing that could help me. Broking up 3 months and its been one week of NC. I would like to send her a letter explaining my mistake and let her know exactly what I did. Tell her it was my fault and only my fault.

Any help?

Thanks.

[Miss my Heart]

Day 1

I was with the boyfriend for 3 years, during which we rarely fought and were very happy together, but about 4 months ago we had a big fight. Alcohol was involved, both of us were mean. I left...he never asked me to come home. Two months after that we actually ended the relationship, though that night he said he still loved me and just needed space so he could prove he could do this work thing on his own (in the fight I cut his ego and he wanted to prove he didn’t need help), he also said he wanted to try again in the future. Ever since then things have been a rollercoaster from hell. I started with limited contact, hoping for reconciliation. Things were going well. I then was informed that he was seeing someone new (information was provided by an unknown source who I believe was a friend the new fling). Next I found out it was over between him and the girl because she (and her friends) were crazy and brought a lot of drama to his life.

Up until about a week and half ago I had tried to separate myself from him because that's what he had asked for. (And I had read a lot of stuff saying NC was the best way to get over your ex and/or get them back, I wasn't sure what I wanted yet). Unfortunately, on Sunday the 10th we talked for about 2 hours and he said he wanted to be friends...and again said I love you, miss you, want you but don't want to see you. (Confused? Me too!) I asked what friends meant…and he said talking and texting daily was good. I missed him so much that I took it a ran with it, so for the last week and a half we've been talking/texting daily (and where he used to contact me, I have been the one contacting him, What the hell?!!). Tuesday I felt horrible, like it was the first week of the break up all over again…and all because he hadn't responded to one of my texts...yesterday I cried, a lot. I am not a sad person and I am tired of feeling depressed... therefore today I decided to do NO CONTACT. I found this forum by chance and thought “what a great way to help me!” I know in general he is a good man and we had a great relationship but today what I want and what he wants are different and the way things are currently are hurtful to my head, heart and soul. I wish he could get over the fight and realize that I am amazing but he is pretty stubborn so I think it is best to be over him, move on and find happiness elsewhere.

I hope this Forum Helps. It is inspiring to see so many people doing this as well. Congrats to all of you who are doing this successfully and I hope you can help me and others who may have struggles.

[Miss my Heart]

That's great Mellie. Calm is good. I found focusing on breathing (and if possible talking to myself) when I start to feel less calm is helpful. The good and bad comes in waves and embracing the good helps it last longer.

[Miss my Heart]

Day 2

I miss him a lot. Memories of him keep popping in my head. Yesterday I was hanging out with friends (he's never met) and playing volleyball (which he never played)...and yet something was said and 'pop' there he was in my head. I know that I need to let go of him, and I'm hoping no contact will help this, because right now I'll I want is to be held by him.

[Take me back]

O Boy one week. I have to stop adding to the pain and try to clear my head! This is going to be hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. But I'm going to try. Thanks

[Chuck Bartowsk]

Passed the one month mark yesterday. don't think I am going to continue counting the days.

[jeepman41]

I am starting to feel a sense of apathy towards my ex. Feelings of love and passion have been replaced by just a warm genuine feeling. I don't really know how I would react if I was contacted by her. I know the feelings I had three months ago are gone. I never thought that I would reach this point. I do now believe that time heals all wounds.

[jeepman41]

O Boy one week. I have to stop adding to the pain and try to clear my head! This is going to be hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. But I'm going to try. Thanks

 

It's really very hard in the beginning but it does get better in time, you just have to give it time.

[helovesmeyes]

Day 3 of NC. I blocked his number and just want to move on. If I know he's calling it might prolong things. I feel awesome though, I think about him a lot but it gives me peace, and I know I am doing what's right for me. For the first time how he feels is not a factor!

[lonelyheart2]

Hi everyone, hope everyone is handling things ok

it's been a month since my break up (which was long distance *see past forum if interested) and this is Day 11 of NC. I thought I was doing ok at first as I managed to immediately delete him from phone, skype, facebook etc but I'm not really at all and I feel guilty talking to other people about it, and for some weird reason I feel it's easier to say how I'm feeling on an online forum and get the support of all of you who are going through the same thing

I know I'm supposed to feel empowered by doing NC but in all honesty it's just making me feel further and further away from him and more that everything he ever said and did during our relationship was a lie because I don't understand how he can go for so long not talking to me...although I did send him a message saying didn't want to heart him but I knew that we couldn't be friends as it was too painful. etc etc I guess it's a daily battle having to struggle with yourself that this relationship however much you really believed it was at the time was the one that would work isn't because they bailed. I guess I just can't believe he bailed on me........

[Miss my Heart]

Mine has bailed on me too lonelyheart2. I'm on day 5. I miss him so much and I constantly want to call him but I'm realizing that if he's not contacting me then he doesn't want to speak to me. It's hard but day 11 is great and I really hope I can go that long as well. Everyone seems to say it gets easier. I hope that's true. the crushing feeling is hard to function with sometimes.

[lonelyheart2]

I'm sorry to hear that missmyheart day 5 is good though keep it up! What happened to end your relationship? Yeah the fact that they are also not contacting us really helps in keeping NC up, I think the fear that he might ignore any of my messages would hurt more than staying in NC!

[abell481988]

I can say it been 4 months without talking to my ex..I think we started talking again the last week of April after that I went NC again on May 3rd..cause she was with someone else..so why bother..the only thing I can say is that she is going to have to move mountains to get me back..oh yea..I love how her "man" don't like kids(which she have two..)and how most ppl on facebook is pretty much getting tired of them saying that they love each other and that bull...cause they only been together for like 2 months...ugh thank god I had enough sense to delete them..lol

[Miss my Heart]

I'm sorry to hear that missmyheart day 5 is good though keep it up! What happened to end your relationship? Yeah the fact that they are also not contacting us really helps in keeping NC up, I think the fear that he might ignore any of my messages would hurt more than staying in NC!

My Story in a nut shell is:

I was with the boyfriend for 3 years, during which we rarely fought and were very happy together, but about 4 months ago we had a big fight. Alcohol was involved, both of us were mean. I left (his/our home)...he never asked me to come back. Two months after that we actually ended the relationship, though that night he said he still loved me and just needed space so he could prove he could do this work thing on his own (in the fight I cut his ego and he wanted to prove he didn’t need help), he also said he wanted to try again in the future. Ever since then things have been a rollercoaster from hell.

For the last two months we were in contact, never going more then 4-5 days without one of us texting or calling. About 2 weeks ago we talked and he said he still loved me, he missed me, he wanted to be "friends", and he wanted me but he didn't want to see me. (No clue what he wants) So, Last week I just felt like I had had enough. I miss him and I would like to try again but I can't be "friends" (friends are happy for each other when they find a new lover, I could not be happy for him if he found someone new.) I didn't tell him not to call or text me...I just stopped contacting him and now I'm starting day 6. I realize now that I have been so scared of the NC because I know that deep down if I let him go he won't fight for me (dispite what he's said) and it hurts all over again. This has been the worst break up I've ever gone through.

[lonelyheart2]

Wow that sounds quite tough missmyheart, but day six and you are holding on strong Just think that if he doesn't want to fight for you then he's really not worth it but I'm pretty sure he's going to regret losing something so great as your NC journey continues. I guess that's most people's worry when they start NC...the fear that they won't fight for you but it really helps knowing that it just hurts thinking that they didn't feel about you in the same way that you thought they did....

Day 12 for me I have to say in all honesty I just feel like I'm getting worse....tomorrow is a new day I am going to try and do at least 5 useful things

[tujna]

Hey Jeep,

 

I am not saying you should be angry and you should not forgive. But, judging from what I have done in the past and the way my personality is (and it seems to me that you are similar in this respect), sometimes good people are fast to forgive and let go and may times this is taken advantage of by people who care less than we do. They take our forgiveness for granted. This, in turn, lets them off the hook easily and they are not forced to look into their actions and realize that what they are doing has implications. Thus, you are forgiving your ex, but, she has not even asked you for this forgiveness. We should not give to people more than what they have asked for and more than they deserve. This is what I meant by saying that you should be a little angry. Not so much for the anger itself but much more that our action not be interpreted by people as if they can walk all over us (because this is what usually happens). I do think you are doing the right thing by taking the high road and letting go - but you should not let this happen again by easily letting her come back to your life, because, not having faced her issues, she is more than likely to do the same thing all over again.

 

Otherwise, I am about to hit the 3 months mark. I am aiming for all time record this time Due to the presence of someone else in my life, I am sometimes distracted from the healing with my ex as the new guy seems to have big importance in my life. I just wish I was as important to him as well. But, maybe this is what the healing process is supposed to look like - being able to see that there are other people you could give your love if they indeed want it. It has been a lot of back and forth for me. I know I love my ex still but I can feel my feelings for this person are very strong (I am not yet able to understand whether they may develop into something stronger). I just know that I love his presence in my life and I miss him a lot when he is not there.

[Miss my Heart]

Day 7 - My heart is still a little shocked he hasn't called. But it's for the best. It hurts but it will get easier. It's typically the hardest in the mornings. I woke up this morning and was still in that state of dream where you are aware of the dream but believe it is real...he was lying next to me...it was so real in my head I leaned in to kiss the pillow. Then I woke up. Mornings suck. I know he'll fade from my mind heart and soul...I just wish it would be faster. I am not an unhappy person and feeling depressed is a difficult emotion to deal with. I wish I could have him scrubed from my brain. I used to have a picture of him that I took with my phone where he's looking over his shoulder at me and giving me this half smile. the picture has been deleted but the image is burned into my brain. I hate it!

[Take me back]

I hope this gets easier. Day 12 don't know if I could do it. I have a letter and I want to give it to her. explaining how sorry I am. Its not a love letter just an apology letter.

[lonelyheart2]

Day 13 just want to hear his voice again