THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[whadyousay]

Im finding it really hard to not talk to her or see her. I want to know how she is doing soo bad. I have been spending time at a buddy's and her lives right down the road from her so I pass her house several times a day. She doesn't really go places but iv noticed her car not there for a while, shes been spending a lot of time with him I just know it and cant get it out of my head. my friend kept saying dude just stop thinking about her who cares what shes doing and he called her a BI**H. I keep thinking about her and all I did wrong. And the rebound isn't working, like most girls shes not really into me and stopped texting me. I thought about going and telling her that I dont want anything to do with her unless im completely over her and healed and that she would have to stop being such a BI**H to me or if she would take me back because I feel like iv changed alot (Which I have) but that would be breaking NC and im hoping something will happen. I stopped counting the days of my miserable life since we went NC. I still remember trying to tell her bye on the phone, she said "you dont want to talk to me anymore do you?" I said "No" she said " I hope you'll forgive me one day and we can be friends"

[brownage]

I may not be the person you want to hear a reply from. But I'm in the same situation kind of. My ex's rebound lives pretty close to her (5 minute walk), so she's not home a lot because she's always spending time with him. Or he's over at her house. It makes me really bummed out. Because I don't know what exactly she is doing with him but I can only imagine. -sigh-

 

She also insanely cut down on texting me before I went NC. And she did say the exact same thing - "I hope you'll forgive me one day so we can be friends". Blah, it's funny how all girls use the same line. They are just saying that to make us not feel as crappy, when they are insanely happy.

 

But, it does get better. She broke up with me 3 months ago and for almost 2 months I did LC and I did feel a lot better. I'm not 100% better, I still have extremely off days and good days. However, right after she broke it off with me, I was probably at the lowest point in my life, emotional-wise.

 

I'm always projecting fantasies into my mind of how she'll come back to me. Maybe she'll come crying at my doorstep. Maybe I'll come out of the bathroom after taking a shower and she's there sitting on my bed. Maybe she'll send me a letter with all her affection she has for me that was hidden away while she was with her rebound. I'm getting carried away, but the point is, work on yourself! It's probably really hard to do that since you pass by her place a lot. But you will manage, I give you my word. Don't expect this to be easy

[Animelover6764]

Good good she brought him up because she wanted to see how you gonna react towards the subject but you kept your cool you stood high and proud the guy might come over mate but you know who's gonna be on her mind yes that's right you.. why? because you have taken a step further beyond her and she realized that now you are looking forward to something else then just her you are on your own world now mate good luck.

 

 

 

Brown it won't affect any type of future reconciliation if she truly loves you she will drop her rebound and come back and try to talk things over like two mature people.

 

 

Lol rotxsen well tonight i reactivate my FB to add a new buddy and on the news feed i saw her status and it said she had the best day ever and she recall a better day than when he asked her out and had their first kiss and stuff

 

all in CAPS

 

i admit it hurt a little but yea it didn't bother as much

 

i feel more healed

[Rotxsen]

Lol rotxsen well tonight i reactivate my FB to add a new buddy and on the news feed i saw her status and it said she had the best day ever and she recall a better day than when he asked her out and had their first kiss and stuff

 

all in CAPS

 

i admit it hurt a little but yea it didn't bother as much

 

i feel more healed

 

Oh brother that's all BS talk let her say whatever on FB or what other website that it's out there but I bet you a million bucks that she will never say that in front of your face because they might be going out with them and all doesn't mean they are actually happy or fully happy with them it's just foreshadowing what they truly feel human beings hide their feelings until the very end.

[Rotxsen]

Oh by the way Re-read the rules I think one of em was to delete her from fb etc I did and it works great

[Animelover6764]

Oh brother that's all BS talk let her say whatever on FB or what other website that it's out there but I bet you a million bucks that she will never say that in front of your face because they might be going out with them and all doesn't mean they are actually happy or fully happy with them it's just foreshadowing what they truly feel human beings hide their feelings until the very end.

 

lol btw i made a typo she posted she can't recall a better day since then

 

and thanks feeling better

[whadyousay]

The thing that hurt the most was probably when she cam right out and said she replaced with with him because she had too. Im the same way, I feel ontop of the world some days then down others. I have those thoughts too but I also try to move on some days. I know I will never get her out of my head, and to make things worse I met a girl that I might have feelings for and this girl has the exact car and color I recommend to the ex, White 93 GT Convert 5.0 stang plus that girl has the same name as the ex's BEST friend. I think im going to get a diary and write in it. Gosh that sounds gay....

[brownage]

The thing that hurt the most was probably when she cam right out and said she replaced with with him because she had too. Im the same way, I feel ontop of the world some days then down others. I have those thoughts too but I also try to move on some days. I know I will never get her out of my head, and to make things worse I met a girl that I might have feelings for and this girl has the exact car and color I recommend to the ex, White 93 GT Convert 5.0 stang plus that girl has the same name as the ex's BEST friend. I think im going to get a diary and write in it. Gosh that sounds gay....

 

Not gay at all! Ever since I tried going NC I've been writing a journal (diary? Same thing!) of each day after. Then again, I've only gone NC for 2 days and broke it, so I'm back to Day 1 today. Oh wow, same car and colour, and name as your ex's best friend? How weird. Well, don't be jumping into another relationship now if you really do have feelings for this new girl.

 

If you do, it may be a rebound, don't let infatuation get a hold of you if that is all this is. Sure, this new girl might be able to help you get over your ex, but you still have feelings for your ex. Okay I know you said you weren't going to date this new girl but you might have been thinking it. She could help you temporarily forget about your ex, but eventually those feelings of your ex will claw them self back out.

 

Oh yeah I forgot to mention in my last post, I too, also have a friend who calls my ex a b**ch for leaving me and everything. Did you really do anything wrong though? I don't think I did in my relationship, I loved her as much as I could but she still left me. Some things you just can't control.

 

Maybe one day after all this crazy-ness you'll be uber fit and x20000 better looking and she'll see you one day and see that you're doing fine and she'll be thinking "holyyyy, he's so sexy, why did I leave him? I'm so stupid!" - Okay actually, that's probably another one of my fantasies, sorry!

[Rotxsen]

Actually this thread here it's like a journal to me in a way so nothing gay at all

[Rotxsen]

And animelover like I said before it's all mind games she wants her to make you think she's on top of her game remember no one reaches the top without struggle

[whadyousay]

Yeah like everyone else in the world I have done a few bad things which iv really been thinking about lately. I knew we had problems and I asked her to talk about it with me but she said she cant that she tried, none of which I can remember. I never realized it but about a month ago (which im guessing is about when she met him) I went Low contact with her. Thinking about it now maybe hes just something to piss me off? We stopped making love after a month after the break up but we still always slept in the same bed and she would always cuddle with me.

 

I wish I could know what shes thinking. Also maybe a bad thing I wanted to give her the key to her house back but I DID NOT want him to have it (after a week of dating her she gave it to me) so I broke it in half after I locked the door and set it on the step, then I relized I forgot my phone so I had to open the door...now its suck in there and I told her I didn't mean to break it in the door (which I really didn't)

 

yeah we can always dream, but I want someone better...but i want her...well either way im not letting my next relationship have the same problems as the last one, I have to be better. I feel bipolar over her.

 

ALSO: Everyone on here has really helped me, I just want to say thanks and I will do the best I can to help anyone that i can.

[Big Bear]

Day 22

 

Yesterday would of been our 1.5 yr together, and we probably took off to somewhere special..

 

but that made it only yr and 4 months together.. now counting down 2 months and a week since we talked..

 

I thought I was getting stronger but her always in my mind. It really felt like a looong happy dream, sometime I realized that it's real because there are things I have belong from her (my wallet, cards, pics, some clothes, etc..), but sometime it felt like unreal because I can't make the it happen anymore (like talking to her, seeing her, dating, etc)

 

I wish i can go back in time..

[brownage]

Day 22

 

Yesterday would of been our 1.5 yr together, and we probably took off to somewhere special..

 

but that made it only yr and 4 months together.. now counting down 2 months and a week since we talked..

 

I thought I was getting stronger but her always in my mind. It really felt like a looong happy dream, sometime I realized that it's real because there are things I have belong from her (my wallet, cards, pics, some clothes, etc..), but sometime it felt like unreal because I can't make the it happen anymore (like talking to her, seeing her, dating, etc)

 

I wish i can go back in time..

 

I also have many belongings from my ex as well. They are scattered throughout my room. They've pretty much become a part of my room, especially this one work of art she made.

 

After breaking up you really do wish you could go back in time and relive those memories. But would you want to relive those memories if you knew she was going to break up with you? Maybe you could try to stop it, but what if you couldn't? I don't know.

 

When you went NC, did you discuss it with her before you did or did you just randomly disappear from her life? When I went NC I talked to her about it and she understood and we ended off on a good note, I think.

[brownage]

Day 2 (again) -

 

I just found out that she deleted me from messenger. I'm really bummed out. She probably did that because I told her we shouldn't talk anymore and me not being on her messenger anymore will demotivate her from talking to me. I don't really know what to think right now...

[bitebenot]

Bite you old dog!!! I had to backtrack through the last few pages to find a post of yours.

Hope you are good mon frere from another era

And those last few lines in your post...mighty sweet from you mate

Glad you gor the peace you sort. I still encounter brief tornadoes deep inside but I too know those will pass.

 

TC my friend.

Hope to read your posts here again soon.

TS

 

It's true that i don't bark much lately while i should. TS, you seem to be doing really well ! It will get better trust me. Six month's since the break-up for me..time is flying by even tho i was in pain for a long period.

 

Keep in touch dude....i love to read your condensed stories mostly when you tell us how it went when you were face to face with her.

 

I really hope you get whatever you're looking for.

[bitebenot]

Day 2 (again) -

 

I just found out that she deleted me from messenger. I'm really bummed out. She probably did that because I told her we shouldn't talk anymore and me not being on her messenger anymore will demotivate her from talking to me. I don't really know what to think right now...

 

She just did you a great favor ! Desappear from her for you're own sake.

Make yourself first and her last. She's happy..do the same.

Stay in NC and ignore anything that mean's nothing at all.

 

All you have left is your pride...let it kick in ! Prove to her that you can do just fine whitout her presence. Take time to heal. Be with friend's and have fun for a change. Move on and keep your hope at a low level.

 

Say this to yourself from now on " me..myself and i !

[Big Bear]

I also have many belongings from my ex as well. They are scattered throughout my room. They've pretty much become a part of my room, especially this one work of art she made.

 

After breaking up you really do wish you could go back in time and relive those memories. But would you want to relive those memories if you knew she was going to break up with you? Maybe you could try to stop it, but what if you couldn't? I don't know.

 

When you went NC, did you discuss it with her before you did or did you just randomly disappear from her life? When I went NC I talked to her about it and she understood and we ended off on a good note, I think.

 

well, she broke up with me on the phone.. it was the last thing i can think of.. It was pretty devastating, she told me that we had more fight recently and she doesn't want to hurt anymore. she told me break up now then later on will be even more painful.. she told me that we're incompatible, and both of us can't change the bad habits.. i asked her when I would see her again, she said not for a while.. i still thinking of what that means, perhaps maybe I will see her one day when time is right.. how long and when, I have no clue.

I asked her how about we still talk to each other on the phone everyday, she said not going to be like this anymore..

 

so then that night we talked more then 2 hrs, until it was so late, we both were so tired and she said we should both get some rest.. the plan before we broke up was that she's going to visit me the next day, but she told me that she's not coming.. It was such of bad timing that period, there were rain almost everyday, superbowl weekend (i asked to join me and friends, but she doesnt like football, so i guess she got annoyed that i kept asking her..), and she had to take care stuffs and always she have her family gathering dinner.. she was very busy during that period especially her works, etc.. i guess part of the reason this broke up was the timing, new year, work, some arguments, every little thing built up..

 

anyway, we never mention about NC or anything.. i guess she's the one NCing, i tried to contact her in many way, (email, calling, mailing), nothing work.. so i decided to be NC myself.. it's been over 24 days already since I NC..

[brownage]

That's so sad I'm sorry. My ex was also like that in some ways. She said "look at how bad it's been for the past few months, and all the disagreements and such." And then she had to break it off. And 4 days later (New years eve) she spent it with the guy she is dating now. I was so heartbroken and I thought I wouldn't have been able to live another day.

 

It just made me think so many awful things at the time. At the beginning of the break up, my ex was the one that told me we should not be talking, and then the next day she'd message or text me. She said she was so used to talking to me. Then about a week after we broke up I called her, and we talked from 5am - 8am, and I was crying for 80% of the time. And after I stopped she said "do you feel better now?" But in a nice way. I knew I couldn't have her anymore after that.

 

But I really do hope things work out for you! She'll see one day that you're very strong willed and that you can live without her and maybe she'll just realize how precious you were to her. By that time you could be long gone. Keep up the great work!

[brownage]

She just did you a great favor ! Desappear from her for you're own sake.

Make yourself first and her last. She's happy..do the same.

Stay in NC and ignore anything that mean's nothing at all.

 

All you have left is your pride...let it kick in ! Prove to her that you can do just fine whitout her presence. Take time to heal. Be with friend's and have fun for a change. Move on and keep your hope at a low level.

 

Say this to yourself from now on " me..myself and i !

 

Thanks Bite! That really does make me feel quite a bit better. I actually ALMOST sent her an email trying to apologize on how we left off on a bad note the last time we talked, but reading your post makes me not want to send it anymore at all!

 

I will stay in NC and let my pride shine

[bitebenot]

Thanks Bite! That really does make me feel quite a bit better. I actually ALMOST sent her an email trying to apologize on how we left off on a bad note the last time we talked, but reading your post makes me not want to send it anymore at all!

 

I will stay in NC and let my pride shine

 

Trust me on that one...it's the only way to go.

You owe her nothing at all. Give her time away from you

and see what happen's.

She gave you a ticket to freedom...so why not use it ?

Never let her manipulate you in any way !

 

The only time she will try to communicate will be

when she need's you...but never for you. She will be selfish.

If it's not about reconciliation you keep ignoring her.

Just hang on...it will be easyer with time.

[Big Bear]

Thanks Brownage! At least you still get to talk to her after breakup, as for me, total NC from her since.. i never would of imagine be that way. All my friends said she got a cold shoulder after I made all those contacts to her, not even sign of anything..

 

as for now, i just have to take care of myself, know what i wanted, work on my personal growth, and see from there. who knows what future awaiting for me, there could be someone even more special waiting for me somewhere in this planet..

 

I hope your doing great too! Work out a plan and stick to it!

[Rotxsen]

What's the point on talking really when there true intentions is to hurt your mending heart? at the end every ex does that in order to keep you manipulated and when you disappear and go NC they don't see that coming at all.

[Loxxt]

What's the point on talking really when there true intentions is to hurt your mending heart? at the end every ex does that in order to keep you manipulated and when you disappear and go NC they don't see that coming at all.

 

Agreed. As a dumper I reveled in the knowledge that my ex was sad and hurt and I felt like if things didn't work out with my gigs/rebound that I'd just walk on back. When he went nc it forced me to see reality: rejection and that he's moving on. By nc you dump them back. This needs to be done to level the playing field. Once some time has passed then nic if you truly wish it. But at this point it's a whole new ball game. And yes I agree Rotxsen, I totally didn't expect it and it made me feel like crap. Never underestimate the power of nc...

[whadyousay]

last night I emailed her asking for a time she would not be there so I could get my grill. She has sense tried to get a conversation going with me. I emailed her back and told her I cant be friends with her, told her I have 3 girls that replaced her since she "replaced me" with 1 guy and that I got my car fixed. heres what she wrote, does it mean anything? also the "bomb" was a big capacitor and I said right under the picture that it was a cap, I just wanted to show her what I made

 

 

I'm glad that you're seeing someone. I want to help you move on but everything I did just made it worse. Nothing I could do would help, only hurt. I'm so sorry I hurt you, you have no idea how sorry I am. You probably think I'm a heartless * * * * * , but I really do care about you.

 

I understand how you feel. It was selfish of me to want to be friends with you and still have you in my life. Yes, I did lie to you about Jeremy but you were sending me pictures of non functioning bombs and sounded suicidal. I didn't want to set you over the edge. I was so scared.

 

I'm so glad you got your car fixed. I know how happy it made you - a lot more than I could ever make you - so I'm glad you have it back. It's probably for the best that we just not talk anymore, but please believe me when I say that I really do miss you. Every time I see a car go by, I want to talk about it with you. I wish you could forgive me and hope that one day you will.

[TSandullo]

Day 41 – Work and flirtation with the ex

 

This is the first time I am writing on ENA while having my ex sit next to me.

Have to cut paste to word so I can save and finish to post later.

She peeks over to look and as what I am doing only to see me alt-tab out of view.

 

Woke early today to hit the gym early. Had a great intense workout and was feeling great.

I looked great too: My new check shirt, great jeans and shoes to match. The works. My gym body looked great in it all.

 

The only thing was I have been sporting a bit of a scruffy beard recently. My ex loved my goatie but never wanted me to go beyond that. But who cares. I grow it for me. Woohoo.

 

So I went to uni afterwards. I was going to meet my ex to do some work on a group report we were working on together. I met other group members the day before but today I was to work with her.

 

It has been over two weeks since we bumped into each other in a corridor and had a quick chat about work.

 

Another mutual friend of ours, this dude who doesn’t have many close friends was going to join us.

 

So, I settled myself in a computer lab and she came by shortly afterwards. She looked beautiful in her purple dress. She had makeup on.

 

We politely exchanged greetings and sat besides me.

 

I won’t write what happened throughout the whole 6 hours we were together but will list any things I find ‘key’ followed by a list of things I think I did wrong (in terms of attempting to reconcile)

 

All I can say is that our work meeting turned out being a work-cum-shamelessflirt session…

 

Key things

 

-She say very close to me and leaned in very close at times throughout the day. When our legs touched close when she leaned in, neither of us flinched. Arm rub, boob rub, the lot.

 

-I remained stoic and not responding to those activities (it must be noted she is not a touchy feely person at all with strangers, doesn’t even kiss her mother, but with a lover and her daughter, she is very affectionate) but I had to resist the urge of pouncing on her body when she leaned back, chest stuck out to run her fingers through her hair…yummy….my hands…running over those orbs…

 

-At times when I was intensely focused on our work, I would notice her looking at me…

 

-We had a very friendly air about us and I was very cheerful and upbeat the whole time. As we worked, I mock teased her for her spelling, poor English (she is not a native English) and other things. I received playful slaps from her…again and again and again…She said “I don’t know why I keep hitting you…”

 

-We were in a somewhat busy computer lab and when she made a fuss about something, I shouted out loud “Why do you ALWAYS do this!!!”,

 

-Then the poking began…I am very ticklish and she knows it for years. And she began jabbing me in the sides. I told her not to (faux serious) and she apologized not, knowing what has got into her today.

 

-Later on she kept poking me, still not knowing what was up with her. I then thought,’fine!’ then started jabbing her in her belly. I accidently punched her…ooops…

 

-As our friend was sat with us, I continued being jovial and playful with her, while getting on with work of course. We had a battle with one another in an attempt to get tickles and jabs with one another. From the outset it would have looked like two lovers frolicking at work…

 

-At one point, I said something in a humorous manner and she grabbed my throat and mock strangled me…I said “you’re only doing that as an excuse to touch my neck.”

She looked at me and then said “Yes” and strangled me again…

 

-I keep asking her when is she leaving and when she is going home, constantly reminding her of her departure…she said “What! You want me to leave!”

 

-After nearly two months of bloody avoiding her motherf******* facebook profile, she bloody sits next to me and unwittingly boots up the damn thing only to call me and show me something she has uploaded. Charming eh? I spend all this time avoiding my ex’s FB and here I am…sat next to her, letting her show me the bloody damn thing.

I turn from her and utter ‘bloody hell’ to myself, considering the irony of the whole situation

 

-At some point, while I was using the computer mouse, she was running my pen in between my fingers in a dreamy manner. I asked her what she was doing. She said…”Mmmm…I’m just being silly…”. I began playing with my beard. She asked me am I nervous. I said “me? Nervous? I play with pens when I’m nervous…”

 

-Later we leave the building with my friend and I take them for a casual unceremonious cider bottle drinkup before leaving uni. I confiscated her phone for her ‘silliness’ and she took my psp. She (mock annoyed) said she wants to kick me. I said I am sure she want to do other things to me but not in uni. She asked me what do I mean. I said I dunno….

 

-She remained very close to me (as was my mate) on the train and looked at me intensely…wanting her phone back. When she was approaching her stop, I told her I was gonna throw her off…I put her phone in her bag while we were drinking… Then later I left not saying bye probably.

 

And that was our day. Got the work done. And flirted an awful lot.

 

I love her still but don’t need her in my life to function. Would love to reconcile. I know not of her rebound (if it is status) though she is not one to flirt so intensely with someone when dating someone.

 

So, there is my log of the activities.

 

On the whole I believe I displayed a happy, positive, masculine, carefree mannerism.

However, I do hope the level of flirtation and the duration of time we spent together didn’t kill curiosity that may have accumulated in our time apart.

 

What say you all about my interaction? Let the objective observations roll in.

 

All the best friends

 

TS