THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[TSandullo]

After 30 days of NC - REVIEW date

 

Day 31 today, was out all day yesterday cecelebrating a friend's birthday. Been a bday marathon couple of months.

 

So, after 30 days of Nc, I write my review here looking back over the past month.

 

What prompted me to go into this challenge?

The day I saw she 'liked' one of the other guy's status settings of facebook.

From that day on I refrained from looking at her profile and his.

 

Throughout the past month, I see that I have gone up and down emotionally however approching the past couple of weeks in NC, I have levelled out a lot.

I have developed myself quite significantly over the past few weeks: my physical state, my emotional state, my intellectual state, all of them have improved.

 

I see that there is a wide world in front of me yet to be explored and that world can not be deprived of me simply because I was waiting for her as I did before.

 

I have moved on now. Initially I was afraid of moving on, leaving her behind, leaving behind all those memories, the good things, the bonds I had built with her and her daughter. But I have come out of it well I am glad to say.

 

I look forward to completing my studies soon, then I will be out of her face for good.

Then the real, true NC will begin. I will no longer be studying with her, revising with her, doing group projects with her and I will not be running the club with her any longer.

 

How do I feel about her after 30 days of NC?

I do miss her at times, I do have some feelings for her. And sometimes do suddenly appear and then go. But they will just stay as good memories. If the opportunity came to reconcile, I might still go for it, as long as she demonstrates real commitment to it working, otherwise I will not tolerate halfheartedness.

 

Her being in my life is a bonus, otherwise I don't really need her at all. Any woman in my life is a bonus to the great single life I already possess...which will get even better.

 

So, for the next few weeks, my interaction with her is still polite, to the point, minimal etc with nothing more. And I would like to keep it that way until I can slowly fade out of her life for good.

 

I am feeling very good today, very good.

 

Easter Sunday here today, wishing you all happy holidays and a wonderful life!

 

TC all

 

TS

[whadyousay]

would it be considered contact to open a text?

 

im starting today, i let her go last night and its really hard to keep from calling her. I love her, i really do. I feel like im dead inside. iv ben drinking and cutting my pain away. it hurts, i just want her back soo bad. why does she want him and not me? I was good to her.My life is falling apart, i like you theresa and I always will. This is my first day.

[whadyousay]

im still on day one and shes still visiting in OR until tomorrow, i went back yet again to her house to get more things i left and in doing so I saw her condom box laying out... im still sick to my stomach, iv went out to see friends and usually riding the ninja around makes me feel better but I just miss her riding on the back. at this point im grossed out and I really feel like just cuddling with a random girl even if I dont want her. its really hard for me and im still in the middle of wanting her back (and doing anything at all possible even the extremes that wont work) and wanting to move on. Iv also been holding my phone all day, I haven't gotten a text but i think it would really do my heart good if she texted me saying sorry and I miss you, my phone automatically displays a preveiw of the message so I cant just leave it in the inbox. Im still doing NC no matter what unless she comes out and says I want to be serous with you. Would it be bad for me to visit her neighbor but not even look at her if shes around? im really not good at thinking.

[Animelover6764]

day 5 after my ex contact me on wed i went to NC and i met 2 friends angel and anna both cute

[jinxremoving]

would it be considered contact to open a text?

Of course. No contact means no contact. No calls, texts, facebook/myspace/twitter messages, email, no trying to "accidentally" bump into them. Nothing. Nada. Extend that not looking at any images, previous texts etc. Basically just behave like they never existed, it's the quickest way to mend a broken heart.

[Animelover6764]

Of course. No contact means no contact. No calls, texts, facebook/myspace/twitter messages, email, no trying to "accidentally" bump into them. Nothing. Nada. Extend that not looking at any images, previous texts etc. Basically just behave like they never existed, it's the quickest way to mend a broken heart.

 

i agree with that

[whadyousay]

im on day 2 of NC but I have to start over so day one. I always have been a person to not drink or ever do drugs but since she broke up with me its seems to all be going down the drain. Last night I broke NC I might of messed up BIG I have never done drugs in my live but I got high and all the pain seemed to go away. I do not support drugs, i just dont know what came over me. I looked at my phone to find I id text her and at 3am. I told her I was sorry for being an angry person and I told her I dont like her bf but im happy that she found someone and he makes her happy and also said im happy you got everything you ever wanted. I think I screwed up big and I really dont want to get kicked off this site for talking about drugs, all m. shes probably going to text me back soon but I dont want to see it. I really dont want to do drugs either all my friends do it. If she finds out shes gone forever even as a friend. I miss her so much. I feel better though, i think that telling her to be happy and that im happy got me closer to healing but I cant do it again, any of it.

[whadyousay]

Last night I dreamed that I was watching over her from heaven or somewhere in the sky in a cloud or something, in this dream I was happy seeing her with this guy and happy shes not hurting. I woke up this morning and I had a smile on my face. does this mean im moving on? Or that im not moving forward at all?

[Rotxsen]

Last night I dreamed that I was watching over her from heaven or somewhere in the sky in a cloud or something, in this dream I was happy seeing her with this guy and happy shes not hurting. I woke up this morning and I had a smile on my face. does this mean im moving on? Or that im not moving forward at all?

 

I'll say that's true love if you can have a smile even if she's with someone else just like me haha.. we must now move on brother we done what we could we helped we protected we loved our time it's up but yes if you can see that and have no problem you realized your feelings for her yet you know what you gotta do move on.

[Big Bear]

Day 15

 

Just came back yesterday, I had a great trip! Visited Arches @ Utah, Antelope Canyon @ Page, AZ. It was really nice to relax and enjoy away from the city..

 

I feel somewhat different now, I still miss her a lot but I actually realized that I have to let it go slowly. It really takes time to heal, this NC definitely help me a lot!

 

Some advice to others, if your going to contact your ex again, make sure get ready that they won't response you. Don't keep your high hope by doing so, or else you will get hurt again. If I am going to contact my ex, I will just rather keep it simple, like e-mail, just to say hi and tell her/him that I am okay and your okay.

[Animelover6764]

Day 6

 

nothing special

 

just worked out and ran outside

[Loxxt]

I wish I could just ffwd to 6 months, a year from now and see where I am so I can be happy where I am now and confident that things will work out. I'm lonely. I either want him or someone else. I'm impatient. I want to know whether it's over and done with or not so I can move on. I saw the letter he wrote to the friend. It was all about me. Asking if he deserves a second chance, how he wants help getting back together, etc. The one line about his current gf was saying that he couldn't see himself staying happy with her cuz of his memories of me. It's so hard to walk away from that. I don't know what to do. I almost want to find someone else so I can forget him and he can experience the pain and loss as I did. Horrible way to think, I know. Would mostly result in a rebound. Will he phone? Will he call? Will he follow through?? I hate waiting. I'm not holding out for him, I've gone out with guys but I feel like part of me is and it's mostly mentally. I want to be done feeling this way. I hate this game.

[1guygirl]

loxxt....from what you said about your ex it really should be game over end of finito addios

 

why oh why are you even thinking bout whether he phones or not??...look at the way he treat you!!

 

youre 21 with all your life ahead, dont waste it on this guy who cheated...youre gunna have to find youre own closure from within ~ chrissakes hes deff gave you closure from his part

[Loxxt]

loxxt....from what you said about your ex it really should be game over end of finito addios

 

why oh why are you even thinking bout whether he phones or not??...look at the way he treat you!!

 

youre 21 with all your life ahead, dont waste it on this guy who cheated...youre gunna have to find youre own closure from within ~ chrissakes hes deff gave you closure from his part

 

I think I'm wondering if he'll call because I do want us to fix things. I want him to fix his problems and for us to get back together. I wanted this but nit picked him so much to make it easier to move on but now that I've seen what he wrote and it was all about how he wants to fix things and be together again it just hits me in my sweet spot. Ya know? He's made me weak again. If a guy wrote you saying he thinks about you every day, wants to make amends but doesn't know how or if he can right now, feels that he can't go on without you every day, wants you, etc. It's hard to not want to at least leave the door open and see if he'll put those words to action. That's where I'm at. I took a step back, opened the door slightly and I keep walking on my way. It's on my mind everyday and I know that just as before and as it always ends up, as I start to think more of myself and less of him that's when he'll do something. The future of us is in his hands. If he wants to make amends and work on himself that's all up to him cuz I've given him all I can and I'm trying to continue on my way but it's harder now that I know he wants to fix things so I'm waiting as in waiting to see what he'll do. Not waiting for him per se.

[1guygirl]

yes if a guy wrote them things and we had jus split amicably with no 3rd person...then yes, its worth consideration

 

but he cheated on you/left you for someone else and the grass wasnt greener and now hes laying on the patter

 

course he wants to fix things...hes got nowt left but his own selfishness staring right back at him

[Loxxt]

yes if a guy wrote them things and we had jus split amicably with no 3rd person...then yes, its worth consideration

 

but he cheated on you/left you for someone else and the grass wasnt greener and now hes laying on the patter

 

course he wants to fix things...hes got nowt left but his own selfishness staring right back at him

 

I know, I know! I need to hear this to think logicaly again. Thanks for helping me get my head out of the clouds. I'm trying to think now, actually think how I'd feel I he said that stuff to my face. I'd be so sad, so flattered, so angry. I meant what I said before. He really is tainted to me. I wouldn't be able to trust him. I'd probably gag or push him away if he tried to kiss me. I can't say I fully regret writing that second email because it said a lot of things I needed to say but I do regret changing my mindset. It really doesn't make sense. How was I so quickly and EASILY able to overlook him cheating and leaving me for the woman he just met and cheated on me with??! I just can't easily forget what he wrote cuz it's what I've been waiting to hear. Stupid boy and his selfish mind games.

[Rotxsen]

Simple sweetheart when you started NC you should have stopped playing this mind games a long time ago that was the reason most of us start doing NC because we had enough of our ex's playing with us getting us all emotional if we hear about them doing better then us or they found another partner as a rebound etc.

 

All I'm saying is move on is not worth it busting your back over this anymore it's gonna take some time but the longer you play this game the longer is gonna get you out of it trust me and who knows in 6 months you might not even be that happy see me as an example It's been almost half of year and I still miss the relationship but I keep on going with my head strong hoping one day I'll find a reason to hear this heart ticking again until then I'm just doing me.

[deecbee]

Hi guys... been a few months since I've been in this thread. Maybe a month and a half.

 

On Day 25 right now... a new record!! Still not as easy breezy as I'd like it to be, but it is easier, at least. It feels like the sadness/urges to contact come in waves. I'll be fine for a few weeks and barely think about him, then something will trigger my memory of him and I'll feel mopey for another few weeks- and that's usually when you'll find me on these boards again.

 

He ended up dumping me, even though I was the one that gave him the ultimatum about getting his act together and getting therapy- how do you like that one?! I didn't cry or beg as I have in the past. I cut ties instantly, mostly out of anger and to "show him" he was making a mistake. I deleted my email addresses and deactivated my Facebook. I went into NC so quickly his head spun. A week into it, he texted me on my birthday saying he'd always love me and I'd always be on his mind. I responded with "thanks." Have not heard anything since. I did reactivate my Facebook a few weeks ago, and even though we weren't friends on FB at that point, he still blocked me.

 

That move on his part has really set me back and put me on edge about the whole situation again. And I can't stop obsessing over it all over these boards, lol. I just want to know the meaning of it all, dammit!

[whadyousay]

Its day 3 since I started NC but it feels like a month, its driving me nuts. I passed by her house 4 times yesterday going to and from my friend house and while friends that are girls were on my bike she was home all 4 times because her car was there, first time I stared at her house waiting for her to come out second time I briefly looked and last two times I didnt even look. I felt great yesterday and im still making progress, I have a date with two different girls on two different nights, one of them has the same glasses as her. I saw again her aunt and uncle on facebook and I saw the newsfeed saying she like her sisters status. I feel sad now but I feel like I dont want her back but at the same time im like AC current I go positive-negative-positive.... and I want her back again then I dont. I want her happy but I want to be as well. let me live my life and move on, should I hate her for hurting me?

[nikkk]

Day 1: No contact? So.. what if there's a baby involved? I can't stand to see him! Our baby is only 9 months! I have written a post about what happened and a little of our history. I just want to be with him. But I don't know how to go about these rules when I have a baby. Maybe I'll just keep her from him for a little?

[Animelover6764]

Day 8

 

New record

 

Feeling fine

[stormgurl10]

day 1: april 7th.

 

yeah i made the misteak of talking to my ex ever since the break up. and he did a lot of nasty things. and said a lot of mean things. and he is already on the rebound. its typical of him. i feel bad he doesnt realize what he lost. even though im the one that left. he was just so messed up. but it does hurt hes no longer there. and that is normal. but i know life is easier without the emotional abuse. and theres a bigger and better love out there for me.

[Big Bear]

Day 18

 

Went to Barnes and Noble after work to check out some relationship related books. I picked this one up it's called "Getting Back Together: How To Reconcile With Your Partner - And Make It Last". I read a few chapters in the beginning, it's pretty good, this book does not show you step-by-step how to get back to your partner, but rather put into blocks of how to work on yourself first before ready to reunite with your partner. I would recommend this book for some easy reading.

 

It makes me think about while reading the book, breakup could be a positive thing especially if one day you will reunite with your partner. Breakup gives you a chance to understand yourself, what you really want, accomplish some goals, become stronger and more confidence, and do the things that you always wanted to. You do not want to rush yourself getting back together too fast without correcting the issues, to heal the feeling of lost and mend your heart, it could be worst that could really end the relationship. So take your time to reflect yourself while you can, be positive, and one day, if fate comes, you and your partner will be back together before you even know it! Good luck!

[bitebenot]

Month six since "d" day lol. Yes i still miss her somehow. No more roller coster rides or dreams. Shes out for good. I dont know anything about her or how shes doing and i couldnt care less really. No hopes or expectations and i know its the only way to go for anyone whos in the same situation.

The answers to my questions are found here "who cares" and "i dont care" ! My life is taking another direction now and its not worse or better than before because i still feel that litle void that she left behind.

 

I think of her less and less all the time and thats terrific.

Never spent energy trying to find out what she was doing or how it was with her novelty. Never drove pass her house or trying to cross her path somewhere.

 

I still stand by the idea of staying away from the ex and to disappear completely. I didnt want any hopes or expectations; they can be so toxic. By doing so it did help me tremendously to heal faster.

 

I would not be surprise to receive a call from her in the next few months

when her honeymon ends...wouldnt that be a riot ?

My answer will(or would lets face it) be very simple and to the point...get lost dear !

My conscience is now at peace and thats what i wanted, nothing more !

It was very hard on me but i still want her to reach her goal and aspirations.

Good luck ex.

[hellodoe]

Day 4

 

we are on very amicable terms, and she has made many attempts to reach out to me. but i have ignored them all.

 

hopefully i can stick to this until we are forced to see each other in june!

 

can't take another minute of this over emotional woman.