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F Buddy Just Doesn't Get It - How do I tell him to stop contacting me?

sbux_addict

By sbux_addict
in Dating Advice

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Crazyaboutdogs Proficient

Crazyaboutdogs

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So let me get this straight...you never actually told your FB that you found a boyfriend and that is why you can't do it anymore? Why wouldn't you tell him? This is all part of the disrespect that people have with FB. You made the choice to engage in this FB situation...yes, you decided to end it...but wouldn't it have been KINDER for you to end it by saying that you met someone and can no longer be with him? Why the secrecy. I wonder if all your problems would have been solved had you been honest with this guy. Instead it sounds to me like you blew him off and you expect him to just deal with it when he has no idea why you were so up for a tumble between the sheets before. Maybe had you explained in the first place why you can no longer be with him he would not have been so incredulous and keep trying his luck with you. I hear so often of men disrespecting their FBs and women being upset...here the shoe is on the other foot. You should have told him the real reason why you could no longer be with him so that he wouldn't have to guess and be left in the dark as to why you just cut him off.

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ghost69 Mentor

ghost69

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Soooooo. if you were sleeping with a girl for 7 months and she no longer wanted to be with you, you wouldn't, at least, want an explanation?

 

I don't know, seems to me I would feel better knowing that a guy met someone else rather than wonder why he didn't want to see me anymore.. like maybe I did something wrong...Especially if I thought we were more than f-buddies...

 

like i said, if he thinks they are more than f buddies that is his problem. he let emotion get in the way. how is she supposed to know he wanted more than that? her impression was that it was just sex. if she says it can no longer continue, that is all she has to say. if he asks why, that is up to her to tell him she found someone and is exclusive with him. IMO, this guy and her never had any serious conversation about what they were. from what i gathered it was just hooking up.

 

i've gone through this with FWBs. i usually found a gf and the girls get emotional about it. i never expressed emotions or feelings for them. my understanding was that it was just sex. that's how FWBs work. if more, it's not FWBs. if one-sided, it's like i always say, in FWBs someone almost always gets feelings for the other.

 

she can tell this guy, 'it was fun, but i need to move on, thank you for the fwb for the time being.' he should get that clue as to what they were. if not, he got emotional, not her fault.

 

sure telling the guy why would be nice. but she shouldn't have to if she doesn't want to. if it comes down to that and she tells him and he still is buggin her, she needs to go to authorities. but he has just been texting and calling so far right op?

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sbux_addict Enthusiast

sbux_addict

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I did tell him that I am seeing someone else. In fact, I had wanted to end it with him right after the first date with my bf, even though I didn't know how the "relationship" would turn out. After the third date, I didn't feel comfortable seeing him as an fbuddy because I felt like I was cheating even though I had every right to do what I want since my bf and I weren't official yet. And you know what the fb said? He was like, "So what if you're cheating? Maybe when you guys are official, we can still secretly see each other." I mean, pretty messed up right?

 

So yes, he does know I am seeing someone. He does know I have a bf. There was an official "we're breaking up" talk, even though we were just fbuddies. I mean, he did bring up the fact that, had we reversed the roles, I would be upset too since we were hanging out for about 7 months...but you know what, during the first few months, I wanted something more, or at least hoped for something more to come of the fbuddy set-up, relationship, possibly, but he didn't really want to. In fact, if you look at my past threads about him, he was pretty messed up. I'm over it, not bitter about that at all, but he had plenty of chances to make it official, he didn't want it either.

 

Yes, it's another case of wanting your cake and eating it too.

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sbux_addict Enthusiast

sbux_addict

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As far as I know he wasn't emotional about it to the point of wanting a relationship. I mean, he did break some rules, like he spent the night most of the time, we kissed, did me favors and all that, but I didn't get the impression that he wanted something more. The first few months I wanted something more, but we had a 3 week break, and then I didn't see him anymore than a fbuddy.

 

And yes, he has just been texting, so I'm not sure if I need a restraining order at this point.

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sbux_addict Enthusiast

sbux_addict

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why do you leave out details like this when posting about stuff like this? you definitely do not need to reply to him then. no way.

 

It's all just coming back to me now, that's why. I think he's probably just trying to see whether I'd take the bait or not. You know how some people are, let's say they get into an argument with their SO, and then, maybe because they were hurt or they were so pissed off that they want to get back at them that they do something stupid? Maybe he's testing me out, I don't know. That's why I'm torn between responding and not responding...because i ain't going to cheat on anyone.

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ghost69 Mentor

ghost69

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It's all just coming back to me now, that's why. I think he's probably just trying to see whether I'd take the bait or not. You know how some people are, let's say they get into an argument with their SO, and then, maybe because they were hurt or they were so pissed off that they want to get back at them that they do something stupid? Maybe he's testing me out, I don't know. That's why I'm torn between responding and not responding...because i ain't going to cheat on anyone.

 

well, it sounds like you already explained yourself if he knows your current situation. you do not need to reply anymore.

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JadedStar Collaborator

JadedStar

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Hi everyone,

 

Before I met my bf, I had an f buddy who I was hooking up with for 7 months. When I saw real potential with my bf, I cut ties with the f buddy. Obviously, fb didn't take it well, but there really was no way I could have possibly entered a relationship with him.

 

Anyhow, since I severed ties with the f buddy, he's tried to contact me. The first few times, I ignored it, but then he kept on contacting me/texting me. So then I told him I couldn't do it anymore. And then a couple of weeks later, he sends me a text message again.

 

I just want him to stop contacting me, and I don't know what else I should do. Please help!

 

He'll tire of this if you never respond.

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ghost69 Mentor

ghost69

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Ok, I guess the more effective solution is to just ignore it. I don't know what else there is to do. Hopefully it doesn't escalate into anything further.

 

i have girls that do this to me. i just ignore it. if they show up at my door (which they won't), the police will come because i will call them.

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angellight Rookie

angellight

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Okay Now that we know the WHOLE story...Just dont respond....DELETE...NEW MESSAGE......DELETE..... NEW MESSAGE.....DELETE....I think a restraining order is a bit over the top...he doesn't make any threats....what can you say.... you were a great....f#CK..he doesn't want to give it up....take a bow....lol....

 

you could change the number but that is a bit of a pain since you have to give it to ALLLLLL of your friends and contacts...

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Scorpion Fury Contributor

Scorpion Fury

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Obviously, you didn't read the post.

 

I did read the post. You're not telling him to leave you alone. You just ignore his texts thinking he will just go away. He's not going away. Most people do, but obviously this guy isn't the brightest crayon in the box. At this point, you don't even need to be nice or polite to this guy. I wouldn't. If he still won't leave you alone, change your number.

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