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F Buddy Just Doesn't Get It - How do I tell him to stop contacting me?

sbux_addict

By sbux_addict
in Dating Advice

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sbux_addict Enthusiast

sbux_addict

Posted
Posted

Hi everyone,

 

Before I met my bf, I had an f buddy who I was hooking up with for 7 months. When I saw real potential with my bf, I cut ties with the f buddy. Obviously, fb didn't take it well, but there really was no way I could have possibly entered a relationship with him.

 

Anyhow, since I severed ties with the f buddy, he's tried to contact me. The first few times, I ignored it, but then he kept on contacting me/texting me. So then I told him I couldn't do it anymore. And then a couple of weeks later, he sends me a text message again.

 

I just want him to stop contacting me, and I don't know what else I should do. Please help!

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PsychGirly Enthusiast

PsychGirly

Posted
Posted
Wow... this is a request for a "How To Be A Dumper: For Dummies".

 

I agree with what others have said. You tell him it’s over you’ve moved on. You want no further contact. He needs to respect those wishes or of course there’s always the restraining order.

 

I was going to suggest a restraining order, but in some states, it doesn't apply to phone calls. It's meant to keep the person away from you physically.

 

You should research about the powers of a restraining order in your state.

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karvala Collaborator

karvala

Posted
Posted
Have your BF call him and tell him!

 

Yes, this can be surprisingly effective. In a former relationship, we got rid of my then gf's rather persistent ex using that technique, and it worked very well. I think he found the humiliation of being patronised by the guy who was now sleeping with his former gf just too much to handle, and decided to finally cut his losses. It's sad when it has to come to that, but don't be afraid to do it if you need to.

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IMAbadman Contributor

IMAbadman

Posted
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Yeah just what I want to tell my new partner. "Hey my F-buddy won't leave me alone would you mind calling him and telling him you've got that slot filled?" Hmmm... I don't know I'm thinking a bit tacky.

 

I think I'd deal with it myself. If your partner questions whats going on you say, "A guy a dated won't leave me alone... I'm dealing with it."

 

Call Vinny and Joey @ 1-800-MOBSTER and have them talk with him. Take him for a little ride.

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ghost69 Mentor

ghost69

Posted
Posted

'this guy won't leave me alone.' DO NOT have your bf call him though. explain the situation in case it gets out of control. as for the guy, tell him he has to respect your moving on. if he gets upset or makes threats or something, tell him you will have to contact the authorities if he contacts you again.

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sbux_addict Enthusiast

sbux_addict

Posted
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Posted

Thanks everyone for your response.

 

Yes, my bf knows about the former fbuddy. In fact, I always tell him when fb texts me, because he had asked me to do so. Besides, I don't want to hide anything from my bf.

 

The first couple of weeks after I cut ties, fb would text stuff like, "I can't stop thinking about you.." "Do you want to meet up?" I ignored both, and then he did it again on Vday, so I told him that I couldn't do that anymore. Then he was like, "I figured, I was just a little tipsy." So done deal, I thought. Then he contacted me last Saturday night, asking if there's any chance I wanted to meet up. Ignored it. Then he texted me again yesterday and asked if I wanted to meet up. I seriously got scared, I thought, what if he shows up at my place? I mean, c'mon?!? I don't get why he doesn't get it.

 

I like the idea of telling him that I'm in a serious relationship and for him to respect that, but at the same time, I don't want to have to explain to him why I can't do it anymore. Don't know if I would be up for a restraining order, might be a little too much.

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jenny_mcs Collaborator

jenny_mcs

Posted
Posted
I only replied once and that was after the vday incident. All I said was, "I can't do that anymore."

 

He's contacted me a few times after that. I mean, I just don't understand why he wouldn't get that! It's not like we were in a relationship or anything.

 

Reply one last time and be very firm. Say something like "I told you I'm not interested anymore. I want you to stop contacting me."

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PsychGirly Enthusiast

PsychGirly

Posted
Posted

"I can't do that anymore" to him could mean "As much as I want to, I can't because I have a bf".

 

You need to put your foot down & say "I don't want to have anything to do with you. I'm in a relationship now. Please stop contacting me, or else I will have to get authorities involved."

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angellight Rookie

angellight

Posted
Posted
Reply one last time and be very firm. Say something like "I told you I'm not interested anymore. I want you to stop contacting me."

 

How about saying "can my bf come too"? If he texts you saying whats up say something like "nothing, just watching movies and hanging with my man, whats up with you"? You need to tell him WHY you are not interested anymore...

 

It doesn't sound like you've made it clear that you are involved with someone else...Unless I'm misunderstanding...

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PsychGirly Enthusiast

PsychGirly

Posted
Posted
Ok, how about this one:

 

"Like I said before, I'm not interested in meeting you up for s*x anymore. I hope you respect that. Thanks."

 

By saying "not interested in meeting you up for sex", you're leaving a lot of other possibilities open. You're basically telling him it's ok to contact you, & you may even consider hanging out with him, but NO SEX.

 

If you really do want this guy completely out of your life, you need to be more precise.

 

I would say, "Look, I've tried to tell you before, but apparently you don't get it. I'm in a relationship & I no longer want to have anything to do with you. Please stop contacting me."

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angellight Rookie

angellight

Posted
Posted
absolutely not, you do not have to tell this guy why. you owe him nothing. this was not a relationship, it was just sex.

 

Disagree ghost....He may have been a f-buddy to her but we don't know how he felt..It was what 7 months? He may have thought it was a relationship....sooooo in kindness she needs to tell him she is involved with a new man...

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ghost69 Mentor

ghost69

Posted
Posted
Disagree ghost....He may have been a f-buddy to her but we don't know how he felt..It was what 7 months? He may have thought it was a relationship....sooooo in kindness she needs to tell him she is involved with a new man...

 

that's his problem, not her's.

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angellight Rookie

angellight

Posted
Posted
that's his problem, not her's.

 

Soooooo. if you were sleeping with a girl for 7 months and she no longer wanted to be with you, you wouldn't, at least, want an explanation?

 

I don't know, seems to me I would feel better knowing that a guy met someone else rather than wonder why he didn't want to see me anymore.. like maybe I did something wrong...Especially if I thought we were more than f-buddies...

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