sandrawg Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 Ok, I need advice. I've been seeing this guy for almost a year now. We hooked up when my ex and I broke up the first time. He told me then, that he was separated from his wife, going through a divorce, and did not want a relationship. I said fine, I just broke up w/the guy I love and still love him, so I don't want one either. We hooked up for one night-it was great. Not long after that, my ex wanted me back. I then told the other guy I couldn't see him anymore. He expressed disappointment. While I was with my bf, I would see him out once a week at the bar where we met. He'd hang out with me and my friends but I pretty much kept my distance out of respect for my rel'ship. Eventually me and the bf broke up for good. Me and the other guy ended up sleeping together again. We've been hanging out at that same bar regularly, and sleeping together occasionally. We talk about doing other things-I play drums, he plays guitar. We want to play music together once I set my drum kit up. So, it's not like it's "just sex." I think he does care about me. I am definitely feeling myself becoming attached to him. BUT his divorce was just final end of last month. So, I doubt he is in a position to want a rel'ship yet. And who knows if he even considers me rel'ship material? I've read a lot about the cautionary tales of people in FWB connections who get attached. It is rare for them to lead to anything meaningful. I feel like I can't maintain the status quo for too much longer. at the same time, I don't want to pressure him too soon after the divorce. I think he still needs time. If and when I do decide to talk to him about my feelings, what do you all think is the best way to approach the subject? Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 Why not ask him how he feels now that he is divorced and if he is looking for another relationship. Tell him you are interested in him more than as a casual hookup and would like to know if he is interested in actually being in a relationship with you. I think the direct approach is best..this way if he says yes, great..if he says no, you can guide yourself accordingly without wasting any time on false hopes. Link to comment
GoneCrazy Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 Well sex can really connect people feeling wise, and since hes going threw a divorce and its most likely keep him down hes needing comfort so i would think and thats what your doing probably more then sex wise. I say take it day by day still hangout with him do more then just sleep around play the drums and have some fun. Most likely that over time he will get a real connection with you. Don't say you really love him and you care very VERY deeply for him. Just keep it as friendship, also im not saying you should stop love in the bed Link to comment
sandrawg Posted March 14, 2009 Author Share Posted March 14, 2009 Hee hee... Ok, both you guys gave good advice. Thanks! Yeah, I think playing music and all that--would probably bring us closer--whereas, I get the sense if I push things too soon, I'll just end up pushing him away. It's funny, because I have tended to be a jealous person in my last 2 relationships, but even tho I know this guy sleeps with other women, I don't feel jealous at all. I just feel comfortable with him and I don't feel like I need to control him or anything. It's a good feeling. No drama!!! Thanks for the advice!! Well sex can really connect people feeling wise, and since hes going threw a divorce and its most likely keep him down hes needing comfort so i would think and thats what your doing probably more then sex wise. I say take it day by day still hangout with him do more then just sleep around play the drums and have some fun. Most likely that over time he will get a real connection with you. Don't say you really love him and you care very VERY deeply for him. Just keep it as friendship, also im not saying you should stop love in the bed Link to comment
GoneCrazy Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 Hee hee... Ok, both you guys gave good advice. Thanks! Yeah, I think playing music and all that--would probably bring us closer--whereas, I get the sense if I push things too soon, I'll just end up pushing him away. It's funny, because I have tended to be a jealous person in my last 2 relationships, but even tho I know this guy sleeps with other women, I don't feel jealous at all. I just feel comfortable with him and I don't feel like I need to control him or anything. It's a good feeling. No drama!!! Thanks for the advice!! Glad i could help. I find that jealousy can REALLYYYY make things a nightmare so the fact that your not jealous and also DON'T FEEL LIKE YOU CONTROL HIM...hey all the power to you he might realize how much of a great person you are and fall for you. But for now don't get your hope up to high and KEEP IT A FRIENDSHIP. Avoid my mistake lol. Link to comment
sandrawg Posted March 15, 2009 Author Share Posted March 15, 2009 What was your mistake, HEMI Dude? Link to comment
GoneCrazy Posted March 15, 2009 Share Posted March 15, 2009 Well heres the story. I'm 20yrs old never had a girlfriend so i didn't know how i would act or what kinda of a person i would be if i fell in love for someone. Anyways a year or so back i was on the web just talking to random people having fun meeting new people no problem right. Anyways i started to talk to this one girl (she lives on the other side of the country). After awhile we cam friends then great friends. We talked cammed (nothing really sick) just to see each others face laugh have fun etc etc. Anyways she asked if we could make it "offical" i said yeah why not. However after awhile we called it off it was kinda pointless since we really couldn't be physical. We both agreed that if we found some that we liked who lived close by then would start dating them. Now fast forwards a few mons later i don't know why but i was SERIOUSLY falling for her she knew it and we still had fun and what not. Then about a month ago she had a school dance and for some reason i got EXREMELY jealous. The first guy below her off and so did the second guy (the second guy is a jerk). Now i feel bad cause shes seen my true colours and i didn't know i could acted like that. She felt bad for awhile cause everytime she would go out she would feel bad for meeting new people thinking it was gonna hurt me. After awhile i told her i was wrong shouldn't have acted the way i did, and that she should go out and have fun meet new people and not to worry about me. She told me its okay but now i fear she thinks far differently of me. She wanted me to come out and see her now i don't think so much. So thats my big mistake thats bin eating at me for the last while ](*,) Sorry its so long. Link to comment
sandrawg Posted March 15, 2009 Author Share Posted March 15, 2009 Oh, Hemi, sounds like you are beating yourself up over something that's not that bad. Jealousy is normal, and you're young, so you're just figuring out how to handle this kind of thing. You should cut yourself some slack. You learned a lesson from it, right? I'm sure she will understand where you're coming from and that you learned to handle your jealousy better in the future. Link to comment
GoneCrazy Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 Basically i think i am kicking myself to hard and it is a lesson and now i know better. Part of me feels good that i found out about this with someone over the web, that way she cant spread things like this around to my friends and other people around would know what kind of a person i might be. Never the less i still feel like a dope....and now i'm hoping we can get that great friendship back. Cause only time will tell. ](*,) Link to comment
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