understanding men!

[tulipsfav]

Why do men find it so hard to be honest, and talk about their feelings.

 

Any ideas?????

[Moz]

In past culture, like medeival times and such, men were warriors, or providers, or leaders. They stood strong and stable, fighting, providing, or leading consistently. They couldn't show their emotions because that would reveal that they're only human and take out the foundation of the culture. If a knight could hurt and be sad, then it wasn't a child's dream and faith in the protection would lessen, the same with leaders, who would be overthrown if they showed weakness like emotion. Being stable and unmoving was a paranount importance to a man. This has of course continued simply through tradition. Men are stable and provide a grounding. Emotions are unstable and change. A man with open emotions cannot be that stable pillar of strength that tradition dictates he should be. So men have to conceal their emotions, to keep up the appearance of strength even if they hurt and ache inside. Through the generations this has just expanded further than needed so that men can deny their emotions entirely, even though in the current age it's not so needed for men to be the stable foundation they once were. Equality has altered the man's position, and it's only a matter of time before tradition catches up.

[free2Bme]

I think you mean:

 

'Why does this ONE particular man I know find it hard to be honest and talk about his feelings'

[JeckyllNHyde]

Why do men find it so hard to be honest, and talk about their feelings.

 

Any ideas?????

 

Not all men do. And sometimes even I find it hard to talk about my feelings.

I think with some guys, after dating a while it gets easier. Some just refuse to change and want to bottle it all up.

I believe if a guy really wants things to work though he'll do his best to open up even a little.

 

Editted: agree 100% with free2bme..

[lostandhurt]

As a man of some years......

We are raised to be tuff and hard and not show emotion. Whether intended or not that is often the case in the past. Showing emotion can be seen as a sign of weakness which not to many men are comfortable doing, unless they have been drinking and then then the "I love you buddy" stuff starts. LOL

To be more open, caring and able to show emotion is a learned thing for the most part (at least with me) as we (men) do not want to be vulnerable to anyone.

 

As for honesty. I am honest to a fault and have no place in my life for lying. Men often can't be honest with themselves and therefore can't be honest with you. The male ego and pride have some affect on this as well. Controlling our pride and ego goes along way to better relationships accross the board.

If he is having trouble just help him bring it to the surface, I am sure it is there waiting......

 

lost

[1MoreChance]

I think you mean:

 

'Why does this ONE particular man I know find it hard to be honest and talk about his feelings'

 

I agree to an extent. maybe in general it is a little more difficult for *some* men because of culture and upbringing.

 

and the other thig I want to add, it's funny how this so-called stability that has been asked or men and supposedly shown how they are strong providers and stable "pillars" and what not, and that is shown by them through a lack of expressing emotions, is actually a cause of spousal abuse and murder. experts say that this inability to ackowledge and express emotions and to be vulnerable (in actuality, to be simply human), is directly linked to violence and murder of thier spouce / partner and even children.

[tulipsfav]

Thankyou for your advice, honesty is def the best policy, think if my ex could be upfront and honest i may be able to move on. Dont think he could hurt me anymore than he already has.

Cheers

[tulipsfav]

Over the years from experince and friends relationship, not too many men open up and talk about their feelings or being honest. As a results there have been marriage break ups and devastation brought to friends and family.

[penelope13]

Over the years from experince and friends relationship, not too many men open up and talk about their feelings or being honest. As a results there have been marriage break ups and devastation brought to friends and family.

 

Of course communication is key for a successful relationship. But I think it is oversimplifying matters by just assuming that all these relationships have failed because the men didn't open up enough about their feelings.

 

There are equally many people who talk about their feelings all the time and still are incapable of handling them any better.

 

There are always 2 people in a relationship who have to work together to make it work

[stickman]

I think you mean:

 

'Why does this ONE particular man I know find it hard to be honest and talk about his feelings'

 

Perfect spot on comment Free2Bme!

 

If men DO talk about their feelings, they are called "Selfish". Or, "All you want to do is talk about how you feel and how things impact your life."

 

Perhaps the woman needs to provide the environment for her man to feel comfortable enough to share. Some men are just paranoid that they will look vulnerable when what attracted you or what they think attracted you was how strong and confident they were/are. Then again, some men just are not auditory communicators.

 

(My ex girlfriend communicated for a living and was the most well written and well spoken woman I have ever known. A brilliant marketing executive. Yet, she found it very very difficult to communicate her feelings to me or anyone. Maybe it was her job, her past where her feelings were not validated or respected. In the end, I was always guessing about how she felt and always walking on eggshells for fear of saying or doing the wrong thing.)