Affair? WALK AWAY!

[IMAbadman]

This was my first post on ENA. Boy oh boy have I learned a lot since then.

 

Your hurt is 100% your fault, you realize that, and that's good. You laid on the train tracks yourself, HOWEVER; the affair took 2 people. You, we, had the ability to make a choice. We made the wrong choice. This married person isn’t some angel, well maybe hell’s angel. Point is, you weren't alone in all this.

 

I'll bet I get 1-3 emails from men and women monthly just like you asking the same questions. Dude... it blows. Affairs blow. I know. It didn’t take me long to become self-aware of my position and how I was being scammed. People just don't realize what it is that they're in, it’s an affair. There isn’t love. There isn’t a relationship. They can't figure out how this person has led them on for 1, 2, 3+ years, and yes I had another say 8 years. They loved there married partner so much… blah… blah… blah…

 

What you had with him/her was nothing more than sex. Him/Her wanted excitement and you were the chosen one. Were there others? Do you really know? What went wrong was you fell in love with a person that was emotionally and physically, well almost, unavailable. I know, I fell in love too. Think about it... was that really love? Dude… you can miss the sex but how can you miss the relationship (love)??

 

Drop that crotch sore like a crack habit. Just smile and wave. If he/she calls, just give a little prudish giggle and hang up. Leave him/her thinking, make him/her irrational, let him/her do irrational things to get your attention. He/She will hang themself in the end given enough rope.

 

Karma is coming. He’s driving a BIG F-ing 18-wheeler and the married user is standing in the road.

 

The only thing I can add is to find yourself real love. Go find yourself someone who actually returns the love you give. You'll find it much more rewarding than the "excuse" of the week. Trust me. You don’t even realize what you’ve missed out on all those years.

[jahur]

thanks imabadman, she has been e-mailing me all day protesting her innocence, saying that he only stays over to babysit(for his own kids!!!huh)

never saw looking after your own kids was baby sitting!!! still, it was so she could go to work early in the morning, thats 9am early. so why couldnt he go round to hers, at say 8.30. this is just one of the excuses, she claims its so she can see the kids happy.

 

i may be missing something, but when i was in the middle of divorcing there was structured custody of our boys! so you can see how im flummoxed.

 

i hate these situ's. good for you posting!!!! ](*,)](*,)](*,)

[Tony in Phoenix]

wow, spot on. Unfortunately its too late for me. I never got the heart to walk away and now you could say its broken.

 

I'm with you Trip, same scenario here though I am getting better now. It's tough but you will make it, this thread has really helped a lot.

[Trip McNealy]

I'm with you Trip, same scenario here though I am getting better now. It's tough but you will make it, this thread has really helped a lot.

 

 

Im about 9 months removed from the disaster I got myself into...as she just had her kid.

 

I've moved on, have been with other girls....looking forward to the summer. It gets better.

 

 

 

But damn I wish I had read this thread a year ago.

[thinker13]

I ended a 3 month old affair 3 days ago and have been struggling to deal with the pain since then, which is how I happened to come accross this thread. I don't wish anyone else any pain, but when it's you, one of the worst feelings is thinking you're the only one to go through this, and it's comforting to know I'm not. Nothing sucks more than thinking you were rejected for a supposedly depressed, unstable, fat, miserable nag. But I suppose it's not really about the husband/wife, more about the cheater's own selfishness and cowardice. Anyways, thanks for posting, it did me a world of good to read other peoples' experiences, and I'm praying every day I have the courage to continue to get on with my life without him.

[createhappiness]

is it not also about not getting involved with a married man in the first place?

 

i've never cheated but it seems to me that there is a big ego boost for the OW/OM that a cheating wife/husband would risk so much to be with them. it almost glorifies the lust/love of the situation when really all it is is selfishness and lack of dignity from both parties.

[Tony in Phoenix]

I'm bumping this thread once again. For those who have been through this situation, I highly recommend you print this and read it every day. You will soon realize the pain associated with a situation like this will go away in very short order. I'm truly thankful to the poster and this post in particular. Without it, I don't know where I'd be right now.

 

Cheers everyone!

[OLinSA]

I hate to admit this but I was the cheater in the relationship. Although I was married to a wonderful woman, I fell for the lure and excitement of an affair. Of course I tried to justify it by claiming that there was something missing in my marriage. The affair was mostly emotional but we did meet about once a year when we got physical. For 10 years we carried on this relationship. The woman I was having an affair with was divorced. She was a wonderful and sweet person and she believed that we would have a future together. I wanted that as well, or so I thought, but I juct couldn't bring myself to leave my wife. She didn't do anything to deserve that kind of pain. I feel like a heel, stringing this wonderful lady along, knowing deep in my heart that nothing would come of it. During those years, I would have moments of remorse and guilt when I would end our relationship only to call back a week later begging for forgiveness. She always took me back. Except for the last time. I didn't call back for 7 months but when I did, she had moved on. I was hurt and the pain of losing kept me up at night. I deserved it and now I've resigned myself to forget about her, and to pour all of my emotional energy and attention to my wife who, fortunately for me, never got wind of the affair. I am lucky to have her.

 

So, to echo what's been said before, DON'T DO IT! Forget about other women or men if you are married. If your marriage isn't working for you, leave first, THEN go and find your "soulmate". Save everybody the uneccessary heartache.

[Puckdog27]

and i am alone wondering what the F**K happened to justice.

 

this man pursued my wife for possibly years, definitely months....and has paid no price...and what is worse...she seems to be getting off scott free from the affair as well...

 

anywho...i'm moving on, but damn what i wouldn't give for a lil justice...

 

Justice will come my friend, justice will come. If she can do it to you, she will do it to him. Sooner or later the excitement will be gone because now its no longer exciting, and for the same reasons she felt it OK to cheat on you, she will feel it OK to cheat on him

[WalkingAway]

I am married for almost 6years. I used to be a devoted wife to my husband, adore and love him so much. But i always feel that i was taking for granted, even he love me too and put so much attention to me somehow it's quite tiring when he also lie to you and make so much disappointment (he's a gambling addict) to the point that he take money from my purse without asking permission and tell me that because he's my husband this and that so it should be alright it happened a lot of times, lie to me where he bring his $. I didn't questioned his love to me at all. But there are things that become missing when he keep doing the same thing, "trust". Last year same month July 2016, he did something to me again. He lied and took $ without telling me, i was so devastated with that kind of situation. I get tired. I look for someone i can talk to.. i tried to look for something to divert my attention. To cut the story i met a man via chat. At first no intention to meet him in person because I don't want to be involved with any affair while I'm with my husband. He also a married guy and we have 24years age gap (at first I mind about it). But when he insisted to meet and nothing will harm me, i decided to meet him. Now we are continuously meeting each other for almost 1 year. I tried to walk away many times but it's just that too difficult to do that. I managed to run for 3weeks then he got my number and look for me. Then i tried again, but then i always miss him. I always have the battle in my mind that this is not gonna work and how long should I stay. I know the fact the he can't leave his family and I don't want it to happen as well but i also don't want to lose him. It feels like that I already used to it having him around with me. I can see and feel that if I'm around he also happy. I don't know until when i will lose my life while I'm with him and throwing what we have with my husband. This forum helped me find myself but at the other corner also make me lost. I dunno if I should just continue a friendship with him or not. I love him but i know it won't work.

[AtitAgain]

The only time it would make sense to have an affair with a married person (if you are single), is if you meet the following conditions:

 

1) You don't care about their family or the person involved

2) You just want sex, not a relationship

 

If you meet these criteria, then you are pretty much good to go - Just make sure you don't get shot by the husband/wife that is being cheated on.

 

To actually enter into an affair expecting the husband/wife to leave their spouse/kids/life for you in most cases is gullible at best, and self-destructive at worst.