Spending time Together

[everclear]

We've been dating a few months now, but we just never seem to get any time alone. I'm not just talking about sex, just alone time where its just the two of us. We go out and see each other usually about once a week, however its nearly always with friends so we don't really get a chance to connect like a couple should be doing.

 

I've lost count the number of times I've suggested we do something together or suggested that she comes over to mine.. She always seems reluctant. Like she always has something on or changes the subject / has a problem. Its not ideal, she lives with her parents, I share a house with two guys, so its pretty rare we will get anywhere all to ourselves.

 

I just really worried about us fizzling out, although I don't think its there yet. I feels like it could easily go this way, if we don't do something now. I know we are both attracted to each other, and want the same thing out of this, she tells me she loves me, and I love her so I want to do everything i can to make this work.

 

There are a couple of issues that I know haven't helped and seem to get in the way.

 

1. She can't/won't let go of her past, work and money problems are also adding to her worries. To be honest I think she is depressed.

2. Far to much of our relationship is done through text. She is a big texter, I'm just as guilty - I've fallen into the text trap because its easy and it seems the only way we can have conversations - as we are rarely alone.

3. I'm too easy going/willing to get on with my own thing, I never push that I want to see her. I tell her I miss her (and she does the same) - but when shes not really doing much I suggest she comes over but if she doesn't reciprocate I don't push it any further.

 

Some days I feel like I'm the only one trying to move this relationship.. Where at the beginning she was doing just as much of the chasing. She would be the one to always initiate any contact, now its the other way round usually.

 

I'm just stuck at how to approach this, she has commented on how she hopes the lack of seeing each other doesn't ruin the relationship. I was thinking the same thing, even before she mentioned anything so I know we both have the same concern.

 

Friends have suggested that I'm making myself too available to her and way to much of the relationship is done by text. They tell me you cannot carry on like this, as everything is on her terms. I know they are right, however what is the best way to bring this with her. I have brought up how I would like to see her more, she gets all defensive and goes if I could i would see you every day - but I'm just so tired after work (she works long shifts so this is understandable).

 

Do I bring up the were do you think this is going question? What is the best way to bring up my concerns? Or does anyone have a suggestions on what else I / we could be doing?

[RoxyGril]

The both of you should be able to talk to each other. You should be able to express your feelings to her. Even if you are available at the time being make it seem to her like your busy and have things to do. Let her come around and have her want to see you. Do the both of you talk on the phone togehter at all? or is it through text all the time? If the both of you have only been dating a few months now she shouldn't be getting defensive when you bring up certain situations.

 

When I 1st met my bf we hung out a lot with friends and then he asked me out. After we started dating he lived about 30 mins away from me and I work 20 mins from where I lived. I as tired as I was getting off work I would drive home change and drive to go see him. As time went on that change and he did moved closer which worked out better. But, she should be able to do her part and want to see you even if she maybe tired.

 

Do the both of you live close to each other at all? There could be days were you don't see each other b/c either one of you might need some time to yourself. But, manage to work out days to where you spend time with each other. You shouldn't have to spend together by hanging out with friends. She should understand that as well. It's a part the relationship and the both of you should want to spend some alone time together.

 

But, talk to her about it and express what you feel and your thoughts on your relationship. It won't hurt and she should be understanding of it if she wants to continue this relationship with you.