I need some insightful people for this one! READ IT PLEASEE

[greeneyes8684]

Hi everyone! This is my first post ever on here and I'm really looking forward to hearing advice from everyone who has been through the same thing I have (even and even those of you that haven't ) So here's my (very long) story...

 

6 months ago, my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me. We are both 19 and had been going out since our sophormore year of high school. We both attended community college together and our relationship was generally great...we both loved each other very much. However, we spent ENTIRELY too much time with each other. So much in fact that we ended up missing out on a lot of things. So when we broke up, even though we both loved each other, he had to because he felt like he needed to go out and do things on his own so that he could figure out who he really was without me.

 

Needless to say, I was devestated. We had always talked about getting married one day and I truly felt like he was the one for me. So, I decided that I would try to stand by him through all of his growing. We even made plans to get back together someday (all though for obvious reasons, neither of us could really ever say when this was going to be). About 4 months after the break up, I told him that it was getting very difficult for me to wait for him and that it was breaking my heart so I felt like I needed to just stop looking forward to getting back together right now and move on to date other ppl. (Oh yeah, I should say that before this we had had several hundred talks about how he loved each other still).

 

After we decided not to try anymore, he immediately started to see another girl. She is 17 and should be a senior in high school (although she graduated early) and he is a sophormore in college mind you. I am also seeing someone, although it has not been very serious...I'm just testing the waters. I told him that it was very hard for me to try being his friend because I still loved him. ALSO, I can't stress this enough, whenever I talk to him he's insanely mean to me! I have been nothing but understanding through all of this and I've wished him well and told him that he meant everything to me and I hope that he is happy in his life. But in return he has never said any of this to me, and even when I asked for closure he told me "you can't always get what you want in the end!" I just thought that was the oddest comment coming from someone who made the decision not to be with me and who shouldn't want me to be unhappy since I haven't done anything to him....goodness. I did try to talk to him again and see if he wanted to be friends about a month ago and he told me that "due to our situations" he thinks it would be better if we didn't talk.

 

Fast forward one month and here's the current situation. He is as immature as ever. Now, I don't mean for that to sound so mean, because I don't mean it in a bitchy way, what I mean is that his way of dealing with things (example...we still dont have closure and he has never ever told me how he feels about me, like whether he stil loves me or whether hes sorry we broke up but we need to move on). Also, he takes on the personality of whoever he is with in a relationship. He is still with his current girl and he has begun doing the same things and listening to the same music as she does. Also, his instant messenger profile is entirely dedicated to romantic song lyrics and things professing his love to her! They are saying I love you so soon....weird. And this is the worse thing....his buddy icon is a picture of them kissing. Now I'm not sure about you guys, but I would have done that stuff in like 8th grade, not as a sophomore in college!! The two of them (and his girfriends sister for some reason!) also routinely read my profile (I can tell when they read it because they usually have me blocked for some reason). His girlfriend even purposely unblocked me one day and put a link of pictures of them together on her profile so that I would see them. I was soooo hurt that he would knowingly let her do that. But I decided against playing middle school games and decided it would be best just to block her and not deal with it- I've never even talked to her or anything, I dont know why she feels threatened by me.

 

So the other day he unblocked me and we started talking and the convresation was going really well and had nothing to do with our relationship or anything. We even talked on the phone for a little while (hes the one who suggested we did). Then he left me unblocked for about a day and then blocked me again and has had me blocked ever since. I saw him the other day because he came to bring me back some of my stuff and he practially ran away from me when I asked him why he had blocked me again because I thought we were doing pretty good as friends. And that is where I stand with him right now....

 

My questions for you guys are....

Do you think he really loves this girl and is it gonna last once they go to different colleges next year?

Is she the rebound? Have any of you guys ever seen anyone act so overly affectionate and last or is this something else?

What do you think his feelings are about me and how do I let him know that I would atleast like to be friends/how do I go about being friends?

Is it his immaturity?

Do you think theres a chance we'll ever get back toghether? I love him sooooo much.

 

ANY comments whatsoever would be REALLY appreciated. I know that was a long one but its been a long, strange journey so far. Thanks so much.

 

[neallo82288]

Alll I can tell you is that you need to move on and let him live his life. He has chosen to go on in life without you. Tell, you what you need to do, Go with a strict no contact and just heal yourself. You still want him as part of your life, but right now the hurt and pain you feel are getting in the way. Plus, he has made a point that he does not want you as part of his life. Take some time and leave him alone and heal yyourself. Here is how the no contact thing works.

 

You do not contact him for no reason. There is to be no contact in any way shape or form. No Texts, Ims, phone calls, "accidental" bump intos, or etc. You then take this time and work on some things. Make a lisst of the things you think you did wrong and the things you did right. Now, take the wrong things and work on them so you will not make the same mistakes twice. Work on being a stronger person. Mkae sure you read about things of interest and things that may be interesting. Just learn to do things that you will find fun. I recommend finding a new set of friends and hanging out with them. Get yourself out of the house and stop dwelling on him. Go to a comedy club and laugh. Have fun. Work on making yourself a better person and see that there is a life out there without him. Work out and things like that. Do anything you can to keep your mind off of him. Just do not call him. Make sure you use this no contact period as a time to work on yourself and make yourself happy. Truthfully he is gone and probably will not return. Just go on with your life and heal.

 

Neallo

 

P.S. If you need to talk to someone or need to vent pm me and I will help. Plus, if you need some more infor on the no contact then pm me

[Stingseed]

Hi Neallo

 

what you said about the no-contact rule applies to me?

 

My girlfrined of year and half cheated on me which she confessed. to me and thereforeeee she said needed some time alone that this third person was involved, and that she was confused. I said ok, and then I started doing all the wrong moves chasing her trying to get her back and of sort which I should have started the no-contact rule then but did not.. Let me mention that she did not stop calling me nor when I repeatedly asked if she still loves me and wants me she always responeded yes. about 2 weeks after the confession i tried the no-contact rule but gave in 3 days later due to the fact she kept calling me at that point I asked why are you confusing yourself? she replied i just need to see other people. I was hurt bad. So we kept in contact calling each other everyday for 3 more weeks which again I feel was wrong but did it anyways cause she kept calling me even if i did not call her. In all the time she still kept seeing this guy for all 5 weeks. but she mentions she is not in love just like seeing him and might daye one more person. I let it be I not one to angry for her telling me, and also losing my cool would just push her away. I know she still loves me just not the same she once did she has expressed that to me, the only thing is that when i mention to see her at work she tell me not to, so she can miss me more which is weird for a girl to admit that, but i give in and 3 times have gone to see her in those five weeks. I once pushed after week 3 of break up that we should get back together and try to work it out she said yes but then 2 days later changed her mind which again hurt and her reason being again was that she still wanted to see other people. But she still calls me and talks to me like we always did until I would mess it up by asking stupid questions like does she miss me, does she want me, and of course does she still love me which she always replied yes. Now i am in my third day again of no-contact rule but this time alittle stronger just don't think strong enough. It seems that the more i asked stupid questions and kept in contact with her the more she is pulling away.(what to do? ).

 

This girl cheated on me and meet the guy 3 or 4 months ago but the first time they had sex she felt so bad that it happened and hated herself for it she told she had to call it quits with me. which then she said to herself she does not love me as much therfore calling us quits. no why she keeps calling me, talking to me telling me she does not love this guy nor is really in to him or him to her, and telling me she that she needd time to think cause she is confused? One last final thing. To this day she still does things like this. Calls me to ask me If i am watching the grammys and to turn the cahnnel to watch the grammy while on the phone. another thing si that I might be leaving to texas from Miami or 3 months for work related reasons. and she starts to tear up.

 

so again I ask neallo does your advise on the no-contact rule and how it works applies to me?

[Stingseed]

Greeneyes Hello

 

If you read my post then you must know we are in both pain. But I tell you one thing about me and my girl if she ever said once that she was in love with someone else or told me that she is not in love me anymore. i would have stoped contact from the beginning for sure. So in your case that guys is acting inmature and is blocking you from his life and loving some else then yes Neallo is right. Move on, and do all he said. I on the other hand still has some who loves me but is just so damn confused.