A question for all the men?

[lebkaren]

Can a man sleep with his exgirlfriend while he is thinking about another woman? Does a physical relationship makes a relationship stronger for the man? Well here's my story. My exboyfriend had a one night thing with a woman and she got pregnant. He wanted to deny the unborn baby. Then he met me after the problem has happened and after he made her pregnant. Not knowing of the problem, we went out for couple of months (we fell inlove...I never slept with him though because it is against my culture). I advised him to go back to take care of his baby. He is married to the other woman now. I still call him, eventhough it has been 9 months since I've seen him. From his voice and words, I know he still have feelings for me. You think he still loves me eventhough he is sleeping with his wife?

[sckoobs]

That is a tough one. Not all men think the same or want the same things from a woman.

 

I think the chances are that he is trying to do the right thing by the other woman and he is regretting getting her pregnant because he *may* have wanted to be with you but from what you write I get the feeling that the other woman doesn't know about you and him, which is bad news.

 

I feel that physical contact, for me anyway, does help enforce and strengthen a relationship but that doesn't neccesarily mean sex. Physical contact can just mean holding hands, giving a massage or laying on each other while relaxing, watching the TV or whatever.

 

Personally, I think that if the guy is married you should give it up - if marriage to you means until death do us part (and from the sound of your culture, it does) you should know that nothing good could ever come from your interferring. Hate to coin the phrase but; there are plenty more stars in the sky.

[lebkaren]

Thanks for your reply, you seem a very logical person. I want to cause no harm, and I would be sad if he lefts his baby for me. Sometimes, like yesterday, I felt miserable and started crying until I sent him a message and he replied. I am only asking for his love. I moved back to my country, and I won't be seeing him for a long time (maybe forever). Can't I just ask from him to talk to me on the phone? Is this wrong in your opinion? I am getting married (arranged marriage) in the summer; maybe then I might forget him. What do you advise me?

[Derek]

give it up...

 

Though it may have been a romantic dream...

 

Whether he loves you or not doesn't matter once children and other people are involved.

 

Romantic ideals makes it seem like love conquers all, but in real life the relationship repercussions affect entire families, children, in-laws, careers, futures. Only in books does "happily ever after" have no consequences.

 

Remember the good times, have a good cry and swallow your feelings about him. Look forward to new good times... from your culture I assume you will need to commit to learning to love your arranged partner in whatever way you can. Be fair to your new partner and let go the past.