Questioning everything

[dlh]

I've been with my girlfriend for almost 3 years now; circumstances had me moving in with her about 6 months into the relationship. I just turned 23 and she is turning 24 shortly. We've had a really great relationship, but I've had the notion of breaking up with her in my head for a few months now, and I think I'm finally ready to do it.

 

I need major change in my life, and everything inside of me is telling me to do this. I just don't see myself with her any longer. She has no clue this is coming, and I feel horrible because it's going to crush her. Does anyone have any advice on how I can make this as soft as possible?

 

I've been trying to think the best way through this in regard to timing and moving all of my stuff. I think I'm going do it on monday (she has off of work tues, wed, thurs), move everything while she is at work that day, wait for her to come home, and then have "the talk" with her and leave. Any advice on this too?

 

And on top of all that, I've been question things: Am I going to let go such a comfortable relationship that I've had for so long? What if I'm wrong? How will she react?

 

I don't think my mind will be swayed, though.

[Casey13]

There is no easy way to break up with someone especially if they dont see it coming. To ease the situation which is going to be difficult for her anyway you can assure her that its not her its you and that there is no one else youre leaving her for but simply because you feel that you need to be single in your life right now to sort yourself out. Try to do it when she has a few days off coming up so that you dont mess her up with work and so she has at least a few days to take this all in and at least minimally recover

[WizardofOz]

Why don't you see yourself with her anymore? Is there something else in your life that you can change without having to the end this relationship? If I were you I would make sure that you really want to do this before going through with it. I've been through times in my life where I've really needed change and I eliminated the wrong people/things, which didn't help at all.

[jackk]

i feel like im in the same situation. that my break up im planning will blind side my GF. i would say unless your "talk" you plan to have with her once your stuff is out happens you better be 100% that that talk wont end in not breaking up.

[WomanWriter]

I don't understand this. Can you explain your thoughts a little more? I feel like my fiance of 7 years broke up with me for the same reasons: his life was a mess, he was scared of graduating with no job in sight, and his bro was having a kid. He was freaked out and wanted to go accross the country from his friends and family, quit his current part time job, etc.

 

To me, this seems like running away. Do you think you are just trying to get away from your responsibilities and painful feelings? Do you tend to procrastinate a lot and not face problems as they come up? My fiance did that by constantly playing videogames, cutting classes, not doing his work, etc. until he realized after 9 years in college still living with his parents that he needed to do something. So I think he got freaked out and ended our relationship.

 

Does that sound anything like you? I just question whether you can actually face the things you need to change head on or IF you are using your girlfriend as a scapegoat since she seems like the easiest thing to change in your life. The fact that you're condsidering leaving her, however, proves to me that you don't actually love her. So maybe you would be doing her a favor. Why not make a list of what you want changed so you can solve the problems in your life instead of abandoning your life all together?

[ratfreak]

I would drop a hint just to give her a bit of a warning.

Having just been dumped by a bf of 4 years, oddly, it does help.

For me at least it was better than a sudden break up.

[The_411]

dlh,

 

Be a man about it. Do not be sneaky, do not break-up via text e-mail etc.

 

You are 23 so yes looking around is natural.

 

If you handle the break-up with respect and treat her with respect that makes it much easier to resume down the road.