LAYAAN Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 alright, so I was talking to a man. We have been talking on n off. His mom said to me before "he is looking for a bright, ambitious woman." I didn't say anything. I just said "ok" In the flow of conversation, I happen to ask him "what are you looking for?" he answered "personality" I said "oh, okay, thats cool. Your mom said you are looking for a bright ambitious woman" He suddenly raised his voice "thats my mom. thats my mom. thats not me. what school, what degree, thats my mom. thats not me." I was stumped at this. What was that? frustration? anger? I just didn't know what to say. Why raise voice like this? I needed clarification so I asked. Whats there to get mad at me? I didn't craft these replies. Did I go wrong anywhere? Does he have anger issues? In our very 1st conversation- he basically asked me about my profession, what do I want to do, where can I find a job etc. I found it strange, but I still answered those Qs. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 In your first conversation he raised his voice and got defensive? Red flag to me. Maybe his mum inteferes all the time and it was a sore point. Link to comment
sosilver Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 Could be frustration at his mom that flowed on to you... Maybe thats what she wants for him, and he is probably tired of hearing it... I dont think it was something you did/asked wrong...but if you have another conversation with him and he reacts like this, thats a red flag. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted March 6, 2009 Author Share Posted March 6, 2009 no blueglow, he raised his voice in our 5-6th conversation, not in the 1st one. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 Oh I understand. Sorry I thought you were talking about your first conversation. Still its quite early on to be getting angry at you on the phone? Maybe he has issues with his mom? Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 why is his mom in your conversations? Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 Maybe he's furious at his mom for interfering! But frankly, i rarely raise my voice to anybody, let alone someone i'm talking to on the phone about such things... he might have trouble controlling his anger. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted March 6, 2009 Author Share Posted March 6, 2009 ghost, Indian arranged marriage system. But his mom talks too much. She calls me often. I don't know what to do. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 I don't understand what let to that conversation with his mom especially if this is the first time you talked, but I think he was more upset and embarrassed by his mom than with you Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 no idea how she got in the conversation, but i'd of been like, 'well, that's her opinion of what i want,' in a calm normal tone. weird for sure. still puzzled on the mom thing Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 It sounds to me like his mother may have overstepped her bounds in telling you what SHE thinks her son is looking for and that is probably not the first time his mother has stuck her nose in to his love life so I bet his anger was coming out because he is frustrated with his mom. This wasn't about you at all, this was about his annoyance with his mother. I see it more as a red flag about his mother than about him! Link to comment
Creative Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 lol, ask his mom about it next time you call. It's not like there's anything wrong with wanting an ambitious woman. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 ghost, Indian arranged marriage system. But his mom talks too much. She calls me often. I don't know what to do. oh, i didn't know. you are indian too tinu? Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 what if she said, 'my son wants a girl with a nice dunk.' ?? would you be put off? that's what i'm saying about this whole mom thing. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 I wouldn't be so quick to judge him on this one incident. Who knows what is going on with the dynamic between him and his mother that caused this reaction. I think most people over-react when they are fed up to their eyeballs about something. Link to comment
sosilver Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 Well the mom/family interfering is common with the whole arranged marriage thing...especially in the Indian culture Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 Well the mom/family interfering is common with the whole arranged marriage thing...especially in the Indian culture yep, from what i hear. i'd let this one roll off your back if you like him otherwise Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted March 6, 2009 Author Share Posted March 6, 2009 oh, i didn't know. you are indian too tinu? ghost, LOL, everyone on ENA knows that I'm an Indian. LOL Link to comment
sosilver Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 Since you had a cpl conversations with him already, maybe he felt a little comfortable letting his emotions show when it comes to things his mom says Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 ghost, LOL, everyone on ENA knows that I'm an Indian. LOL i don't really keep track of that tinu. i give my adivce based on fact. guess i should note this is an indian dating mom thing because i had no idea. *note taken* i just would be really weirded out if i was in contact with some girl and her mom got up in her biz. or if i called her house and her mom answered. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted March 6, 2009 Author Share Posted March 6, 2009 ya, may be. I think there is something going on in between mom n son. - She calls me to find out if he called me or not. - She says, "I like you." (I start sweating - Some of the moms I talked to liked me and they started pushing their sons and everything started to fall apart from that point on. I think this will be same story. I feel afraid when I'm talking to these kids' parents. - I don't think that the son has a good relationship with his mom. I think his mom is pushing him. When he initiates a phone call, he talks properly. When I call, he rarely answers. If he answers, he is mostly brief. He doesn't open up about much. I am really having a problem with him. Link to comment
sosilver Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 Maybe when he calls, its his moms idea. She might even be right next to him...I wouldnt find that surprising just from reading the info you've given. Do you get that feeling? Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted March 6, 2009 Author Share Posted March 6, 2009 You know what. I think he is not ready for marriage yet. On his facebook, he has his picture and you see some blonde girl's long hair falling on his shoulder. May be he was in love before and hasn't healed and his mom is pushing him? I don't know. I rarely call him. I am turned off by his constant attitude. I'm gonna confront him next time. Yes, I feel it too. They stay in 2 different states (4 hours air distance apart) from each other. Link to comment
sosilver Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 oh, then shes is probably not. Im a little too suspicious sometimes. Link to comment
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