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Maybe there's hope? Need advice on how to handle this.


lauramed

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Quick synopsis of my story. Ex broke up with me 8 months ago. Stayed in limited contact and would see each other casually about once a week. Three months ago he just disappeared out of my life. Called him twice but never answered or called back. I never tried to get in touch with him again and the only contact was running into him 6 weeks ago. Never gave up the hope that I would hear from him but had finally gotten to a point that I knew that I had to start letting go and moving on. Then out of the blue he called twice last week. Called again on Tuesday night, but I was out with friends and missed his call and returned the call to him yesterday. He never answered but did call back a few hours later. In fact he called I didn't answer....he called again and I was on the other line talking and then he texted me. Well we did eventually end up talking and he sounded very down and told me he was going to be in my neighborhood later in the night and wanted to stop by....told me he would call me and let me know. He didl call....twice and I never answered. I'm feeling guilty about that now, but I panicked. I don't want to go back to just being friends with him and need help in how to handle this situation. He obviously hasn't moved on in his life and is still holding onto me in some way. I feel more positive about there being a chance of getting back together than I have in a long time, but I don't want to blow this by handling it the wrong way. My head is such a mess today about this situation...you would think that a grown woman who has already gone through a divorce would be able to get a grip on this....but I can't get my head around this as to where to go from here.

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I'm in a similar boat, I've been apart with my ex for 8 mos, and have recently had contact with them (She contacted me) I think that after a certain amount of time passes, people drop back in our lives to fill a void in theirs. Maybe your ex does want something more, I'd question his intentions before letting him drop by. You shoudn't feel bad about not answering his calls, if he really wants reconciliation he'll let it be known. How did YOU feel the three months you weren't really speaking?

Whenever my ex contacts me, especially after a period of no contact, I look so hard into the meaning of their contact. I have a serious problem over thinking things. I understand why you're afraid of handling this wrong, but I think you should just be straight with him. If he's just looking for an ego boost by contacting you and wants to be friends then ask him not to drop by and continue going out with friends and enjoying yourself. If he's serious about having you back in his life then just go with it, take it slow and be sure to communicate everything with each other. I Hope it all works out for you!

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Well, it seems like he is trying to reach out maybe, but be very careful. As much wiser people on here will probably tell you, if he is feeling down he may be coming back to familiar territory for a pick me up or something. Not meaning sexual or anything really, but just don't let him use you for emotional support as it will make you feel worse.

 

He may well indeed be looking to get back together, but unless you ask him or he specifically says so, don't see it as he is.

 

Did he get into another relationship after you at all?

 

Geneticfreak

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I don't know if he was in another relationship after we broke up. I assume that he had to have seen someone in the time that we were apart, but it's something that I've never asked nor do I have a need to know. Probably weird of me for thinking this, but part of me hopes that he did see other people so he can realize just what a prize he walked away from.

 

I know that I have to ask him just why he's back after 3 months of silence but don't want to scare him away but pushing things too fast. At the same time I don't want to end up in that "friendzone" again because at the end of that I was more devestated than the original break up.

 

I know that I have to call him back today just have to think through what I'm going to say to him. I know that through NC over the past 3 months I've become a much stronger person than I was before and I'm not going back to that kind of hurt again.

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I don't know if he was in another relationship after we broke up. I assume that he had to have seen someone in the time that we were apart, but it's something that I've never asked nor do I have a need to know. Probably weird of me for thinking this, but part of me hopes that he did see other people so he can realize just what a prize he walked away from.

 

Thats a fair point and completely understand that.

 

I know that I have to ask him just why he's back after 3 months of silence but don't want to scare him away but pushing things too fast. At the same time I don't want to end up in that "friendzone" again because at the end of that I was more devestated than the original break up.

 

Again, completely understand. That's a bit of a tough situation. See, in a way by straight out asking him garuntees no "friendzone" really and would then also give you a straight answer in regards to his intentions. Personally, thats what I would do.

 

I know that I have to call him back today just have to think through what I'm going to say to him. I know that through NC over the past 3 months I've become a much stronger person than I was before and I'm not going back to that kind of hurt again.

 

That's good. Don't let him get a hold of you again! Take your time and if he does want you back, then take that even slower if you even want that to happen. Good luck!

 

Geneticfreak

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I do want to eventually work things out between us....slowly. After everything...the pain, crying, thinking that I would never feel alright again, I guess I want him to have to work a bit at getting me back and not have him thinking that I'm sitting and just waiting for the phone to ring. I want to have him guessing as to what's going on in my life. I did tell him that I missed his call on Tuesday because I was out. He sounded a little surprised and asked if I had fun. So I know that he has to be thinking about who I was out with and I'm glad about that. Sounds a bit vindictive I know...but he needs to realize that my life is moving on and that I haven't just stood still.

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To be honest, telling him the truth isn't vindictive. If you are making stuff up to make him feel jealous, then thats pretty bad and will not help in the long run really but you haven't done that so. A little mystery works wonders!

 

Too right you should want him to work for it. You don't want empty promises as they are just words. You need to see his actions and the way he is around you not just on the phone. Maybe meet up with him? Not at home though, somewhere neutral. Go out for a coffee or lunch or something, nothing to formal. As long as you feel that it isn't going to hurt you seeing him. That may seem to go back on my original advice of asking him straight, but you can guage a lot more in person, you know this guy more than any of us at the end of the day.

 

Geneticfreak

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Seeing him again won't hurt me...we live in the same time and are going to end up running into each other eventually. Accidentally ran into him 6 weeks ago and was surprised at how he reacted. Had to have my car towed to the station that he works. A male friend of mine drove me to pick the car up and he went out of his way to make sure that he was in a place that I'd have to stop and talk to him...

 

I actually would rather talk to him face to face rather than on the phone about this and not at home because I know where that will end up and I'm not going to be a booty call for this guy. I need to know that he wants a relationship with me again and wants to be in my life. As I said before I am never going back into that dark hole that I fell into over the past 3 months because I've come a long way since then. I know that I want him back more than I've ever wanted anything but I've also come to realize that I don't need him to make me happy with my life.

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