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Mixed messages, I think! Help!


56mercgal

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I have been dating a very nice,funny, intelligent but sometimes oblivious man I met on a dating site early this January. We pretty much hit it off right away. We first met over coffee, and spent over two hours talking like old friends. He acted a bit nerovus, like a kid in High School but he was very charming! When it was time to say goodbye, we kinda looked at each other waiting for the next move by one of us and I gave give him a quick hug and he said,"Oh, Ok, I'll go for that! " He had beeen married once before and it lasted 15 years. He's been divorced for 5 yrs. He's 51, I'm 42. Anyway I didn't want to go any further physically and take things slow. I found my feelings have grown alot for him, and he really likes and cares for me, just by his actions and the way he talks to me. We had a couple of tifs and I would e-mail him and tell him he'd be better off without me, but we would get back to talking a few days later,apologize and he wants to help me in any way he can with my worries and quirks ( I can nag too much, but working on it!!). We communicate great and he's very romantic. We kissed alot over the last month and became intimate when we would say goodbye, it would take two hours if you know what I mean! LOL! There was a time where I tried to "go Somewhere" and I felt like he slightly pushed my arm away, so I thought "OK, maybe he's not ready for that move yet". So I backed off of there. The last two Saturdays where I would spend late nights at his house, I would get half undressed by him but he would stay fully clothed and he'd be intimate with me for a long time. We walked by his bedroom and he said "when I give you your massage next Saturday, we'll put a blanket down on the bed...." Cool! I was looking reallly forward to finally being close that way with him. Then last night, that time after dinner came. But instead,after asking me if I was ready, he had me wait in the TV room, on the couch and brought out a blanket. I thought,"great"OK the couch I guess will work. He left the tv on the whole time during the massage,when I would have rather had it off. He would watch the movie for a few seconds at a time, but most of his attention was on me, so that was fine. But, I'm practically wearing nothing and he's totally clothed. Then this political program came on he likes watching and that's when more of his attention went to it and he'd ask me a few questions about some of the comments being made by the hosts of this show and I'm almost asleep lying accross his lap. I started to feel "neglected" in a way. I finally told him to please turn the set off and we had a great ending, but I still feel it's kinda weird for someone to not pay full attention to you, especially when you two are suppost to be just focusing on one another, or am I wrong here? Please ,any help! Thanks!

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It doesn't make sense with what I know about men and naked women. However, there could be more to this story....maybe his age affects his "performance" and he's embarrassed? The best thing to do is talk to him about it and see if he's really ready to give you the kind of attention you're ready for.

Best wishes!!

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Maybe so the bedspread doesn't get oily??? Still not sure what caused his divorce either. He used to drink alot til about ten years ago, an aquaintence tof his who's a close friend of mine told me that a couple of weeks ago. But that's another subject. Yeah,never had an intimate night like that where the guy didn't take me into the bedroom and have Ron Paul on! LOL!

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At the beginning, you said you wanted to take things slow. What kind of time has passed since then? Maybe he also wants to take it slow, but his "slow" is slower than yours. I would at least try to talk to the guy about it, maybe he has some intimacy issues from his divorce. Nice car, btw

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At the beginning, you said you wanted to take things slow. What kind of time has passed since then? Maybe he also wants to take it slow, but his "slow" is slower than yours. I would at least try to talk to the guy about it, maybe he has some intimacy issues from his divorce. Nice car, btw

 

I agree with big greg. Your slow seems to be faster than his idea of slow.

 

I also want to know who is initiating most of the moves. It it an equal initiation, you initiating the moves mostly or has he been initiating the moves? He probably has an insecurity in that department as well.

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HI Greg, It's been since Jan 4 this year that we met. The first two times we went out, we went to the movies and dinner. He never held my hand til the third time. It was actually a bit refreshing in a way. Most guys I have dated, fist date would hold my hand or put there arm around me or at least by the second date that would happen, so got used to that. Then a kiss at the end of the night. I have always (most of the time) let the guy make the first moves. I don't like to appear * * * * ty or too forward and want one thing. I guess we are still learning about each other, it was his idea however, to do this full body massage. I asked him last night if I could do his massage sometime and he said yes. The TV thing gets methough! He would ask me "how does that feel?) when he would carress me and I said that feels good, but he said I didn't sound too convincing, so I pretended to emphasize it when I repeated it. BTW, It's a 56' MErcury Custom station wagon with the original 312 V8 Y-Block!

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Thank you for answering my question. I think it's better for you to talk about this instead of wondering what is wrong. Especially if you two are committed in making the relationship work. There might be something that may be causing him to give mixed messages to you.

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This will be a fun one! I'm not sure how to ask him in a way that doesn't come accross like I'm nit picking him. It is weird. Never in my life have I been "Stripped" and the guy I 'm with isn't either! Then keeps the tv on. And when he asked me how I liked the way he was touching me during that political program he was SO interested in, I said "That felt good" but not very enthusiastically. HE noticed that and said "that didn't sound very convincing". Well DUH! You would think he would've turned the tv off, HE does NOT pick up on hints,AT all! Maybe I should be more straightforward. I just don't want to come accross too strong and demanding.

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No offence, but he sounds a tad creepy...

 

And if he's wanting to take things slow...I doubt he'd be stripping you off naked and giving you massages. He wouldn't want to see you naked yet, if he were taking things slow.

 

I reckon he has some kind of problem....maybe impotent or something ??

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