BackStabbing?

[venitianblinds]

I broke up with this girl five years ago. The break up was ugly. One of my close friends used her to cheat on his gf with her. She was supposedly (from what I was being told)telling people that I abused her, That I was stalking her. This close friend of mine was pushing the stalking issue on me a lot. (Read on this gets interesting)

 

I never did any of that. We went to a small high school in a small community. I never abused her. I never stalked her. These rumors and everything that were going around made me not want to go to school there. The surroundings were small enough that we would run into each other in various places. Everytime I was somewhere and my ex showed up I wanted to leave and I got out as fast as I could so there would be no scene or vicious rumors. (I ended up going to the school faculity over all this harasment that I was getting).

 

The girl started trying to hang out with all my gf or anyone that I had a crush one. Trying to get close I don't know. I was very suspicious of all this and right away thought that she was going to try and slam my name to these girls that I wanted to date. I wanted nothing to do with my ex and wanted my ex out of my life for all that trouble. (or so I thought)

 

My close friend that used her, she used him back to get this other guy. She ended up with him and they broke up. This close friend got really close to this guy only to get to the girl. He basically used her then dumped her. He started bragging about it then I cut ties with him. We ended up talking again and hanging.

 

She moved out of town, after she graduated; ended up coming back. Within the last year I had this crush on this one girl. My ex started hanging around her (thought was weird). I got angry and asked what is it that you want with me. She and I talked over the phone and she was telling me that she wasn't trying to screw my life over like I had thought. I was leary.

 

I noticed something weird was up when this friend started becoming a jerk towards me when he found I liked this girl. He did that before my ex was in the picture with another girl.

 

I met this other girl and started hanging out with her. That night we ran into my ex. This girl went of with my ex somewhere. She came back a half hour later and the girl told me that she heard some things about me. I thought "oh great what did she say now?!"

 

Turns out that my ex told this girl that i "was the best boyfriend that she ever had and took good care of her well." My ex also told her "That I was really romantic and it didnt' work out because there was differences that we could not resolve."

 

At that point, after hearing all this...I began to wonder if she ever even said those things. I mean if she really did say that, and she really meant that she would tell one of friends the vicious stuff right?

 

I sent my ex a text, telling her "That was some pretty nice things that you told that girl that one night....and it made me wonder did you tell people that I abused you and all that?"

 

She replied back "NO?!!!! where did you get an idea like that I told some peopel that you had some things to work on but never anything close to that."

 

I recalled a camping trip that I went on a couple of years ago with this "close friend" and he was telling me that my ex wanted nothing to do with me and was emphasizing that.

 

I heard from many people now that she says positive things on how I was the greatest. One guy told me that he was told by my ex that I hated her (which I did after all that crap).

 

Well....It turns out that my ex never did any of those rumors. This close friend of mine was spreading these rumors and pinning it on her. He was the one who told me about that stalking and wanted to make sure I never talked to this girl again. Before I found all this out he was asking me if I talked to my ex at all. I thought that was suspicious him asking me that.

 

Now after five years seeing my ex as this horrible monster trying to screw me over... she wasn't that at all. It was quite the opposite. This guy was trying to make sure that I was angry enough at my ex to never talk to her again so he could get into her pants. I hated my ex based on what this guy was spreading about me. He pinned it all on her!!!

 

Now after finding all this out. My ex does not know the entire details of what was being said by this guy. She is confused about all this. I don't know how to tell her or if I should at all. I think she has an idea but not aware to as how viscious that she was presented to me by this guy.

 

I want to rebuild a friendship with this girl again. I don't know how. I don't even know where to begin. I'm pretty sure she is interested in friends because I deleted her from facebook a couple of months ago and she was upset about it. And she would have not added me on facebook if she didn't want any contact with me.

 

What do I do here? Do I talk to her about what I was being told? Do I let her know what happened and why I acted the way I did towards her?

 

Also I cut ties with this "close friend" He is not a close friend if he did all that to keep me out of the way to get my ex and brag about it. I did confront him on it and asked him why did he do that. He shrugged me off.

 

Any Ideas? I just want friends nothing more after all that I went through.

[huskiesfan]

Neither the ex nor your former best friend sounds like very trustworthy people to hang around. Even if she didn't spread rumors about you, why was she trying to get close to any girl you had an romantic attraction to?

[venitianblinds]

Who knows why? Then why is she also being supportive of a girl potentially liking me too and saying those good things about me?

 

I do know that the relationship that I had with my ex was the best one I had. The ending was brutal but only because someone was trying to use the power of rumors to get me to hate her. I don't think she understood why I was so angry with her all these years.

[huskiesfan]

Who knows why? Then why is she also being supportive of a girl potentially liking me too and saying those good things about me?

 

I do know that the relationship that I had with my ex was the best one I had. The ending was brutal but only because someone was trying to use the power of rumors to get me to hate her. I don't think she understood why I was so angry with her all these years.

 

Mmmhmm. Maybe you should talk with her about it. You didn't know that it was your friend until recently, so she can hardly blame you for being angry with her.

[venitianblinds]

how? after all this anger toward her? I don't know where to begin

[huskiesfan]

Give it some time. Emotions may be too raw at this point to talk about it, but they may not be in a little while, not to mention things may be clearer.

[venitianblinds]

I've suspected my "close friend" stabbing me in the back for a year or two now. Just couldn't believe it. All this has gone on now for five years. I'm very clear about what happened now.

[huskiesfan]

I've suspected my "close friend" stabbing me in the back for a year or two now. Just couldn't believe it. All this has gone on now for five years. I'm very clear about what happened now.

I can imagine how much of a shock that can be. You did the right thing by cutting that backstabber out of your life.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

You are talking about a time frame of 5 years. Your ex did some not so admirable things in the early years as well, even though she was not responsible for the bad mouthing. However, that was then, now is now. Some people, as they grow older, mature and change. It sounds like she may be maturing and growing. I would say before you talk to her you need to let go of your anger and put the past behind you. Then talk to her and explain.