Broken_Toe Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 Hi, I know there is probably a multitude of threads on this but I'm really busy at the mo and don't have the time to search for them all and then sift through them. With my latest relationship nightmare (to follow the previous 3) I'm losing faith in ability to meet suitable women who I will click with so was wondering about dipping a toe into the world of Online Dating (preferably link removed). I hoping with the whole matching personality traits etc that it might bring me more luck. I was just interested in peoples views on this phenomena, in particular success stories, or whther I should just view it as another unrealistic option and forget about it? Also, is it wrong that I feel quite pathetic and a loser for contemplating online dating as a sort of "last resort" option? I'm 27 this year and I feel that time is really against me now Thanks!! Link to comment
Mutley Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 It's worked for me. That's all I'll say. You need to find out for yourself. Link to comment
Clarity Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 I've had a great experience thus far. I'll say this: as long as you don't have unrealistic expectations (for example: "online dating results will be soooooo much better for me than real life dating results"), you should be fine. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 I think online dating sites work only as a means to an end - meaning, I don't think typing and talking to strangers on a dating site have anything to do with dating, but if you see it as a way to exchange one or two emails, then get on the phone for a brief conversation and then meet in person asap for coffee to see if you should go on a real date in the near future, it is a good way to make contact with people you otherwise might never meet or might have to go to many different places, events, activities to meet. It also works best if you have a clear idea of what you want (a date? a relationship? marriage?) and if you focus on being very good at screening out people who don't seem to be on the same wavelength as you, erring in favor of not meeting in person if there are red flags in the profile, email or phone call such as significant negativity, lying about basic facts (age, marital status, education, job), lack of interest in meeting in person, etc. I know of several happy marriages between very high quality people (meaning, people who have excellent values, intelligence, ambition, compassion, etc) who originally met through a dating site. I met many men through on line dating sites and on the whole had positive experiences. I was very good at screening and used to going on blind dates so this was just another way to meet people. On the other hand I think that people who use on line dating sites as an excuse for meeting people in person (i.e. chatting on line for lengthy periods of time before meeting or not making real efforts to meet in person) are misusing the sites as a way to meet chat buddies or as a way to tell themselves they are trying to find a relationship and reinforce their negative perceptions that there is "no one" out there. Link to comment
elizmdavis Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 I have two friends that have met their hubbies on link removed. They are VERY happy girls! Link to comment
Portage Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 i am seriously going this route come March. 30 days or bust. I'm halfway registered now...i can get nudges and responses but i can't see the pics. Baby steps i say... Callingallangels is going to help me with the evaluation process. I don't trust myself. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 i am seriously going this route come March. 30 days or bust. I'm halfway registered now...i can get nudges and responses but i can't see the pics. Baby steps i say... Callingallangels is going to help me with the evaluation process. I don't trust myself. ...... Happy to help! Link to comment
sidehop Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 Yes but please be honest. There are way too many 'fake' profiles, people who represent themselves as who they are not. That's the biggest problem with online dating sites. Link to comment
God of Wine Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 I agree with Sidehop so watch out for those people who only post one picture. I met a few girls who looked NOTHING like their pics (and I was a gentleman and went through the formality of the date) I was not happy with the misrepresentation. I did enjoy the method. You can "windowshop" to narrow it down, and if you like what you see, try to open communication and go from there. It makes it easy to be honest if you aren't interested. I did meet a few nice girls and ended up having a pretty positive relationship out of it... so it can def. work Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 Yes but please be honest. There are way too many 'fake' profiles, people who represent themselves as who they are not. That's the biggest problem with online dating sites. And a huge problem with meeting people in any context where they are strangers - such as at a bar, at a party where you don't have mutual friends, etc. Link to comment
Portage Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 I've always heard that women average and up have a wide range to pick from? Not true? I'm green in this field so any info would be appreciated. Link to comment
Mutley Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 I've always heard that women average and up have a wide range to pick from? Not true? I'm green in this field so any info would be appreciated. Yes, especially on the meat market sites...where the ration is like 60% men to 40% women. Nevertheless, a lot of sifting has to been done to find the diamond in the rough. It may take a couple/three years of trying. I'm talking from experience. Link to comment
Portage Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 Yes, especially on the meat market sites...where the ration is like 60% men to 40% women. Nevertheless, a lot of sifting has to been done to find the diamond in the rough. It may take a couple/three years of trying. I'm talking from experience. three years will ruin my 30 day or bust plan, i'm too impatient for long delays. hmmmm Link to comment
Mutley Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 three years will ruin my 30 day or bust plan, i'm too impatient for long delays. hmmmm Good things come to those who wait!! Anyway....it may not take that long...it may happen much quicker. But 30 days isn't very long. Link to comment
flash83 Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 i agree with most people: - manage your expectations - do not take rejection personally - persistence is important (success can take months or years) i personally have had successes but haven't found my SO yet.. ive bee on LL for a month and only get about a date a week with 2 2nd dates and 1 im still 'dating' now. i used to get upset when girls would stop responding but i realized if they don't like me for whatever reason then why would i bother to waste my energy on getting their attention? its nothing personal when they reject you or stop communicating, just move on. Link to comment
Kiteless Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 I've been wildly successful on OkCupid, as have many, many of my friends (monogamous ones too!) Link to comment
Broken_Toe Posted February 17, 2009 Author Share Posted February 17, 2009 Thanks for the replies guys. Still considering it myself. Doe's there seem to be more Men than women on these sites. I'm worried about the rejection things too. I struggle with this but trying to keep positive maybe this would help me get over my fear of rejection? I don't know. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Thanks for the replies guys. Still considering it myself. Doe's there seem to be more Men than women on these sites. I'm worried about the rejection things too. I struggle with this but trying to keep positive maybe this would help me get over my fear of rejection? I don't know. I wouldn't take a stranger declining to respond to an email or declining to meet you in person as a rejection - that person doesn't know you in real life. Link to comment
Clarity Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 After online dating for a while, rejection barely affects me anymore. I try to keep my emotions on an even keel, no matter what, but the only time rejection might affect me a bit is if I've already been on a few dates with the person and I've started to like them and at that point they decide not to go further - but that kind of rejection is unavoidable to experience, unless you want to avoid dating altogether. Link to comment
flash83 Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Thanks for the replies guys. Still considering it myself. Doe's there seem to be more Men than women on these sites. I'm worried about the rejection things too. I struggle with this but trying to keep positive maybe this would help me get over my fear of rejection? I don't know. the fear of rejection can really be overcome by experience. i can tell you not to take it personally but you will anyways until youve gone through it. i dont think theres a faster way to get rejected by many women than online dating. Link to comment
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