Late Night Ramble

[airmanswife]

So this is going to be the first of many late night ramblings from my house. Unfortunately. Seeing as how all my ramblings happen because of something bad.

I just got off the phone with my husband and if you haven't read my last thread...short version...he's in the military, we've been separated for the last couple months solid and the last 5 with a couple of visits. He's having a hard time dealing with being married and having kids and responsibility amoungst the young guys there who are unattached and the young girls there that want him so bad they can't stand it. I told him to do what he wanted and I wouldn't hold it against him and he's basically stopped talking to me. Til tonight....

He calls and sounds like his old self. I can breathe again. The calls again late to talk. So in the midst of the conversation I confess my one major mistake since he's been gone....I went out drinking. Something that used to get me in trouble. I did it, in part, to find out if I could be faithful when I was trashed...not really a good track record there. And I was happily surprised that all I talked about..all I desired to talk about, was him. He was all I wanted to talk about.

So now instead of me being upset because he's thinking about having sex with these teeny girls in TX, he's mad cuz I went out drinking. Have no problem with him being upset, but get the feeling that he looking for a divorce and I might have just given him one.

I know that alot of people don't believe in soul mates...at least here. But I believe that my DH is my soul mate. That he is who I am meant to be with in this world and I believe that he feels the same way. Regardless of what is going on now. So is true love enough? Can it outshine all the attempts to screw it up? Cuz God knows apparently we are trying.

We believe that getting married is a one time deal. That you shouldn't get married if you can ever see yourself divorcing that person. And that is what we did. But did we mean it? I have had every real love in my life taken from me. My mother, by death, my father, by new stepmother, my son, by the court system + evil new stepmother, and now my soon to be ex-husband. The man that my life has been affected by in every sense of the word. A man that without him, I would not have become who I am.

Why does this happen? Why does my happiness always seem to disappear as soon as I think it will last forever?

 

Any opinions are welcome, but this was more a vent than actual question. Thanks for taking a look into my own circle of hell. Have a nice day.

[waveseer]

I want you to remember one thing, it's not over until it's over. We don't know for certain what the future holds, so who knows, it could be good!