I know I'm being stupid. Thinking too much.

[jhinnako]

I have met the most wonderful guy. truly, everything I could ask for. I'm 24, he's 27. Things are going *phenominally* well---he's a gem! So why am I so suspicious and looking for things to worry about? We've gone out on 7 dates over 3 weeks, each of them being very long--anywhere from 3-7 hours. We got to know each other really well online and ended up talking daily for an entire month before we even met. We get along so well in person too--our personalities just mix and we are able to hold a conversation about nothing at all with ease.

 

He seems really interested, we talk daily, text a ton, hang out several times a week. He's a perfect and complete gentleman--we didn't kiss until our 6th date, and even that was a very polite, well-mannered closed mouth kiss. I honestly don't feel like he's seeing me so he can "get in my pants". All this time spent together and he's never once placed a hand on me(as in being touchy, testing my boundaries, trying to intiate anything sexual)--but he does kiss me a lot---those very sweet kisses I mentioned above. He will, however, rub my back, hold my hand or run his fingers through my hair or spend an insane number of hours cuddled up with me under a blanket holding me while we watch a movie. He got me this cute little v-day card and wrote out this long goofy message. He's introduced me to 3 of his friends, two of which he lives with.

 

So I am blown away with this guy. I can feel myself becoming attached to him. As in, I'm getting to the point where if this ended badly now, I know I'd be pretty saddened and upset. Not to mention my last relationship ended really badly and sort of took a big blow to my ego. I just worry--like is this going *too well*? We met on a dating site(he claims to have joined after reading my profile to talk to me--how believable is that though, really. I'll take that with a grain of salt). He's also commented that "your the only interesting person I've met on there"---I know it's not my *business* or my right to be concerned--especially this early, but what if he meets someone he likes better on there and ditches me? He still logs on every day. How do I know? I log on to see if he logged on. I honestly stopped talking to all other dudes weeks ago--which is dumb..I should be seeing other people...I'm just honestly not even interested in anyone else, especially some stranger on a dating site. I know, realistically, there's a very good chance he's seeing other people. How can I stop from worrying about this?? I'm not incredibly concerned at this point--it is very early, I know. But I also know I'm getting more attached to him practically by the day. How can I stop from worrying about this junk and just enjoy what's going on here and now?

[alannah82]

RELAX! haha I know its easier said than done but you really seem like you are looking WAY too far into it. Have some fun! Enjoy what you have going on with him right now. Maybe hes just logging on to see if youre logging on.. ya know. Or maybe hes not. You can run thru a billion possibilities and worry about things that havent happened yet OR you can have fun! You can do this without completely letting your guard down. You sound like youre really playing it smart so far.. just keep that up. Dont give in and try to enjoy it.

[ellandroader]

I met my last girlfriend online, purely at random and early on, we had these same doubts. My first observation is that perhaps you need to have a chat with him, see where you are going, if it's serious etc. Until then, he may be unsure as to what is going on as you are too, obviously. We agreed to commit and not "talk" to anyone else and after that, we felt at ease. And in fairness, this is something you should be able to talk about together.

 

My second observation is that you are scared of things that haven't happened yet. This killed my relationship because my girlfriend had a rough past which she allowed to shadow what she had in front of her. I don't think you are at a critical stage yet but with me, I started to give and give and give and she couldn't reciprocate. She assumed it was over anyway, but inadvertently pushed me away with her behaviour.

 

Anyhow this isn't about me but my point is that I honestly feel you should grab this by the neck if the chance comes and go with it. Don't let your fear get the better of you because you, as everybody else, deserves to be happy. You can't help the worry I don't think but seek councel from your friends (an outside view always helps) and you can take steps to reduce it by establishing clear communication.

 

Hope this helps, and good luck,

Dan

[blgbird]

you know you're sabotaging this right now..right?..It seems like you have a great thing going and he seems like a gentleman, you're dating so he might or might not be seeing other people and there would be nothing wrong if he was, but if it's bothering you so much it seems like you guys have spent enough time with each other for you to ask him if he's seeing other people. You're overthinking this, let it go and enjoy the good thing you have right now...we all know it doesn't happen that often.

[jhinnako]

I know what I'm doing is "overthinking". Fortunately, I hide my insecurities well. haha I don't let it interfere with how I act or treat him. This is an internal conflict. lol I think in part, I'm intimidated because I think he's "too attractive" for me. Like he may just be out of my league and while I'm a "pretty girl", he could probably do better! Obviously though, I *know* he must find me attractive or he wouldn't be spending all this time with me, texting me, wanting to hang out, even though he's a guy and he's getting nothing "sexual" in return at this point--except the *pleasure* of my company. haha

[agburns84]

It sounds like what you have at the moment with this guy is something truly great, like others have said I would go with the flow! I know how easy it is to over analyse, especially at this point, when things are going so perfectly it's very natural to look into it deeply and ask yourself questions about it and where you are headed. I would put it to him subtly that you are very happy with him and talk to him about where you are going, iron out any concerns either of you may have. He sounds like a terrific guy, especially with all those lovely gestures, it is certainly very possible he genuinely feels the same about you. For now, I'd keep going and just enjoy. Good luck and best wishes

[catfeeder]

I know what I'm doing is "overthinking". Fortunately, I hide my insecurities well. haha I don't let it interfere with how I act or treat him. This is an internal conflict. lol I think in part, I'm intimidated because I think he's "too attractive" for me. Like he may just be out of my league and while I'm a "pretty girl", he could probably do better! Obviously though, I *know* he must find me attractive or he wouldn't be spending all this time with me, texting me, wanting to hang out, even though he's a guy and he's getting nothing "sexual" in return at this point--except the *pleasure* of my company. haha

 

You may believe that you can hide what you're doing, but that's like saying, "I keep taking poison and I don't enjoy it, but since there's no visible affects, I can keep doing it."

 

You're spraying black paint all over your whole thought process, and if you don't think it will come out sideways and sabotage a good thing, you don't have enough experience yet.

 

I've had to reverse this kind of thinking many times, so I'm not unsympathetic. I use gratitude as my tool for building appreciation of what's in front of me. I think more of what I'm giving rather than what I'm getting, I excuse slights as mistakes rather than reading harm into them, and I throw myself into the moment and trust things to ride out well in the same manner I must invest in trust whenever I opt to walk onto an airplane.

 

If suspicion and doubt were of any use to you, I'd support you in going there. But useless is useless, and it's not even any fun. I'd much rather support the terrific experience you could be having--if you'll only allow yourself to enjoy it.

 

In your corner.