My boyfriend has a child with another woman

[Olivia]

My boyfriend and I have a long-distance relationship because we live in different countries, and we´ve been together for 1 year so we´ve already dealt with the normal issues that arise in this kind of relationship. I still have my insecurities and little obsessions sometimes but I don´t bother him much anymore, and I´ve learned to enjoy what we have, which is the best we´ve ever known. I live alone and work at home, which doesn´t help because I have lots of time to think about every little thing and turn it into a problem, plus I´m extremely sensitive and maybe a bit complicated, like many women. What I´m struggling with now is the fact that my boyfriend is divorced and has a 3 year old child. I thought I didn´t mind at first, but of course I never saw the kid much, we usually spend the little time we have together on "honeymoons" somewhere in Europe, but our relationship gradually got more serious and my love for him grew so much that I want it to be perfect. I never asked him to leave his kid, but he thought about moving to my country at first and later felt guilty so he kept pointing out that the child was more important than me (even in romantic moments) and that I was the one who had to move to his country. The thing is, I think our relationship is great right now and I´m afraid I wouldn´t adapt aborad, especially because he insists that I see his ex-wife and her parents all the time, and treat them like friends, and I can´t do that. I can see them occasionally, although they´re not even particularly nice to me. But I almost feel angry at the kid, who did nothing wrong. If I told my boyfriend everything I feel he would be very disappointed and would probably leave me. We´ve discussed this subject but it´s like we´re both banging on a brick wall. He wants me to go with him pick up his kid at his ex-parents-in-law and I see no need for that. It´s already SO hard for me to think that another woman has a child with my boyfriend and that she will always be in his life, why do I have to take her and her family into my life? I think about this a lot, and I know he expects me to change my mind, but I just want to be with him, not his past. This is tearing me apart.

Olivia

[SwingFox]

Hi Olivia,

 

Welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for sharing your questions with us. I am very worried over your posting. First of all this posting is not meant to tell you that you should or should not put up with this.

 

I'd like to point out to you that the only obligation YOU have in life, is the obligation for YOU to be happy. If YOU are not happy, YOU can't make someone else happy. This pretty much means, that YOU have to set the borderlines for yourself. If you think that putting up with his ex-wife and her family the way your b/f wants you to is too much, than I strongly suggest that you think again. I don't think that it would be wise to stay together, because you will always feel too much involved into his past.

 

My personal opinion (others can have theirs) towards your situation is that he is going WAY too far. Personally I would NOT want to be involved in someone's past like that. I would respect the child for sure, but picking up the child with him at his ex-parents-in-law and ACTUALLY treat them like friends? Sorry ....

 

I hope this helped you on your way ... good luck!

 

~ SwingFox ~