another rebound guy story

[sypaman]

This may be a little long and invovled so please bear with. i'll skip some details for brevity

 

I know my ex since she was 8 years old and i was 19. I am one of her brothers best friends. she would later tell me how she had a school girl crush on me when she was little.

 

13 years ago this past new years eve, 1996, i was having a tuff year, my mom died, i got divorced ...i was at my friend 's house and she was there too. i excused myself to go outside and cry alone, she followed and although i asked her to leave she wouldn't. we spent about an hour just talking. it felt good to have my " little sister" to talk to... we heard other people celebrate as the ball dropped, and i gave her a new year's peck on the cheeck... when i pulled away, she told me silently with her eyes " no, kiss me ...for real " and i did....we shared our first kiss, then later made love akll night , on a magically romantic night. After which I wouldn't see her again for 12 years. In that time she got married to the guy she met right after me , had a kid.... i followed her through her brother and was happy for her happiness.... but every new years eve i couldn't help but think of her and smile.

 

in the fall of 07, her father died and i went to the funeral and saw her for the first time since. she didn't say anything to me, and i certainly wasn't going to bring it up, as her husband was there ... but later in the night she caught me alone and we laughed about it and got rid of that uncomfortability.

 

a few weeks later, her brother told me she was having marital problems .. a few weeks after that she asked for my e-mail address ...when that happened i knew something was up in her mind.... one flirt led to another and there we were , on new years eve again no less .... you have no idea how it felt to have a 12 year daydream come true to be with her again. the impossible was happening.

 

We started out just enjoying the three f's .. fun , friendship, and f#$king .. but by early may we had proclaimed our love for one another and i was on cloud nine ... i was one of those who had been burnt by love a couple of times in my life and gave up on it, and all of a sudden here i was in a relationship that seemed so perfect, so meant to be, she was wonderful and each moment with her was a gift from heaven. who would have figured anthony and " little vicki " would one day fall in love. i was in love with my good friend, i was hanging out with my second family again.one of the greatest times of my life, probably always be remembered like that.

 

then in early t , over the phone no less, i heard those dreaded words, " we need to talk " .. and in a minute it was over. she told me she thought she might have made a mistake by going with me just 3 days after moving out on her husband. that she needed some time alone , without a man in her life, to discover who she was etc ... now i myself have been through that, not having anything to do with women for over a year by choice, because a previous ex broke my heart and i knew i couldn't possibly give of myself yet. so i understood when she said she needed time alone. i figured i'd give her a few months and see if she had her head on straight and did she wanna try it now? .....

 

well she didn't even have a chance to miss me. in just weeks from telling me she loved me, she was in someone else's bed. i got an invite from her to join her on link removed shorty after our breakup, well she did say she'd like to stay friends... actually i know we will because i'm close with her mom and brothers. ... i figured " ok keep her clsoe but not too close " ... and then i noticed #1 friend , some guy i never heard her talk about ..... time alone ? how about i was forgotten and replaced in less than 6 weeks, by her " new best friend ".......so i watched in horror as thier relationship progressed , with the cutesy comments, the love songs to each other, pictures of them together on weekend .... i watched them say i love you ... i have never been hurt this bad before in my life ....

 

i cried and cried from november until the beginning of january, you guys know the drill, couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, could only think of her and torture myself. i lost 20 lbs and two inches on the waist ( the only positives to come out of this, lol ) ... it's funny because my therapist diagnosed me as having a worn out nervous condition .. and i pay him 60 bucks a week for this brilliance ??!! i wished i were dead as my life felt like a hell on earth. i cursed her, myself and my god ... how could he do this ? why was this happening to me, how could she do this to me, didn't i show her love, didn't i deserve better ? and the worst part was , knowing she just didn't care .... in the end my love meant nothing. i was so easily forgetable and replacable ....

 

and then i realized, people had warned me at the beginning ... i was the quintisential rebound guy ..... she knew me , had a comfort level when it came to being intimate, i was safe, a security blanket, a crutch to use until she could walk on her own again. I was used .... and now it seems used up. i gave her the best of me, the best of my love, and she took it all and i feel empty inside now, nothing left.

 

i made her feel loved again, gave her confidence back, something to take her mind off her soon to be ex, a shoulder to cry on, i gave her a rock to lean on while she readjusted her life, heck i adored her ..... and then as soon as she could walk again she threw her crutch away .... i still feel like the unwanted puppy left at the side of the road, wondering what the heck happened. i was never anything more to her than her rebound guy. a pleasant distraction at first, but now that we were falling in love and getting serious, she got scared and pushed away. but i could tell she loved me in her eyes, in her kiss ... i just don't understand what i meant to her if anything.

 

anger finally hit on new years eve, our night, when i called her to wish her a happy new year... and her boyfriend was there .... i was drunk and called her a * * * * in anger.... well if anything good came out of that, it was that we agreed to NC. i knew i needed it, even before i found this page. she texted me and said to look her up when i wasn't so hurt and angry. i don't know if that day will ever come.

 

the anger does scare me a little. i know i'm not the same person i was before this. and that's ironic, before we got togther i was fine and she was a mess ... now she's fine and i'm a mess.. but i don't like having anger in my soul. i don't like praying for justice and revenge, yet somehow i want her to feel this pain. it's so unhealthy for the soul, i pray the anger goes away someday. because i really do love her on so many different levels, and i really do want her happiness as she's always been my " little sister " .. i just don't want it to be with this guy .. i want her to hurt, i want her to have a reason to remember me and how good my love was, how good i treated her....then she can find happiness ... of course i have no control and i have a feeling she'll wind up marrying this guy. not that that matters, we'll never be together again ... is a dream a lie if it don't come true , or is it something worse ? and worst of all ... i'm so mad at myself for being fooled yet again.

 

in the meantime, what now for me ? i put in an ad on craigslist for a " rebound girl " and a real live person actually answered. we've been spending time .. i wouldn't say dating, we haven't even kissed and i'm not sure i have the heart for it anyway ... but it's been good to get out of the house and do things instead of sitting in the dark smoking pot, drinking beer and listening to talk radio, lol. ( at least i can start to laugh at everything now ) and in april i'm going to see a friend in puerto rico .... how do you get over losing your hot young puerto rican girlfriend? you go with a hotter younger puerto rican girl ! we're also old lovers and when she heard what happened she invited me over .... she said she didn't want my last kiss, last sex, to be with my ex .... i can understand what she means .. even if i go another year without a girlfriend, i won't have to be reminded of the ex every time i think of the last time ..... I'm also going to my cousin's kung fu school twice a week, seeing my therapist once a week, and i signed up for a screen writing class for the summer semester at the local community college ... to me the key is staying busy, keeping my mind distracted from thinking about her.

 

the bad part .. i know i'm going to have to see her again ... when her mom dies, at cerain milestones, weddings and such ..... and i dread the first time i look into her eyes again ... will i find i'm still in love with her? will the pain or anger return ? or can i forgive her someday ? maybe when we get old and grey , maybe she'll sit down with me and give me the answers i wish i had .... what was wrong? we didn't have not one argument, not one fight ... she said i was wonderful and treated her great .. then why ? and why did she lie and tell me she wanted to be alone only to start dating someone else weeks later ? why did she say she loved me if she didn't? why lead me on, get me hoping , dreaming of a lifetime with her if she knew it wasn't gonna happen ? and how could she be so cold to break up with me over the phone, then forget all about me .. and the big one , didn't it mean anything ??!!! did i at least do my job as the rebound guy ? was i helpful to you ? .. i don't know, and i never will.

 

but right now , i'm trying to spend my time and thoughts on the people who do care about me and want me , instead of the ones who don't ....

 

i just want to stop hurting, heal, move on and forget, just like she did ..... and more than anything i just want to be my old happy go lucky self .....but i know i have more hurt to fight through first, and fight through i will !

 

and i will never , ever , be the rebound guy again. lesson learned .

 

 

 

 

" my name is junior , i'm living in this hell.

sometimes i feel bad, i never do feel well .

jesus must have, one heckuva plan for me

. i know i'm missing something but i don't know what it could be.

and if i have anything to say about judgement day,

be a voice in heaven for those who've lived this way ...

anyway, you know exactly who you are. "

[sypaman]

I just wanted to say thanks to you ... that signature of yours has been a mantra for me this last month and has helped .. thanks for that dose of reality.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I really think you need to put her in perspective. She threw herself at you for sex when you were feeling low and then she threw herself at you for sex when she was feeling low, then she threw herself into a new relationship right after splitting from you and from her husband. This woman has very very shallow emotions and seems to think life's problems can be solved with sex. I think she is more messed up than you are!

[sypaman]

thanks " dogs " , of course i know your right about her maturity level, and her equating sex with feelings .. she'll have to learn her lessons on her own though .....

 

as far as rebound guy though .. i think of that line from ugly betty " i don't want to be your rebound guy- i want to be THE guy "

 

I can't say people didn't warn me about it , and my advice to other potential rebound guy/girls ... if you want a real shot at a successful relationship , resist the urge to be with them now.... tell them to wait, and if they feel the same way 6 months from now great ... that's what i wish i'd done.

 

In the meantime , NC has saved my sanity ... and when i feel bad i use the old addict trick of thinking it through .. and that's where uclamike's little check list comes .. i think it through to how she dumped me uncerimoniously and picked right up with the first guy who showed her attention ... how she doesn't love or want me anymore ... it helps ...