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how do i get back the guy i pushed away?!?!


tpi43

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This is long-winded but please read the whole thing. I'm kinda desperate for advice!!!

 

OKAY. So up until recently, I was in a less-than-serious relationship with a guy who lives more than 4 hours north of me. Well, Christmas day I received a sweet message from a good-looking stranger on Facebook. Just a "hello" telling me he liked my smile and asking if I'd grown up in my current town. Well, we ended up emailing pretty much all day, and by evening he was wanting to meet up. I was nervous because he is about 5 1/2 years older than me (I'm 22, he'll be 28 soon), and I didn't know anything about him other than what he'd told me.

 

Plus, I was thinking of my then-prospective-boyfriend.

 

Well, "New Guy" seemed very sharp, very confident and very determined to meet me, so we made plans for him to come to my house to watch a basketball game with my family and me, rather than putting myself in a possibly bad situation with a man I don't know.

 

He continued to text me and was very very flirty, to the point that I became uncomfortable because I didn't know his personality well enough yet to know he was joking. So after talking with my long-distance man, I cancelled my plans with this new Facebook guy. He asked me out for the next night. And the next night. I turned him down every time. Then he went back up to where he lives, which is also about 4 hours north of me.

 

I ended the less-than-serious relationship with the first guy, and realized that this other "new" guy was really being decent and just wanted to meet me. So I texted him and we talked quite a bit for about a week or so. And now suddenly, he doesn't seem as enthusiastic...

 

What do I do to get him excited about me again? He let me know that he'd been "totally intrigued" by me and really interested in meeting. And even after, he'd tell me several times a day that he wanted to meet me and get to know me. I just always brushed it off because I didn't understand how someone could seriously feel like that about a person they'd never met. But now I'm feeling like I could have messed up with a really great catch and I want him back!!

 

So what do I do?

 

I've been more flirty and I have been putting forth a lot more effort to contact him and let him know I'm interested. This lull has only been for a few days, so maybe I'm overreacting. But it's kind of sudden and severe, considering we had been texting and talking every day and then I didn't hear from him for 2 days...

 

I'm just wanting some advice. I'm not conceited or anything, but I tend to ignore the good guys and go for the challenging ones. But I want to fix that, and give it a good try with this guy. It's just hard because I could make a much bigger impact in person, and he lives so far away.

 

Any suggestions??

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Well, first of all, did you mention breaking up with your boyfriend? If you did that, he's unenthusiastic because in his mind, you're looking for a rebound relationship. If you didn't mention the breakup, he might not be so enthusiastic because he got over you after you turned him down previously.

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But it's kind of sudden and severe, considering we had been texting and talking every day and then I didn't hear from him for 2 days...

That's probably what he was thinking after you cancelled your plans and dissed him the next 2 nights. He's probably lost interest...which means he probably just wanted to hook up with you while it was convenient/he was in town. He's not going to drive 4 hours again with the possibility you'd cancel again.

Anyways....this is not the "good guy"...this is the "complicated guy"....you have contributed to making it complicated, maybe because that's when your interest hits high gear....but regardless, making sexual comments and being *that* interested in meeting you is a red flag, as your original intuition told you. The "good guy" doesn't hit on random chicks on facebook that live 4 hours away. The good guys would be scared you're psycho, have an STD, or would assume a level-headed woman on facebook would tell a guy who came accross her picture and wanted to text/call/drive to meet her to get lost!!

Definitely go for a good guy next time---someone closer??

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Well, "New Guy" seemed very sharp, very confident and very determined to meet me, so we made plans for him to come to my house to watch a basketball game with my family and me, rather than putting myself in a possibly bad situation with a man I don't know.

 

Whoa dude has some balls! lol I agree though with the other poster if I had been denied twice then I would lose interest.

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Yep, agreed with the rest. Well, I'm giving the guy the benefit of the doubt. We cannot judge him and his true intentions. If he's really interested though, and he's after a genuine friendship and not just a casual fling, then he would drive 4 hours just to get to you and meet up again. If you feel that he's grown distant, then maybe it really wasn't meant to be.

 

I'm just wondering, are you really over your boyfriend now? It seems that you're more fascinated about the new guy then talk about the break up...

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How exactly had he flirt with you where it made you feel uncomfortable? Genuine or not, we can probably tell from those messages alone.

 

i think i would lose interest after being turned down two times thinking things were going fairly well. maybe he's just hurt from the rejection.

 

missed opportunities suck.

 

This is likely the case. Feelings becomes complicated when hurt comes into place. Can't blame him for his inaction.

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I actually did not mention breaking up with my boyfriend because at the time when "new guy" first contacted me, the relationship wasn't extremely serious, but i still warned him that there was another guy in my life. I just wanted to be straight up with him. To that he responded, "Well a girl who's 'sorta' dating another guy has never stopped me, and plus when we meet you'll forget about him anyway". He is definitely not lacking in confidence. However, I didn't realize at that point that he is a big tease and most of his jokes were very forward like that. Referring to me as his possible "wifey" and talking about "when we hang out" long before arrangements were ever made to begin with! Those were the comments that caught me off-guard. Normally they wouldn't have bothered me, but getting a dozen like that from a perfect stranger was quite daunting! I think the fact that he is nearly 28 and looking seriously for a wife has a lot to do with the fact that he is moving on. I've made it pretty clear that I'm in no hurry to marry or even fall in love, which is something he has pushed (whether in jest or seriously, who knows? It's all he talks about though!). I can only assume he's been joking because normal guys don't openly share those feelings with strangers, right? Anyway, I have done my part to try again and decided last night to delete his number from my phone. If he calls again, he has one more chance to show me he isn't a total weirdo. haha

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Confident or not, you wouldn't know unless you met him. It's not a very good indicator to say he is based on him pushing it with text messaging. Even meeting the person for the first few times are not good indicators. I also try to detect guy's confidence level to see what they're about, but judging them as a guy, lots of the so called confident guys are simply disillusioned and have empty purposeless lives. I figured this after having lived with some of them as roommates. A balance in confidence level is not a bad thing.

 

Staying away from you could be driven by many reasons. Pain, indifference, caution, hesitant. You never know.

 

But perhaps you just missed the attention and suddenly losing all of it.

 

I think what you say you'll do is probably the most advantageous way. But if you do that, things just might fade out if that's okay with you.

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I wouldn't let a rejection go past the first, there will never be a second. You get one shot and that's it and even if the girl and I became good friends that's all we ever will be. Regardless if she later wants to change our stauts to something more than friends. I'll reminder her we had that opportunity and she choose differently and my choice is I'd rather remain just friends.

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