Heard this on the radio

[nurse1986]

I was listening to the radio yesterday morning and a guy called the radio station and asked "how long do you have to know someone before you ask them to marry you?"...

 

Corey, an anchor, said as early as two weeks...

 

But Jen, the other anchor, said "you can't know if you want to marry someone in that short amount of time because you really don't know them"...

 

Corey said, "I believe in love at first sight...."

 

Jen said, "more like "lust" at first sight"....

 

Then they started going back and forth about how some people actually do get married when they don't really know each other. People started calling the show and telling their stories.

 

This one man said that his friend got married 6 mos after knowing his girl and got a divorce a year later because they couldn't stand living together, etc, etc.

 

This woman called the show and said that her best friend can't commit to anyone because she will only stay in a relationship until the "spark" is gone.

She said that the longest relationship her friend has ever had was a year long. Her friend says that she won't "stick it out" because getting married and having children is the norm. Instead she puts herself first and can't see herself getting married to anyone and starting a family if can't feel the way she feels about a person 5 years after knowing them.

 

Your thoughts?

[Batya33]

If the accomplishment is seen as "getting married" then that's very different than "being in a happy marriage". Almost anyone who is single and over a certain age is allowed to get married whether they know each other 2 weeks or 20 years. There are happy marriages where the couple knew each other for two weeks (or met for the first time at the altar), miserable ones where the couple lived together for 10 years and have two children - when it comes to that measure, I think it's mostly a crapshoot.

 

I do think that the love at first sight/married in three months or less gets glorified the most and so do the couples who plan a huge fancy party for a year or more as if the fancier the party, the more bells and whistles, the more they must be the perfect couple. (not my perspective, not everyone's but I've seen that whole focus on the expensive party as opposed to the marriage/relationship.

 

As far as spark - look, I think the spark can and should be revived, reenergized, however you want to put it, but expecting that it will feel exactly the same as when it was new - especially if the person was a bit insecure, a bit anxious about "will she call?" "does he like me??" "what did he mean when he brushed my hair out of my eyes in the wind??" -is unrealistic.

 

It's also being able to see the specialness - the spark - in something like shared laughter in only the way you two laugh together as opposed to expecting that you will feel completely swept off your feet every time he touches your hand a certain way (maybe you will at times, but expecting it is sabotaging, in my opinion).

[TheSmilingTurnip]

I went out with my boyfriend for 18 months before we got married. We've been married for a little over 3 months now. The spark comes and goes depending on how much we're doing to maintain it. We are happy. Honestly, the marriage doesn't feel much different from how we were when we were dating, except we're more committed, more trusting, more excited. I'm explaining it pretty clumsily. You've just gotta have a good foundation first.

 

Love at first sight is possible, I guess, it's not been my experience. But it can happen.

[Mutley]

I was listening to the radio yesterday morning and a guy called the radio station and asked "how long do you have to know someone before you ask them to marry you?"...

 

Corey, an anchor, said as early as two weeks...

 

 

Bologna. Unless you even want a bigger chance for divorce down the road.

[Ac143]

My parents knew eachother 8 weeks (I think) maybe 12 weeks before getting married...they have been happily married for 34yrs now. My dads friend met his wife on a train going to work and married the next day in a court house - 28yrs later they are still together. I could never imagine marrying someone so quickly but I would never say it cant last because I know that's not always 100% true.

 

I can see it going both ways - it all depends on the people, the work they put into it, commitment, love etc...

[nurse1986]

I don't find it hard to believe that there are people who can't commit, once the spark is gone. Chemistry is a great feeling!

 

Me and my SO have been together going on 6 years now and the best part of our relationship was during the first two years. We love each other very much, but know each other WAY TOO MUCH, never the less still very happy. The spark isn't as shocking as it used to be, and it comes and goes, but I would never leave him when it's not there.

 

Does that make me settle for less?

 

I was just very confused by what the caller said. Yes, I and many other people could give up on our relationships and hop around, but I'd rather have a family and a stable life...

 

Not to sure what I'm trying to say

[MattW]

My one cousin recently got engaged to a guy she's only been seeing for a few months; the wedding is in March, I think. I'm not that close to my cousins, so I dunno the full story on those two; from what I heard, they met at church, or in some kind of church group, or something like that. I dunno. I'll be kinda surprised if they stick together in the long run; especially if she takes after her mother... @_@