French Kissing - How To (Beginners Guide)

[Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb]

Allright I've recently received a PM from a certain member asking me about french kissing. That I think is a topic that does come up commonly here on enotalone, so I thought perhaps its time I put a post up in case anyone else is interested in reading as well as the member himself. Here goes...

 

Getting Into Things - When Should you Kiss?

Be Sure YOU Want To

There is a huge amount of pressure that goes along with the First Time you kiss someone. Media bombards people with messages, parents give messages, friends give messages. Try to tune ALL of those out, and think about yourself. How do you feel about it? How do you feel about your relationship? Will your decision be one that makes you proud?

You need to do what is best for *you*. Do not let yourself be pressured into anything.

 

Work Up to It

Don't just go in to kiss someone you haven't even touched before. Read all of the to build up the comfort level between you two. When you kiss you don't want her nervous about your hand on her arm, before you even get your lips near her!

 

Set a Relaxed Scene

You´re going to probably be nervous the first time just because it *is* the first time. Plan the surrounding time and situation to be as comforting as possible. Do it somewhere quiet, not the doorstep of your date's house! Make sure no little brothers or sisters or friends are running around. Give yourself time so you're not rushed. If you are comfortable, everything else becomes that much better.

 

Stay Comfortable

A key thing to keep in mind as your relationship progresses is that it should always be COMFORTABLE. This should be someone you can tell all your thoughts to, that accepts you for YOU and isn't trying to change you. So as you go from just talking to hand-holding to hugging and more, these shouldn't be sudden, scary, threatening changes. They should be changes that you both are comfortable with and both enjoy.

Here are some ways to stay comfortable:

 

Start with Casual Touch

Every person has 'personal space' around them that they are trained from birth to respect. If you went into a room and someone strange walked up to you and stood right against you, touching you, while they talked to you, you'd feel upset and uncomfortable. So the first stage in a relationship is to get through that personal space issue - feel comfortable in each other's space.

To do this, start getting closer, gradually. If you're sitting on a bench seat together, don't leave a giant gap! Sit next to the person. Don't mash into them, but be gently against them, that this is an OK and normal thing for you two to touch. Don't make a big deal out of it. The aim is to slowly get both of you used to the touch-is-ok idea.

Touch while Flirting

Touch is a key part of flirting! When you come by to say hello, touch the person on the arm or shoulder (or whatever's near) to get their attention and say hello. If you see an eyelash on their cheek, reach over and brush it away gently. Make touch an "ok" part of your relationship, to build along to future touching!

The Cold-Weather Gambit

This is a cliche now because it's so overused. But forget your jacket or sweater sometime. Any excuse to wear each other's jackets or to wrap your arms around each other to "keep warm" is a good one It's a perfectly reasonable request - you don't want to be cold! But the results are quite nice too!

Move to Hugging Goodbye

Hugs are non-threatening once you're already used to touching each other casually. So the next time you say goodbye for a long period of time - say a week vacation or even just a weekend - give a quick hug goodbye. Nothing long and serious. Remember, you're sort of "training your body" to think of these things as normal and comfortable. Just a friendly "I'll miss you." The more natural it gets to be, the better! Don't rush through any of these stages, savor each one, and how special it is. The more you enjoy each stage, the better they are!

 

Keep Expectations Reasonable

Media gives us HUGE expectations for the first time. There will be bells ringing, fireworks exploding. Remember, this is a personal expression between just you two. Truly learning to please each other will evolve over a lifetime. The first time is just the first step - in hopefully a long series of steps bringing you closer together.

 

First Kiss - General Hints

How do I kiss him/her for the first time?

*Softly and slowly. You don´t want to bump faces on your first time out. A sweet brush of lips feels good whether it´s your first time or your hundred and first time.

*Remember that a kiss is a very sensory act. You´ll be close enough to breath the person in, to feel their skin against yours. Side note - be sure you showered earlier!

*Relax!

*Be aware of your partner. Is he/she leaning in or holding back waiting for you to move? If they´re leaning in, you can gently lay one hand against their cheek and lean to meet their lips.

*Begin with your lips closed. Keep it soft and light. Leave the fancy stuff for later on - the first kiss is about savoring the *moment* of how special it is that you are now at the kiss.

First Kiss - Specific Instructions

First, everybody kisses differently. And everybody likes to be kissed differently! So your true aim is to find out what style YOU enjoy, and then what style your MATE enjoys and how to meld the two. Some like gentle kisses. Some like passionate kisses. Some like dry kisses. Some like wet, sloppy kisses.

Your first kisses should be slow, langorous, gentle. They're a progression from the hug, and a way of furthering the touch in a more intimate way. You should already be comfortable with the hug with this person, and comfortable standing close face to face. So now the only 'new' thing you're introducing is the kiss. When you're near the person (standing or sitting) and ready for the kiss, it's good to start with a cheek-kiss. That's an "innocent kiss" and a "you're special" move. Either the boy OR the girl can do this. Squeezing his/her hand at the same time is another way of saying "you're special". You can see if your partner likes this, or feels uncomfortable. If they're uncomfortable, no big deal, just stay at that level until the comfort comes back again, maybe in a few days or a week or two.

 

But let's say you both enjoy the cheek-kiss and are ready for more. You already have the "it's ok to kiss" mentality down now, which is good. So now instead of going for the cheek, go for the lips. Again, be soft. Press your lips gently against your partner's, and savor the sensation of their skin against your own. Just hold it for a few moments, then release.

Once you're comfortable with the basic kiss, you can move on to other styles!

 

Kissing Basics

There is NO right or wrong way to kiss. Every person kisses differently. And everybody likes to be kissed differently! So your true aim is to find out what style YOU enjoy, and then what style your MATE enjoys and how to meld the two. Some like gentle kisses. Some like passionate kisses. Some like dry kisses. Some like wet, sloppy kisses. If your last girlfriend said you were an awful kisser, it just means you weren't her style. Your next girlfriend could think you are a FABULOUS kisser, even if you kiss in exactly the same way.

 

FOCUS on the person you are kissing. You shouldn't be distracted or absent minded or humming a song. The person you're kissing will want to feel like this kiss is really special.

Also, hopefully it goes without saying, brush your teeth and gargle! You want VERY fresh breath if someone is going to up near it. Don't put on lots of gloss or lipstick. The kiss shouldn't be gooey, it should be skin on skin.

 

Start with the Cheek

When you're near the person (standing or sitting) and ready for the kiss, it's good to start with a cheek-kiss. That's an "innocent kiss" and a "you're special" move. Either the boy OR the girl can do this. Squeezing his/her hand at the same time is another way of saying "you're special". You can see if your partner likes this, or feels uncomfortable. If they're uncomfortable, no big deal, just stay at that level until the comfort comes back again, maybe in a few days or a week or two.

 

Move On to the Lips

If you've done the cheek kiss first like you should have, you've already shown your partner that "it's ok to kiss". Think of it as training you both to learn new behaviors So Kissing is Good. Now you're just changing your kissing method. Instead of going for the cheek, go for the lips.

Again, be soft. Your first lip kisses should be slow, langorous, gentle, with a closed mouth. Press your lips gently against your partner's, and savor the sensation of their skin against your own. Just hold it for a few moments, then release. Always show how much you enjoy these steps, with a smile or a sigh. Your partner will always be nervous about "did I do that well enough?" Show them that they did, so they are encouraged to do it again!

 

Close Mouthed to Open Mouthed

The first big step in kissing progression is to go from the normal 'hello/goodbye' closed-mouthed kiss to an open-mouthed kiss. You do this with your tongue. When you're close-mouthed kissing in a quiet, relaxed area, now tickle your tongue against their lips. Do it in a gentle, teasing way, as if you're saying "Hello ... let me in ..." Eventually slide your tongue gently into your partner's mouth, just a little. Do little, gentle experimentive probes. Your partner will be wondering, "What will happen next?" You want that to be an exciting thing, not a nervous thing. So go slowly. Tickle your partner's lip, and then tongue. Now draw your partner's tongue into your own mouth.

 

French Kissing

French Kissing is the more erotic style of open mouthed kissing. It is in essense kissing that brings to mind parts of the full sex act, so thereforeeee is very arousing because of the mental images it causes. Either the guy or girl can do this. First, take your tongue and make slow, gentle circles around your partner's tongue. Go slowly at first, then more and more quickly. Then plunge your tongue down along your partner's tongue, sliding down it until your tongue is fully extended. Do that one or two times, then slowly slide your tongue back out and start with the gentle circling again.

 

Your Hands

You don't want your hands to be all over creation during this kind of kissing - it's distracting!! There's plenty of time to do hand stuff later on. Right now you're doing amazing things with your tongue and you want that to be the focus. Your tongue can be MUCH more erotic than your hands could be. So keep your hands up around their head, cupping the back of their head, rubbing along their necks and shoulders, running it thorugh their hair, pulling their back so they are pressed into you. The more you focus the attention solely on your mouth and tongue, the stronger the impact will be.

 

When you're Done

Don't run off! Your partner is probably thinking, "That was great, what does he/she think?" You want to leave a POSITIVE impression. Pull back slowly. Look into your partner's eyes. Smile. Sigh. Don't laugh, even if you're nervous. Think of a calm after a storm, and just murmur something encouraging like "wow" or "that was *nice*" or just the person's name.

 

Overview:

Set the scene. Make sure that the mood and time are right.

Relax! Take a deep breath and let go of any tension in your neck and shoulders.

Put your arms around the person you want to kiss.

Start off with a normal kiss, not too firm, not too aggressive. Closing your eyes is optional.

In mid kiss, gently open your mouth and softly nudge the other persons mouth open using your tongue.

Again, not too aggressively, move your tongue inside the other persons mouth and playfully touch their tongue.

Read the other persons body language, if they seem tense or start to pull away, stop what you are doing.

If they open their mouth more or otherwise indicate they like the kiss, keep on doing what you have been only with a little more passion.

As the kissing gets going saliva build up can be a problem, don't forget to swallow.

Make sure you keep your tongues relaxed but your lips tight (saliva again), you don't want the kiss to turn messy.

 

Extra Tips:

Don't forget to breathe.

Since French Kissing is "wetter" than other kinds of kissing it is a good idea to start with dry lips, don't lick them first.

If one of you have braces you can still French Kiss, you just have to be more careful and not as forceful when things get passionate.

If both of you wear braces you can still French Kiss, you just have to be very gentle and avoid touching teeth.

French Kissing takes practice, but at least it is fun to practice this one!

 

Ok, luck every1

Happy Heb

[amilasiu]

good guide, wish i read something like this at the beginning of my french kissing career!!!

 

just small addition: everyone has their own style of kissing. So, to save yourself time and hit-or-miss, why not ask them what they like? i.e. lots of tongue, hard - soft, etc.

 

Happy kissing!

[Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb]

lol like your tactic man

 

Hav fun

 

Happy Heb

[The Captain]

Thank you so much for posting that

[Shinobie]

thanks for posting something that it seems like your a great person that likes to give tips to us lost youngins .

[j.dot]

lol~

that was a GREAT guide~ lol.. thanx!

hugz n k'z,

Jo~

[EmmaB]

thats brill!!!! thnx a bunch!!! 8)

 

xxx emma xxx

[ComputerGuy]

When me and my g/f first started kissing she was the first girl I'd ever kissed. As I learnt shed just say to me, "you know what feels real good, when you do this....", and then she'd explain it and then we'd practice it. It was good fun and we both worked out a style we liked ALOT together

[psipro]

ComputerGuy:

 

Its great that you and your g/f can talk about it!

[ComputerGuy]

Thanx, U'd be amazed at just how good the communication is between us

[Buzzworthy]

*Cracks open a Guinness*

 

Brilliant!

[Roffler]

Just a comment on kissing in general, as this guide covers pretty much the whole topic. There are open mouth kisses that do not involve the tongue, and there is nothing wrong with using them. More oft than not, I find people, for lack of a better word, abuse french kissing and make it almost habitual, which really starts to ruin the fun of kissing and the relationship in the long run, from my perspective it seems.

 

Just thought I'd share.

[i_hate_the_world47]

Thanx for the post.It helps loads.

 

~Meagan~

[Tombo123]

This guide has really been helpful.. i won't be getting much experience right now, but I hope I'm lucky when I move on to College.. Been a while for me so kissing hasn't been the last thing i've been doing right now..

BTW how long did it take for you to write all that up? Must have taken ages.. but well worth it though!! Thanks alot!

[hello-I-am-me]

wow thnx that was a really good guide!