tattoobunnie Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Hi. I just had my third fun and great date with someone. We were getting a little chummy exchanging some past relationship info, and he told me he's not into dating multiple women at a time. While we got pretty much drunk on Saturday, he felt bad and didn't think we should have sex because of that fact. The next morning we had breakfast, shared that we both had a great time, and I went home. Later on, we exchanged a few funny texts. I went on the dating site we met on, and was browsing at his profile. He took out the part of what he was looking for in a woman, and honestly, it was less revealing than before. I mean, I don't mind that he's poking around on there...we're not exclusive yet. And heck, I'm poking around on there. But my question is, considering he kinda updated his profile, does it mean that he's not too interested in me? Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Less revealing, as in more vague, like lowering his standards? Link to comment
TheSmilingTurnip Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 It doesn't mean anything. It just means he's still poking around on there, just like you are. My husband, when we first met, still updated his dating profile here and there. Yet, here we are, married. So it doesn't really mean much. I would also say don't get too obsessed. Whenever you start thinking about what that means, redirect your thoughts to something else, or you could waste a lot of energy. Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted January 19, 2009 Author Share Posted January 19, 2009 Really SmilingTurnip? Oh... Not vague like lowering his standards...more like took out that whole section of what he wanted in a woman. Link to comment
TheSmilingTurnip Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Really SmilingTurnip? Oh... Not vague like lowering his standards...more like took out that whole section of what he wanted in a woman. Really really. Them updating their profile means nothing except that they updated it. That's all it means. We can't read minds. God didn't give us that ability for a reason. So let's not try. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 All it means is that he is still keeping his options open as are you. His way of changing his profile seems to be to try to broaden his options although he is not trying to make himself seem more attractive as in adding better pictures, etc. I agree that he's probably just poking around and you have the right attitude that three dates and no "talk" is still very early and casual. I would suggest that if you are truly interested in getting to know him as a person that you avoid getting drunk on these early dates. Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted January 19, 2009 Author Share Posted January 19, 2009 Actually we have tons in common from things we like to do, to weird idiosyncrasies, common goals and a similar goofy sense of humor. We even are in the same boat of relationships were we both got out of one a few months ago, but have no desire to be with them again...and oddly enough drive similar cars in the same color. Hahahha...so weird, two peas in a pod. Though, I'm still in the newness jitters...which is new to me...I'm use to jumping in, not the whole courting process. He's a gentlemen...from what I see so far. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Actually we have tons in common from things we like to do, to weird idiosyncrasies, common goals and a similar goofy sense of humor. We even are in the same boat of relationships were we both got out of one a few months ago, but have no desire to be with them again...and oddly enough drive similar cars in the same color. Hahahha...so weird, two peas in a pod. Though, I'm still in the newness jitters...which is new to me...I'm use to jumping in, not the whole courting process. He's a gentlemen...from what I see so far. Yes, that's probably true and you'll know a whole lot more after getting to know him over a period of time - my only suggestion was that you try to do that sober as much as possible. Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted January 19, 2009 Author Share Posted January 19, 2009 Well we spent the whole day together on saturday, just ended the night with a whole lot of booze. We were having fun, and got carried away. Though, he's probably the first I'm met that isn't on me like white on rice even after getting a bit frisky together. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Well we spent the whole day together on saturday, just ended the night with a whole lot of booze. We were having fun, and got carried away. Though, he's probably the first I'm met that isn't on me like white on rice even after getting a bit frisky together. Ok - we can agree to disagree on the drinking part. Have fun! Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted January 19, 2009 Author Share Posted January 19, 2009 No...I know what you mean about not getting sloppy. My slight touch insecurity came from my last ex who while we were officially and in a serious relationship, he let this one on-line profile auto-renew. And instead of letting the women who wrote him know he was off the market and thanks, he wrote them back, including his phone number, and asking them to call him. While I know most guys aren't shady, and I don't think this new dude is...was just curious if the profile update meant something. With some of the responses on here, it seems to be nothing to worry about. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 I think the only way you will know for sure is if you continue to have more dates w ith him. IF he suddenly kind of winds down on communication then he isn't interested and looking for someone else. The thing with getting drunk and not sleeping with you - that could mean one of two things. One, he realized he shouldn't have drank and thus did the right thing, or two, was not so drunk to not realize he didn't want to sleep with you. I have no idea which is closer to the truth. I agree with batya - on early dates don't get drunk and if the person you are dating decides to on their own I'd take it as a bad sign. Maybe not a deal breaker, but it certainly could be. Did you stay all night at his place or your place with him? How did you guys arrive at this arrangement? Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 No...I know what you mean about not getting sloppy. My slight touch insecurity came from my last ex who while we were officially and in a serious relationship, he let this one on-line profile auto-renew. And instead of letting the women who wrote him know he was off the market and thanks, he wrote them back, including his phone number, and asking them to call him. While I know most guys aren't shady, and I don't think this new dude is...was just curious if the profile update meant something. With some of the responses on here, it seems to be nothing to worry about. When someone is still paying for a site they probably aim to use it even if they had a few dates with someone else. Even if it is working out three dates is too early to know if it will cement into longterm. I think it a better investment of your money to continue looking and not put all eggs in one basket. I am sure you do the same as in you probably still check the site and read your emails. Who knows why he modified his profile but it isn't necessarily a sign of no interest. A sign of no interest will be if the communications slow down and then eventually cease. Definitely watch his drinking to see if his getting drunk when he goes out is his norm or not. The fact that he wasn't all over you could be due to one of the two reasons I listed in last post - he isn't sexually attracted or did the right thing and decided not to do it. Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted January 19, 2009 Author Share Posted January 19, 2009 Yeah, thanks for the point...I should really be gaging by our interactions, and not with what he does on a profile. The date, we were suppose to go to a museum that afternoon, and the cold water wasn't working in his kitchen, and he got nervous about a pipe bursting, so instead, we hung closer to home, then went to a movie, then went to a restaurant known for its wine selection. We both got drunk, the first time after two pretty much sober dates, and thought it best I stayed over---no drinking and driving since I lived a half hour away. Then as he was getting pajamas for me, somehow he managed to get all my clothes off, he took off all his, which in hindsight is funny, cuz it seemed to do it lightning fast. Then after a bit of hooking up, he said he was feeling bad about us being drunk, and that we shouldn't have sex. I agreed. And we both fell asleep naked together with no additional shenanigans even the next morning. We've emailed today about checking the museum another day, but no concrete plans made. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 It sounds like from the words you chose that you see your role in this as mostly passive - you got drunk because the restaurant offered various wines, "somehow" your clothes came off - I would suggest changing your mindset so that when you see him again you know you are 100% responsible for your own choices -- I think that will help you have a better shot at developing your relationship with him. Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted January 19, 2009 Author Share Posted January 19, 2009 What? We kept drinking cuz it was fun. I think you're getting off the subject...you sound pretty jaded from a bunch of drunks you've maybe dated in the past...I don't know if he's "the one" yet, I'm more concerned about having fun, instead of acting like someone else, or a giant prude. I just wanted to know if updating his profile meant anything. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 What? We kept drinking cuz it was fun. I think you're getting off the subject...you sound pretty jaded from a bunch of drunks you've maybe dated in the past...I don't know if he's "the one" yet, I'm more concerned about having fun, instead of acting like someone else, or a giant prude. I just wanted to know if updating his profile meant anything. I have never been drunk and have been out with several men who got drunk on dates - sometimes it was fun, sometimes not. Not jaded in the least - to the contrary I had mostly good experiences dating and for the most part I was treated with respect and like a lady. I tend to think it is potentially dangerous for a woman to get drunk with a man she barely knows and then go back to his place. I've certainly been in potentially dangerous situations and it's not fun, to say the least. I think it is on topic because you are wondering about his level of interest and, whether it's fair or not, many men get turned off by a woman who chooses to get drunk and hook up that early on in a relationship. If you define fun as getting drunk and hooking up (and see the choice not to hook up as being a "prude") then of course you should be yourself, have fun and accept the downside that this might be a turn off, just like some men will be turned off by a woman who chooses not to get drunk and hook up on the third date. It's not really clear to me then why you care about his level of interest - as long as he is interested in seeing you again and having fun again that would make you happy, right? That doesn't require the intense interest of "I see potential for something serious" and it certainly doesn't require him being inactive on a dating site - he can have a blast with you one night, and a blast with someone else another night, just like you can. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 What? We kept drinking cuz it was fun. I think you're getting off the subject...you sound pretty jaded from a bunch of drunks you've maybe dated in the past...I don't know if he's "the one" yet, I'm more concerned about having fun, instead of acting like someone else, or a giant prude. I just wanted to know if updating his profile meant anything. NOthing wrong with having fun on a date, but what batya is saying is clothes don't just cmoe off, and drinks don't keep getting poured on their own. There is a chance he might be thinking perhaps you too easily let him take your clothes off. Who knows? Some guys have this double standard very alive and well in their head. They think if you allowed it so easy with him maybe you do with other guys> they don't think about perhaps they also were acting that way. The message batya is sending, and myself, is that only you control your actions on a date. Not the guy you are seeing, not the wine, and no other outside force. You chose to have the drinks, get drunk and then think it was funny how quickly he got your clothes off. I for instance am NOT a prude, love to have a great time, but would not find it very funny that a drunk man on date three got my clothes off that fast. Again, the message here is you have complete control of your actions on a date. These actions could have very well sent a negative message to him...and yes, i know it is a double standard. Knowing that double standards exist doesn't make them less prominent in the minds of some men. He could easily have also been testing you. Some men have it in their head that the girl for them longterm won't get naked so quickly.....the reason i think this even moreso is how he didn't have sex with you despite his actions to get this forward. This might not be the case, but there is the possibility that this is what happened and why he updated his profile. Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted January 19, 2009 Author Share Posted January 19, 2009 Hmm...interesting points. Guess I'm so use to past long-term relationships that were physical early on. I wouldn't call you prude because you both don't get drunk on dates...I'm saying I'd rather act like myself. Do what you feel comfortable with. But yes...even though we've been talking everyday for almost two months, I can see your point him having rules of his own. Anyway, now that I've asked you all about his profile, not too worried about it now. It could mean anything. He just asked me for the 4th date a few minutes ago. So I'll just let things flow, and keep my pants on! Ha! Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 There is nothing wrong with doing what you feel is being yourself on a date, but it is in your best interest to always consider that 1) sometimes early on in dating it is best to project your best self forward and somethings are better left for dates that occur after you have already established exclusivity with a person and that 2) even if you believe in one type of behavior, there is the chance that the person you are dating is turned off by it. If the second one does occur, no harm no foul, you just get to figure out earlier that there might not be compatibility present and you don't put too much too soon into the relationship. Good luck on the date! His actions will eventually give you all of your answers about his intentions. Link to comment
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