"Friends," but not really. I am interested in more, but am confused.

[AlfieKohn]

UPDATE: After the dinner with my parents, which went well, I ended up getting a little tipsy and telling her that I felt weird about our interactions, and was wondering if she felt awkward about everything. I told her, "Instead of these pseudo-dates we have, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't considered asking you on a real date sometime," to which she replied, "We had better keep it to friend dates, wouldn't want to blur that line. Besides, you have made it clear to me on a few occasions that you just want to be friends, and so I have trusted that is the case." So I played along and told her, "Yes, I just want to be friends, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't giving you a different impression."

 

I told her that sometimes I am unsure of my intentions towards her and know I make it seem ambiguous, and she said, "Either way it is sweet." I told her I felt weird for bringing it up, and she said "Don't feel weird." But I do. Partially it's because this girl has said to me that it's "not like guys are wanting to date her," and then I go and imply interest and she's not interested. That makes it hurt doubly so, as it makes me feel like I'm "not good enough" for her. The best analogy I can think of is "bringing a carton of milk to someone dying of thirst, and then having them refuse it because it's one day past its expiration date." That's how I feel.

 

I understand how all this would be a silly response on my part if this girl wasn't a good friend of mine, but I think that's what is making it so hard. She is a big part of my life, I have to see her pretty much every day, and I don't know how to deal with that. Besides, while she and I are "good friends" on the surface, it's not like this girl is such a good friend to me in practice. She isn't very emotive or expressive, so she doesn't ask me to hang out or initiate contact on a regular basis or want to do stuff with me. Why should I keep doing the same for her?

 

I feel like such an idiot. Clearly the girl isn't interested in anything more than "pseudo-friendship" with me, but I didn't come out and say I was interested, and do it properly, face-to-face, like adults. I let the alcohol get to me and I did it in an immature fashion, and not fully at that, because I was afraid.

 

And now I've blown it with this girl, and I feel that she led me on to some degree, and I have no idea what to do, because I really want to start ignoring her, but I know that's not the mature thing to do either. I just am very hurt.

[LE DHUY NHUT]

Start ignoring her now...you might be surprised what happens if you do.

[AlfieKohn]

Start ignoring her now...you might be surprised what happens if you do.

 

Do I really want to to this, or is it just a cop out? The girl hasn't done anything to me, really.

[top bloke]

Bulldust!!! Your cards are on the table...Your dilemma has finished. There is nothing nicer than telling someone you care about what you are feeling. Hold your head up high mate. You had the courage to do it. She would have had you stringing along for alot longer if she is like that.Shes a big flirt !! Indeed...sharing ice creams..then looking at you in the eye..who does she thinks she is? Demote her mate.I would not talk to her ever again!! What a time waster!! Sorry man..

Shes not the only woman in the world!!

[AlfieKohn]

The issue is I know this girl cares about me as a friend. I know that's the case, because she hasn't been avoiding me, and has been trying to be nice. I have to see her everyday, remember. We are int he same social circle. This girl was my friend before I became interested in her.

[top bloke]

The issue is I know this girl cares about me as a friend. I know that's the case, because she hasn't been avoiding me, and has been trying to be nice. I have to see her everyday, remember. We are int he same social circle. This girl was my friend before I became interested in her.

 

I understand young mate.Don't feel bad about it. You have done the right thing..Any other reasonable single guy would have though similar to yourself..peace to you mate..

[LE DHUY NHUT]

The issue is I know this girl cares about me as a friend. I know that's the case, because she hasn't been avoiding me, and has been trying to be nice. I have to see her everyday, remember. We are int he same social circle. This girl was my friend before I became interested in her.

 

Well then you will continue to suffer and pine away if you keep in contact.Making a move on a friend changes everything......it's never the same.It's a risk you take.

[stella74]

AlfieKohn, I realize you were tipsy and acting in the moment, but I really don't think you two have handled this well at all. The way I see it, neither of you can be straightforward. So it's best to let things go.

 

I still think there's a possibility that she likes you as more than a friend and is trying to save face. She says she trusted you that you only wanted to be friends. In the meantime, she's not really being up front with you, and that's why you're feeling she's leading you on. You aren't clear either. First you say you considered dating her. Then you went back to stating you only wanted to be friends. I think it's a case of inexperience and poor communication more than anything - on both of your parts. That's the best case scenario. In the worst case scenario, she's manipulating you for your attention.

 

You can't change her behavior or make her a better communicator. All you can do is change yourself. So you can either keep up the pretend game you have going on of just being friends, when you really like her, or you can change. You can change by communicating more directly. You can do that by telling her that you DON'T just want to be friends, that you DO want to date her, and since she doesn't feel the same way you can't hang out with her as "just friends".

 

If that's too scary, then you can simply be honest with yourself. If you really do like her as more than a friend, and it will hurt too much to be around her if you're not dating, be kind to yourself and stop torturing yourself. You don't need to be close friends just because you're in the same social group. You can hang out in groups casually and that's it.

 

In either case, you're going to have to stand up for yourself. That's going to be your next challenge. It may feel safe to stay "friends" right now, but it will be more painful to you in the long run. It's your decision.