First date. He talked about himself.

[bluexin99]

We went on our first date yesterday. He appeared to be really interested in me (i don't doubt that). Lots of eye-contact and lots of talking. He did most of the talking about himself. He told me his high school stories, particularly about his friends. E.g. them getting drunk and then getting violent.

 

Sure - he did ask me questions about me e.g. what kind of guys i like, what i do for leisure etc.. but upon reflection, those question/responses didn't even take up to 40% of our convo.

 

I've never been in a relationship before and this is my first "date" with a guy... so i wouldn't know what a guy is suppose to talk about with a girl to show that he's interested, especially on their first date.

 

Guys, if you were on your first date with a girl, do you tend to ask "get to know her" questions? (he did that, but then somehow he moved along and started talking about his experiences again). Yes, what the girl chooses to talk about with you is another story. But would you diverge your topics too far from "getting to know her"?

 

I understand he wants me to get to know him better but let's ignore this for now.

 

Any thoughts?

 

Thank you

[Cognitive_Canine]

My bf talked non-stop our first date. It was the nervousness.

 

Are you an assertive talker? Did you ask him questions? Maybe you need to chime in more and not talk about the past, but, have conversations. Work so that it is not him telling stories or you telling stories but more of both of you talking with each other and not to each other

[CluelessGuy321]

Probably trying to be social, but probably never read "How to Make Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie.

 

So he just spoke too much about what he knew most about - himself.

[bluexin99]

My bf talked non-stop our first date. It was the nervousness.

 

Are you an assertive talker? Did you ask him questions? Maybe you need to chime in more and not talk about the past, but, have conversations. Work so that it is not him telling stories or you telling stories but more of both of you talking with each other and not to each other

 

I believe i am an assertive talker but when it comes to him, he leads me on. This isn't the first time. We talk a lot on msn, and he usually talks about himself and his many stories. I guess i didn't ask him questions because i didn't want to interrupt him. He looked so happy/excited telling his stories. And after telling them, he would say "oh why am i telling you this on our first date... now you'll probably think that my friends are violent" etc. Pretty cute.

[JadedStar]

If you were talking about yourself 40% of the time with him that means you talked about yourself almost half the time. I don't think this is a bad percentage.

[bluexin99]

If you were talking about yourself 40% of the time with him that means you talked about yourself almost half the time. I don't think this is a bad percentage.

 

For the rest, we did talk about me, and we talked about our mutual friends, stuffs that happened at uni etc etc etc. It's only a rough approximation. To be flat out, i think i can count the questions he asked about me using one hand.

[JadedStar]

People - especially if they are nervous - talk about what they know. he knows himself better than anything else. I wouldn't take this as a negative at such an early stage.

 

Be very proactive in your conversations and learn how to steer it in other directions if he gets into a stalemate into a certain area.

[bluexin99]

People - especially if they are nervous - talk about what they know. he knows himself better than anything else.

 

We talked for 2-3 hours. Wouldn't he have been less nervous by then? I don't think it's his nervousness.

[CluelessGuy321]

If he keeps going on, and it gets tiring, it's your call.

[Cognitive_Canine]

We talked for 2-3 hours. Wouldn't he have been less nervous by then? I don't think it's his nervousness.

 

My bf was nervous as all heck for the first 3 dates.

 

And he's a confident kind of guy. Nervous people don't show it based on the fact that they are nervous all the time and have a lot of practice hiding it.

[JadedStar]

It was a first date. A million emails and IM's don't count as 'face time' when one meets a person for the first time.

[bluexin99]

If he keeps going on, and it gets tiring, it's your call.

 

So you don't think his 'going on and on' does not imply his lack of interest in me at all?

[JadedStar]

So you don't think his 'going on and on' does not imply his lack of interest in me at all?

 

IMO no, not if this was a first date....

[Xplode]

im confident!, and if you put me infront of a really pretty girl, give me a week or 2 to settle.

some guys just cant settle for a while

 

give it a few dates.. and base your opin on them,

[sff123]

i dont think you should take the 1st date as a measure of what the whole relationship will be. if you're interested you should continue dating him regardless of first impression

[Crush85]

Guys, if you were on your first date with a girl, do you tend to ask "get to know her" questions? (he did that, but then somehow he moved along and started talking about his experiences again). Yes, what the girl chooses to talk about with you is another story. But would you diverge your topics too far from "getting to know her"?

 

I understand he wants me to get to know him better but let's ignore this for now.

 

Any thoughts?

 

Thank you

 

I would try to keep the conversation as back and forth as possible. I think it's that simple.

[chocolates]

men always talk about themselves, they think they are in an interview.

[epsilon2x]

On a first date I generally don't ask to much about who they are or what they do. I try not to bore them with the "interview". I just try to have fun and spark some tension. Later on after we've had some fun together, the personal stuff will come out.

[D_Lish]

I agree with debaser....it was likely just nerves and we babble on about all sorts when nervous and to keep conversation flowing.

[D_Lish]

men always talk about themselves, they think they are in an interview.

 

Also true.....and men like us to know what a good catch they are....hence why some feel a need to brag about their material possessions. They like to impress.

[wmped]

Definitely nervousness. I do the same thing and it's a result of trying to impress your date. Next time you go out try asserting yourself more and don't let conversation get away from you. If he doesn't shut up long enough to listen lead him with a story or something he'd be eager to ask questions about. Also there's nothing wrong with just telling him to slow down!

[rbr85]

Talking too much, especially about one's self is a way to conceal one's own insecurities. He felt nervous, and that he had to win your approval. He's probably interested, maybe play a game of 20 questions or something to break the tension. If eventually he doesn't start inquiring into your own life, you might start to get the hint it's time to move on.

[ghost69]

better than him not talking i'd imagine.

[enchanted771]

My bf talked non-stop our first date. It was the nervousness.

 

Are you an assertive talker? Did you ask him questions? Maybe you need to chime in more and not talk about the past, but, have conversations. Work so that it is not him telling stories or you telling stories but more of both of you talking with each other and not to each other

 

I agree. I was nervous and didnt want any silence so i was yapping