27 and still shy?

[katerinacs]

Hi everyone, I am FREAKING OUT, because I really like this guy who I only see at school everyday but never had met or talked to

 

Well, I started finding out about him through other people that knew him, and everybody said that

1. He was a very nice guy

2. Very intelligent (he is a math grad student).

3. Very good christian

4. However, some people tell me that he has no common sense whatsoever.

5. Still plays XBox at 27 (not that it's bad),

6. And that he is not the promiscuous kind of guy. He is just a very nice guy.

 

Anyway, a friend of mine told him that there was a girl that liked him and he turned really curious, blushed, and really wanted to know who she was. I decided last week I had to talk to him, because the only thing he knew how to do was to pass in front of my office and give me the "look", but never tried to talk. Well, I talked to him out of the blue and he was REALLY nervous, he was looking everywhere and everyone but me and sometimes looked at me and talked normally, but didn't stop moving. The fact is that by this moment, he already knew that I'm the girl that likes him.

Anyway, we had a nice short conversation and haven't talked to him directly since then, but he always passes in front of my office and keeps looking at me, but suddenly runs away. Then, I see him in the halls and I say "hi", but I notice that he gets REALLY REALLY nervous and doesn't look at me WHATSOEVER, and takes some time to reply back, but eventually does. In addition to that, today I passed in front of his office and asked him a couple of questions but he kept looking at his book and only looked at me slightly and started covering his face with his cap... I mean WHAT IN THE WORLD?!? So now, I feel really stupid, I feel like he's avoiding me or something. Everybody tells me that he's not avoiding me, that he just might be shy and I should keep trying, but man, can someone be THIS SHY??!?! What did I do wrong? Am I intimidating him? I just want to know him!

 

I need help!!! Sorry for being so long

 

ChemE.

[mahlina]

Oh....I know what you mean...

 

I have a guy friend, who sounds just like him. He's so sweet, and very attractive. He's got the perfect chisled face, and sculpted body, devout christian, family man, and brought up in a family of 6 sisters. He's braniac, but still has the looks, and sense of humor. He has everything that exhibits the perfectly nice guy, but his drawback is his shyness. But it's so cute!

 

Every time he tries to talk to the girl he likes, he freaks out and does what your guy does. So, I don't think that his reaction is due to you, or your personality, it's just b/c he's extremely shy.

 

Until this day, that guy has not had a girlfriend. He has a nice job, bought a house for his parents, but goes home and plays video games all day, and hardly goes out. Shy guys are just like that. Just be patient with them. They're hard to get to know, but once they break out of their shell, they're a whole different person. It's like finding a gem within a treasure box.

 

Just be patient. Talk to him, and don't feel intimidated. My friend acts really impersonal to the girls that he likes, but he does't mean to. Good Luck though!

[tough_girl]

Oh dear! This guy is shy. I'm imagining him. Lol..

 

Well, what I guess that he's shy and not because he's avoiding you. If he wants to avoid you, I don't think he'll pass by your office, he'll rather take another route.

 

Maybe you should offer him a friendly environment like ' Hey, I'm like your friend. Don't be scared of me, I won't eat you up, will I?'. Let him know that no matter what he does, you won't laugh at him.

 

Other than that, I don't know what else to say. i hope this has helped.

[Chimaera]

Wow. Difficult question to answer. My first thought was 'shy', and I stand by that even after hearing he knew you liked him... But, yeah, it could possibly be that he plain isn't interested. I just doubt that. If I was in your shoes, I'd ask people if he was a shy person to begin with. If he was shy, he's probably shy; if he wasn't shy, he could still be shy now, knowing that you like him; and if he wasn't shy... well, that's a mighty strange thing for an un-shy person to do. I'd probably try to judge by his reactions; keep approaching him, but keep it light, and keep watching how he acts. If it really gets too confusing, you could always invite a group of your coworkers out and ask him (or ask someone else to ask him) to come along. That gets you in a different setting, and can give him a chance to get to know you - and the other way around.

[Balthamos]

Like though_girl, I'm imaging this guy...I know I've met someone just like him before...*looks in the mirror* oh, yeah, there he is.

 

He is definaltely very shy, and from your post, there is little doubt in my mind that he likes you alot. However, this sounds like the kind of shyness you're going to have to help him get over if you want this relationship to get off the ground. If he's as shy as he sounds, he may even be surprised that a girl likes him, especially one as wonderful as I'm sure you are. You need to help him baby-step into a relationship, the idea of inviting him out with a group of friends to help boost his confidence is great. Just be sure to take things slow and gentle, and be patient with him, and I'm sure he'll come around.

[adrenalyn-x]

This guy is definitely very shy, whether just around girls or people in general. It sounds like he is interested because why else would he keep walking past your office? The fact that he keeps doing that is saying that he wants to be near you, and is trying to make some kind of contact in his own way. Like tough_girl said, if he was trying to avoid you, he would be choosing another route, instead of passing your office.

 

Another reason why he gets all nervous while talking to you could be that he really really likes you. He is self-conscious and fears looking like a fool to you.

 

Don't worry, you have not done anything wrong. It's not that you are intimidating him - it's his shyness. All you can do is be patient, take things slowly, and eventually he will open up and relax around you. Make him laugh, loosen him up. Initially maybe be a little "shy" with him (during your conversations), so that he will feel more at ease.

 

Talk to him about things he is interested in, and find something you both have in common. Just make sure there are plenty of non-threatening opportunities for him to approach you when he feels comfortable to.

 

Hope it all works out

[ilinara]

I would say extremely shy and he likes you a lot. You will have to show him you are interested and step by step try to get closer. Do not turn him down in the slightest way, be open and accepting with whatever he comes up. I wish you patience and good luck!

[musicguy]

He sounds kind of like me...luckily, I've sort of gorwn out of my shyness and I'm doing a little but better. It sounds to me though like he's a very shy guy and now he knows you like him, I'm probably going to be a little bit shyer than he was before. Give him time and keep talking to him, he has t obust out of his shell sometime.

[pchellak]

I was just like him till i graduated from college, i spoke rarely unless i was spoken to. Then i moved to another country and i went deeper into my cave. Somehow i feared everyone especially the girls; i felt as though everyone was out there was trying to make fun of me. But once i started working, I had to change to survive in my job since i had to make presentations and stuff. In effect my social skills started improving too. But i am still shy at heart but not many people realize that now .

 

If i can change for the better i think anybody else can. Just be patient with him and try to make him feel good about himself. It is going to take time and effort but in the end it will be worth it.

[katerinacs]

Thank you all! I'll really try to be patient and be cool around him and make him feel comfortable. I'll let you know how it turns out! I appreciate your help! Thanks!

 

Kat.

[msgsmsgs]

I am like all the other shy guys in the previous replies, I would pretty much freeze up when I see the girl I really liked. And I usually play games instead of going out. But I'm comfortable with parties and stuff. (as long as I can find a few people to talk to).

 

Luckily the girl I liked (we worked together) didn't seemed interested in me at first, so I got enough courage to talk a little to her at the beginning, this went on for the next 2.5 yrs, finally this XMas she asked me to come to her friend's cocktail party, I accepted immediately and thought it's sort of a date. I end up monopolizing her entire night, and she saw a side of me that no one suspected. She liked it enough she accepted a movie date with me a few days later, she actually blew off a guy friend's invite to dinner to be with me. I may look shy, quiet, sweet and innorcent, but she found the gem that was hidden inside. I'm happy to say we're BF & GF now (only after 2 months).

The shy guys will always surprise you!

 

Advise for the girls, find out if he's comfortable in a party/crowd, then invite him to a cocktail party, find a quiet spot and talk to him, it just might surprise you!

Basically give him an opening, shy guys are too chickshit to ask girls on a first date!

[YakasJourney]

From what you said it sounds like you both have a lot in common. So there's at least a chance of a relationship. Are you accepting of his shyness? Or maybe you haven't gotten to know someone very shy before. All you need is the right line to assuage his fears. You could say things like:

 

-isn't this funny, all this set up, the only way to end would be to go on a date?

-you don't have to be scared of me, trust me (reveal one of your own problems to him, we all have insecurities, he's just bad at hiding them)

-tell him, it's okay to just try to be friends, no expectations.

 

Think about it, all the expectations generated by the "setting up" process, it's really hard for some people to deal with.

 

And every person does it. Even you yourself, the original poster, are building up expectations--the evidence, that you are so concerned and off put by his shyness. You are expecting that he will be the same way in a relationship as he is now. But you can't know that yet, it's an expectation.