Don't want to go back...need some support/strength

[spritey]

Hello Folks,

 

First post. Found myself surfing for distraction and found this and had to join. So here goes. I was seeing D on and off since July 03, mostly on. First he professed love and commitment, then he decided he wanted to date others and date me. I left, then I came back..and 9 days ago I broke it off for good.

 

I know I did the right thing but I am missing him terribly and today being V-day isn't helping. I feel like I am sixteen rather than almost 40 right now. Any suggestions on moving on?

 

 

 

spritey

[tough_girl]

I really think you did the right thing. A man who is not loyal is not what you want. Imagine if you two were married and he wants to have other wifes too. It's better to break it off early. When you think about the further problems, you'll feel more relieved.

 

Other things you could do is:

1. Go for sports

2. Lose yourself in a nice book or something

3. Concrentrate on something else like working and etc

5. Whatever you think is good fro you except those that damage your health like alcohol, drugs and etc.

 

No man is worth your tears and the one that is will not make you cry.

[Michael2]

Hey Spritey,

 

There are many like yourself on this board.

 

You are lost, and you are missing that special individual, even though he has hurt you in the past.

 

My only advice to you, is to allow time to heal your heart.

 

I suggest whatever pictures, presents, things like that; you put away in a box. I dont suggest burning them or anything like that, but throw them into a box and put them away somewhere.

 

One trick that helped me work past all the pain was by writing . I wrote tons of letters to her, pouring my heart out. BUT, I NEVER MAILED THEM TO HER. That is the most important part, don't send them.

 

Another thing that may help is that you should cry whenever you have the urge. Dont let it stay in your heart. God gave us the gift of love, but he always gave us the blessing to cry. Crying helps rid us of the pain. It maybe be temporary relief, but it helps, trust me.

 

But overall, the only thing you have on your side right now is TIME.

 

WEll best of luck, hang in there! Okay?

 

Do not contact him either, it will only pull at your heart!!!

[spritey]

Thank you for the responses. That was quick! Let's see...I am a very busy person, work 40 hrs a week have a few hobbies. I have been writing poetry for years and this break-up has increased that tenfold. I am an amatuer genealogist...busy busy but still he creeps in my thoughts.

 

I know DONT CALL. I did last time, I won't again. It is just odd...I have been married twice and I didn't feel this awful when they ended. ACK..anyway thanks for the support.

[spritey]

Ok, it's been 12 days...not long but hey I have not contacted him. He contacted me today via email to ask about a book I loaned him. Then he made some cryptic statement at the end about "touching hearts beyond words" in reference to us.

 

Is there some script they all use? (never leave them alone long enough to heal) This has put me back almost to where I was the day we split and all it was is an email.

 

 

[Michael2]

Oh the old but simple ploy. I have this and that of yours, lets get together or somehow arrange to get our things back from eachother.

 

God, dont you hate that crap, I know I do.

 

Bottom line is, you are a victim of fishing. He is baiting and hooking you.

 

Dont respond to him, if you have dotn stress.

 

If messed up big time. This whole space, I want to date non sense is absolutely hurtful to those whom you tell it to. Unfortunately this is the world we live in. Sucks doesnt it.

 

He made is bed, make him lay in it. Dont play these games with him. You will continue to fall over and over and over again. Its not worth it in the end. It hurts I know, been there! If I had to do it all over again, I would have done things so much different. Love is complicated, but it should never be THIS complicated. Dont contact him, please!!!!!

[spritey]

Well, I did respond...and he called and gave me some song and dance about having a "weak moment" and that it won't happen again. I told him "good, you can mail me the book, take care" and I hung up. Truth is, hearing him consider contacting me a weak moment when it was his decisions that led to this break up...really hurts and just puts me back to feeling that I am inadequate. In my lucid moments I know I am not inadequate but they seem to be few and far between lately.

 

Thanks for the support...I needed to vent so I just did it here. I am feeling like a major idiot right now. Any more emails I am deleting without opening. I almost deleted the one he sent but I just had to see what it was.........grrrrrrrrrrr how can I be as old as I am and so stupid?

 

s.

[greeneyes]

My divorce from my husband of 6 years was just final a few weeks ago. I have found that going out with friends really helps me a lot. It is easy to think about him and feel sorry for yourself when you are at home alone. Even if you don't feel like going out, make yourself do it. You'll be glad you did.

[spritey]

Thanks for the suggestion greeneyes...sorry for your loss and I hope things are looking better for you.

 

I would go out with friends and have been doing the lunch dinner thing but most of my friends are coupled, either married or deeply involved. It is hard at this point to watch people together. I know that is childish but it is just my truth at the moment.

 

Planned a full weekend with my daughter so I wouldn't be home to think and she just backed out on me. I am not angry, she is almost 17, who wants to hang out with their mom when there is so much else going on out there? ah well.

 

spritey