D_Lish Posted December 26, 2008 Share Posted December 26, 2008 My sis met a guy online few months ago. She's met him once and recently and he keeps promising he will see her soon....and it's a month since she last saw him. Kinda odd for someone who says he is keen to meet again. But anyway, I frequent the site they met each other on and I know who the guy is. He still frequents the site, because I see him online. Out of curiosity I'd checked his profile. On his profile he has written, 'Once bitten and twice shy'. Certainly not once bitten and twice shy because of my sis.,.....because she is well into him and hasn't hurt him in any way, shape or form. So I'm assuming that despite having met my sis, he's still playing around online and I'm afraid my sis is gonna get hurt by him. Best laugh is, he maintains a regular and consistant contact with my sis, promises they will meet soon, asks her what she would like to do when they next meet...yet its obvious he's messing her around. I suspect my sis is his 'back up' girl.....he's keeping her on the sidelines, obviously because another female on that site aint reciprocating his advances, hence the 'once bitten, twice shy' line....and he's using my sis, for if all fails with this other female. He aint meeting my sis yet and because he's wanting to see how it pans out with this other female who has caught his eye ...? Am I right in thinking this, do you think? I'm unsure if my sis has seen what he has written of late and I don't want to worry her if it's just my mind working overtime. But I don't want to see her hurt! Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted December 26, 2008 Share Posted December 26, 2008 I don't know about the "once bitten, twice shy" thing but the fact that he hasn't seen her while promising to is suspicious. How far away is he? Link to comment
D_Lish Posted December 26, 2008 Author Share Posted December 26, 2008 I don't know about the "once bitten, twice shy" thing but the fact that he hasn't seen her while promising to is suspicious. How far away is he? Hi Debaser, hope you had a good christmas He is an hour away. He tells her he doesn't have the cash to come and see her at the minute, but from what she has told me, he's keeping in touch regular and tells her that as soon as he has the funds, he will come up to see her. I just think that if someone is 'into' you, they wouldn't leave it a month to see you again. As for the 'once bitten, twice shy'....well that is something I'd write, if someone had burned me. Why write it otherwise?? And from what my sis says, they are getting along fine....so he's obviously not meaning her by it. I think he's taking her for a fool, while messing around. I know they have had only had one date...but still. If he's chatting too and getting involved with other woman, he aint all that into my sis....and I feel he should be straight with her, rather than lead her into thinking, there is more there, than there actually is. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted December 26, 2008 Share Posted December 26, 2008 An hour? That's about 10 bucks in gas. And probably even less in the UK since you can travel by underground, I am guessing? Poor excuse. He sounds like he likes your sister just not that much. As the old saying goes, "he's just not that into her". So, I'd tell your sister to just not give him as much attention. Keep other guys in mind and don't put all her eggs in one basket, since he is doing the same to her. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted December 26, 2008 Author Share Posted December 26, 2008 An hour? That's about 10 bucks in gas. And probably even less in the UK since you can travel by underground, I am guessing? Poor excuse. He sounds like he likes your sister just not that much. As the old saying goes, "he's just not that into her". So, I'd tell your sister to just not give him as much attention. Keep other guys in mind and don't put all her eggs in one basket, since he is doing the same to her. Well undergound travel is mainly London, lol....no underground travel where he is based and where we are. It would cost him around £20 ($20) to get here by car....£10 ($10) more by train Thing is, he told her that he felt insecure about her being on this site.....yet he's on there prowling around and seemly for 'fresh' meat....hypocrit or what? He also has written on his profile, 'Please stop saying you have been with me, when you havn't, it isn't nice'.....again and obviously not directed at my sis. Think I will call her, spill the beans and tell her to rid herself of this doofus! Thanks for the input, really appreciated Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted December 26, 2008 Share Posted December 26, 2008 Well undergound travel is mainly London, lol....no underground travel where he is based and where we are. It would cost him around £20 ($20) to get here by car....£10 ($10) more by train Thing is, he told her that he felt insecure about her being on this site.....yet he's on there prowling around and seemly for 'fresh' meat....hypocrit or what? He also has written on his profile, 'Please stop saying you have been with me, when you havn't, it isn't nice'.....again and obviously not directed at my sis. Think I will call her, spill the beans and tell her to rid herself of this doofus! Thanks for the input, really appreciated This plus the "once bitten, twice shy" things lead me to believe that maybe he is still dealing with a girl from his past. The guy just seems kinda flaky. I wouldn't necessarily cut it off since maybe it's just been a bunch of misinterpretation and your sister does like him. But, I would tell your sister to not focus on him so much. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted December 26, 2008 Author Share Posted December 26, 2008 This plus the "once bitten, twice shy" things lead me to believe that maybe he is still dealing with a girl from his past. The guy just seems kinda flaky. I wouldn't necessarily cut it off since maybe it's just been a bunch of misinterpretation and your sister does like him. But, I would tell your sister to not focus on him so much. Hmmm, or perhaps he has got on with someone since meeting my sis and the other female has 'flaked' on him recently....hence 'once bitten, twice shy'. He's letting the other female know via his profile, that he's dubious of arranging to meet again.... My sis is a pretty girl. She doesn't need waste time on losers like him...for whom seemly, one woman isn't enough. He likely has a few on the go. I'm unsure what she will do, but my guess is, she will dump his a$$! Link to comment
ghost69 Posted December 26, 2008 Share Posted December 26, 2008 he met her once. is he supposed to remove his profile and stop being online? is there some unwritten law for that? he didn't promise her anything did he? he is not committed to her. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted December 26, 2008 Share Posted December 26, 2008 I would suggest that you tell your sister what you have seen. Your sister probably already suspects that he is not being 100% honest with her. If he was really that interested he would not be using the money excuse. It is only an hour away. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted December 26, 2008 Share Posted December 26, 2008 Hmmm, or perhaps he has got on with someone since meeting my sis and the other female has 'flaked' on him recently....hence 'once bitten, twice shy'. He's letting the other female know via his profile, that he's dubious of arranging to meet again.... My sis is a pretty girl. She doesn't need waste time on losers like him...for whom seemly, one woman isn't enough. He likely has a few on the go. I'm unsure what she will do, but my guess is, she will dump his a$$! as long as he's nobody's bf or husband or fiancee i see no problem with his behavior. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted December 26, 2008 Share Posted December 26, 2008 - my impression is: he is evaluating other options but hasn't completely given up on this one so he doesn't want to let her go. He is stringing her along while he comes up with something better than her. - tell your sis to distance herself. keep her options open and plz dont communicate this to the man. - don't nag the man "when are you gonna come see me?" if he would want to he would, he if doesn't he doesn't. - A man who doesn't have extra 30 pound to go see a girl that is important to him? Either he is really broke (I wouldn't date such a man. He need not be rich, but he needs to have some money and 30 pound is nothing. I'm guessing its $60, right?) or the girl is not important for him. He thinks its not the girl worth spending $60 on. - I would close his profile, delete his ID, open the doors to next candidate. - I understand this thing with "once bitten, twice shy". The other day when a man was whining about what a girl did to him, I said calmly but in a firm tone "I understand n I'm sorry, but you have to ask yourself 1 Q. Do YOU want to see yourself married n with kids? if yes, then you have to take a chance with someone. Its okay if you take your time n do your evaluations but you have to slowly show some progress otherwise I'm not gonna stick around. My job is not to nurse your wounds. My job is not to get her out of your head and establish a place for myself there. You have to heal 1st then enter into dating pool. I understand what she did was wrong but I didn't do anything. Why are you holding it against me? If you are gonna approach dating with fear n disbelief, no girl is good enough then. I'm not saying you go there with your eyes closed, no, you take all precautions, you do your homework, but there comes a time when you have to take a leap in faith and if you are constantly gonna have a wall around you, I'm not gonna spend my energies on a man like that, I'm not gonna do the fixing for a damage that someone else caused. You have to come to terms with it." Link to comment
D_Lish Posted December 26, 2008 Author Share Posted December 26, 2008 he met her once. is he supposed to remove his profile and stop being online? is there some unwritten law for that? he didn't promise her anything did he? he is not committed to her. The least this guy owes her, is HONESTY....and if he aint all that into her, then he should be straight and tell her this, tell her that he wishes to see other females and is seeing other females....giving my sis the opportunity to decide for herself, whether she wants to be involved with a guy for whom one woman aint enough. In fact he's doing the opposite. As I said, he is maintaining a consistant contact, is filling her head, with how much he wants to meet her, he can't wait to see her and how he enjoyed their date and other things besides. He is having her believe that there is more to their relationship, than what there is....it is WRONG to lead people on and will only result in, feelings being hurt!!! If he wants to screw around, then he should be honest about it and tell her! Not make out, she is the love of his life!!!! Link to comment
ghost69 Posted December 26, 2008 Share Posted December 26, 2008 he said she is the love of his life after meeting once? i don't fully understand this situation i guess. the guy met her once, says he wants to see her again. i get that. but he is not committed to her yet. i'm not defending his behavior, i'm just trying to figure out why it's so wrong. maybe after a few dates he will want to be exclusive with her and stop altogether. i'm not sure where i see the problem. did he tell her he is NOT seeing anyone else and want to see just her? Link to comment
D_Lish Posted December 26, 2008 Author Share Posted December 26, 2008 Good advice Tinu Im unsure what you mean by 'keep her options open and don't communicate this to the man' however?? Can you explain what you mean by this? Thanks Link to comment
ghost69 Posted December 26, 2008 Share Posted December 26, 2008 Good advice Tinu Im unsure what you mean by 'keep her options open and don't communicate this to the man' however?? Can you explain what you mean by this? Thanks i think she means that your sis should shop around for other guys too. sounds like she has too many eggs in this guy's basket. take some out. also, don't tell the guy you know or have your sister tell him that she knows he's still looking around on the site. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted December 26, 2008 Author Share Posted December 26, 2008 he said she is the love of his life after meeting once? i don't fully understand this situation i guess. the guy met her once, says he wants to see her again. i get that. but he is not committed to her yet. i'm not defending his behavior, i'm just trying to figure out why it's so wrong. maybe after a few dates he will want to be exclusive with her and stop altogether. i'm not sure where i see the problem. did he tell her he is NOT seeing anyone else and want to see just her? She likely assumed he wasn't seeing anyone else and because of the things he says to her. What he says, would lead any woman into believing, that he was really 'into her'... He's insecure that my sis will date other men and wanted assurance she wouldn't.....so why is it ok for him, to seek out other women??? She doesn't go on this site much, so doesn't know of his latest input to his profile. She will in around half an hour tho and when I phone her and tell her to get rid of this 'tool'... Link to comment
D_Lish Posted December 26, 2008 Author Share Posted December 26, 2008 i think she means that your sis should shop around for other guys too. sounds like she has too many eggs in this guy's basket. take some out. also, don't tell the guy you know or have your sister tell him that she knows he's still looking around on the site. Well why shouldn't she reveal she knows what he is up too?? lol So she is supposed to just sit back and allow him to take her for a fool...cut off communication and without explanation as to why?? Link to comment
ghost69 Posted December 26, 2008 Share Posted December 26, 2008 She likely assumed he wasn't seeing anyone else and because of the things he says to her. What he says, would lead any woman into believing, that he was really 'into her'... He's insecure that my sis will date other men and wanted assurance she wouldn't.....so why is it ok for him, to seek out other women??? She doesn't go on this site much, so doesn't know of his latest input to his profile. She will in around half an hour tho and when I phone her and tell her to get rid of this 'tool'... well, never assume anything. especially when you don't know the person. he expects her to not see anybody, yeah, ehhht, wrong, he never committed to her, she can do whatever she wants. i must have missed where he wanted her to be exclusive to him. hmmm....are you sure your sister didn't just jump the gun? i mean, they did only meet once and nothing was discussed for being exclusive as far as i can see. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted December 26, 2008 Share Posted December 26, 2008 Good advice Tinu Im unsure what you mean by 'keep her options open and don't communicate this to the man' however?? Can you explain what you mean by this? Thanks yes, like ghost said, shop around, keep going on dates. and don't share with the man that "I'm going on dates." If he hasn't come clean with what he is doing, she need not come clean and share all her activities n plans either. No exclusivity discussed = not exclusive, shop around! Link to comment
ghost69 Posted December 26, 2008 Share Posted December 26, 2008 Well why shouldn't she reveal she knows what he is up too?? lol So she is supposed to just sit back and allow him to take her for a fool...cut off communication and without explanation as to why?? because he hasn't done anything wrong. he is not committed to her. they are not an item. this also seems to have moved really really fast beyond the one meeting. your sister should be weary of guys that want exclusivity after one meeting. i think that is nuts. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted December 26, 2008 Author Share Posted December 26, 2008 well, never assume anything. especially when you don't know the person. he expects her to not see anybody, yeah, ehhht, wrong, he never committed to her, she can do whatever she wants. i must have missed where he wanted her to be exclusive to him. hmmm....are you sure your sister didn't just jump the gun? i mean, they did only meet once and nothing was discussed for being exclusive as far as i can see. They have only met once yeah and things are not exclusive, my sis is full aware of this....but he calls consistently, says he cant wait to see her again and he will be here, soon as he can afford it. This guy even questions her about other men, questions her as to whehter shes involved elsewhere and he tells her than when he comes to visit, he will be checking her home, for other signs of men!! She has also told me, that she receives phone calls after midnight from a witheld number and she believes it is him, checking up on her and to see if she answers the phone. When she answers, he cuts off the call. He seems to have no trust in her at all. She knows it is him, because nobody else has that certain number. Only he has that number... So it would seem that while he thinks it's ok to mess around with other women and meet them....he doesn't want her doing the same! Link to comment
ghost69 Posted December 26, 2008 Share Posted December 26, 2008 well, he isn't exclusive with her, but i see your thoughts and they are valid. he sounds like a weirdo to be honest lish. says he will check her place for other men? uhh, yeah, get rid of this guy. that's some crazy stuff. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted December 26, 2008 Author Share Posted December 26, 2008 because he hasn't done anything wrong. he is not committed to her. they are not an item. this also seems to have moved really really fast beyond the one meeting. your sister should be weary of guys that want exclusivity after one meeting. i think that is nuts. Well it appears that, he wants her exclusive to him.....but he doesn't want to be, exclusive to her. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted December 26, 2008 Share Posted December 26, 2008 Well it appears that, he wants her exclusive to him.....but he doesn't want to be, exclusive to her. that sounds like player crap. i used to do it. lol. not through a website. but i never committed to a girl and would be jealous if i saw them with another guy. but i still wanted to be hooking up with other girls. but after one meeting like this, i wouldn't be jealous at all like this. plus, he says some weird comments. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted December 26, 2008 Author Share Posted December 26, 2008 that sounds like player crap. i used to do it. lol. not through a website. but i never committed to a girl and would be jealous if i saw them with another guy. but i still wanted to be hooking up with other girls. but after one meeting like this, i wouldn't be jealous at all like this. plus, he says some weird comments. Yeh he does say weird things and makes it appear, like he's really into her. But he's obviously a liar. If a guy is into a girl, he doesn't and wouldn't have a desire, to be still playing the field. She did chat to him, months prior to them meeting btw. He's always been and acted a tad obsessive apparently. Link to comment
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