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Another hopeless case..you've heard it all before


hopelesscas2

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I'm not one to normally seek help online, but my friends are all too tired of my same complaining..usual sob story..and I hate to discuss it to death with them anymore.

 

Anyways I suffer just like everyone else seems to, I want what I can't have and what I can doesn't interest me..

 

The last few years I've been dating pretty regularly, but causal dates. I have a few different girls I'll take out here and there, but mostly doesn't go anywhere. Yes just like everyone else the few I do like never feel the same.

 

I just got back from a few months overseas living with family there and met a really nice girl. We dated for about a month and I was crazy about her and she felt the same. Problem? Yes time to go home... Finally something nice and I have to leave. Well we decided to see what will happen with a long distance relationship with her planning to come visit me soon.

 

But it's not working well, after 1 month now we've been apart longer then together and I feel she is more into it than I am. I really like her a lot maybe too much its just without her here it's hard to move forward at all. At this point we aren't really together and there is a girl I've been crazy about for the last year but like I stated before isn't really interested in me.

 

I find myself more interested in the chance at hanging out with this girl at home then the regular phone calls I get from the girl overseas. And it's frustrating... Anyways you've heard it all before so let me have it with whatever advice you can give..

 

I'm tired of being single just don't wanna be alone anymore.

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Long distance relationships are difficult enough when you live in different states/provinces. But overseas? If you're really that into this girl, then stick with it, because you just never know. But if you're not that into her, then I honestly don't see the point in spending all that energy trying to maintain a super long distance relationship that not even you find viable.

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Dear Hopeless,

 

I can only speak from my perspective. I have been in the same situation you are at now. I was in a longdistance relationship. I traveled to see the other person. I tried my hardest to make things work, I can understand your not wanting to be alone. But I want to know a few things from you... if the overseas girl were here right now, not living with you but here to stay, closer to you, to where you could visit her as often as you wanted do you think you could be happy with her? and If you know the other girl is not interested why pursue it? Don't you think that if something did happen between you two it would be a case of settling on both sides? She would be settling for something that she knows she doesn't want and you would be settling for someone that is giving you thier attention begrudgingly. Neither one would be happy. Answer these questions with simple answers please. Not the "it will never happen" kind. The only reason I say this is because, the craziest part of my breakup with my ex was that we could not handle the distance and being with someone that we knew we couldn't see all the time. Now that we've broken up, that gap will be closed in a couple of months. Where does that leave our relationship? who knows? we've maintained NC for a couple of months I have no intention of telling him I'm moving, because I believe he will think it is because of him. When in reality my career and livleyhood take me to the exact same town where he lives. (Catch22- I want to contact him but I also want to respect his need for space.) I guess what I'm trying to say is with all this is don't throw away something that could be potentially good without giving it the full blown actual try. You see if my ex had been strong enough to wait till christmas he would have found out that we could close the gap and not have to live together but he was not strong enough to do so. I have to live with his decision. When he does see me again I don't know what I will feel for him, I have set my goal to move forward with my plan... come what may. But I will tell you this I may not be the best out there, but I am a good catch. He will never have the opportunity to know that, due to the haste in his decision. Don't miss out due to something that can be overcome. Give the girl that cares about you a chance, talk to her about your future possibilities. Remember that things change, what you may not know could leave you hurting more in the end if you didn't give it a chance, and then end up running into her here.

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