mca1975 Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 Please can anyone share any views. I suffer from this. I have found the most loving, happy and normal relationship but I am finding it hard to go with the flow and am feeling so frightened of how easy it is and how much he cares about me..... Link to comment
EQD Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 i feel your pain my friend.. Link to comment
mca1975 Posted December 22, 2008 Author Share Posted December 22, 2008 do you? please enlighten me. I want to get past this, I was blissfully happy with it all the other day Link to comment
Botched Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 I am lost...could the original poster please clarify. Details please. Link to comment
mca1975 Posted December 22, 2008 Author Share Posted December 22, 2008 All my life, I have gone for bad guys, unattainable ones, tho in my early days I did have relationships, long ones, but they were a struggle. My ex died 5 years ago, since then I have messed around with young fools only to get hurt. I have started a relationship with my best male friend, he is lovely and we care about each other so much and we are very close. He has been in love with me the whole time we have known each other, it was me that eventually went to him and admitted I had feelings in return. Everything has been great and I have never been treated this well in my life, I have never felt happier, but I am plagued by negative thoughts and doubts, tho there is nothing to doubt. It scares me and makes me feel overwhelmed that he actually really likes me and is good to me and I keep talking myself into believing that he is a bad guy, when he is not! I dont want this to drive us apart! Link to comment
waveseer Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 Is it the old, "If you like me there must be something wrong with you." syndrome? Link to comment
mca1975 Posted December 22, 2008 Author Share Posted December 22, 2008 I dont know. I am caught between feeling quite needy of him, but also pushing away. I feel in absolute turmoil and mostly because I am hurting him by feeling like this. I am on the defence with him, I can feel myself feeling so in love but this scares me, he is good and has no bad in him, so maybe I should just be brave and let him hold me until this feeling goes away. I have very bad hangover blues by the way. Link to comment
waveseer Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 It sounds like you need to balance and center yourself. Are there any activities that you do that help you feel on a more even keel? I agree that in the past I have put undue pressure on my relationships because I was emotionally unsteady. As part of my healing process I had to learn new ways to be at peace independently, so I had something to offer a man rather than just being a taker emotionally. Link to comment
Botched Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 I think that losing a loved one early in life may be haunting you. Ready2Heal can speak to a point that may be in play here. (next question) Do you see things, life, as being haphazard and chaotic? Do you keep waiting for things to turn bad? I think you do. You may even blame yourself for things that you never controled, never could control. I may be off, but this would explain so much. Have you had counseling for your loss? Even if you weren't planning to marry, such a loss could be very harmful. Am I way off? Link to comment
John Bendix Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 It sounds like you need to balance and center yourself. Are there any activities that you do that help you feel on a more even keel? I agree that in the past I have put undue pressure on my relationships because I was emotionally unsteady. As part of my healing process I had to learn new ways to be at peace independently, so I had something to offer a man rather than just being a taker emotionally. Best advice! Link to comment
EQD Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 you are just afraid to get hurt again it sounds like. its hard to keep reinvesting in people who always end up going away. those earlier bad boys didnt make too much of an impression on you either probably. you've gotten alot of negative response to allowing yourself to fall in love... Link to comment
mca1975 Posted December 22, 2008 Author Share Posted December 22, 2008 I feel so afraid all the time, of everything. I was meant to meet his parents the other day, I was looking forward to it initially but when it came to it, I couldnt even go I was so distressed. which he was wonderful about. I just felt no confidence at all. I am controlled by my fears. I havent flown in a plane for over 5, since my ex and I flew together, and then he died shortly after. Yes I am always waiting for things to go wrong. I dont know what I'm scared of, because loving him and being loved by him would only bring me a nice happy secure life, which is what I've always wanted. Link to comment
mca1975 Posted December 22, 2008 Author Share Posted December 22, 2008 I have had a small amount of grief-related counselling but have had quite a lot of counselling for relationship problems, issues etc. I am a very anxious, nervous, worrier-type person but on the other hand, I am happy and upbeat and have a huge social circle. Link to comment
Botched Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 I think you have some very natural, yet extreme, issues with that horrifying loss you suffered. I would suggest again to see someone about that situation...look at the flight fear and your fears in general.. Maybe your current SO could join you with some of it. But I think that's where its at. You have a form of post traumatic stress syndrome it seems...but I am no doctor. Try it out. Link to comment
mca1975 Posted December 22, 2008 Author Share Posted December 22, 2008 It feels so strange being in a couple again, yet we get on so well. I keep having this urge to push it away tho, which I dont actually want to do. I feel so nice most of the time with it, I feel very lucky and happy. But something turns him into a monster in my head, which is so unfair. Link to comment
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