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I have a desire to live the revolting lifestyle.


Caldus

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I don't know what it is.

 

I have been, for the most part, a "goody two shoes" type of person throughout my life. I have always made my parents and others happy by excelling in school and not getting into tons of trouble like most teenagers do. There was a short period in high school where I would skip classes a lot and got real bad grades as a result. I would be grounded for all of that, and from there I somehow got out of that funk and never acted that way again.

 

So now I find myself in the real world for a little less than 2 years now. I am still very much that goody two shoes type of guy who gets everything done on time and even goes the extra mile at times at work. For a long time now, I have had a deep desire to just live out what I missed out on -- the revolting lifestyle. That is, for example, getting tattoos, piercings, going to lots of parties, experimenting with drugs, exploring the darker sides of life, NOT pleasing people around me for a change, being real with myself and others, etc. Inside, I always have real odd and screwed up thoughts swirling through my head. I just want out of this fake life I live. At least the revolting type of lifestyle is more exciting and is more honest for myself. I missed out on all of the partying and craziness that a typical teenager goes through. I don't know if that has a big role in all of this or not. But either way, this is how I feel and I am starting to get sick of dressing up all nice and good, go to some place where I don't support its cause yet I dress well for it, be nice and pleasing to everyone, get lots of work done, and then come home and not have anything exciting to ever look forward to. I just want out of that.

 

Am I being utterly stupid here or what? I just don't belong in the corporate world. It's utterly senseless and a world of inefficiency at its best. It slowly drains your soul and you don't even know it. I work with a bunch of people I really just can't relate to well other than typical small talk nonsense. I can't tell them what I am going through in my head. It's just not something they can relate to. I want out of this.

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Dude! The questions you pose never go away...sorry to say. I've been in the corporate grist mill for the past 15 years and the urge to just chuck it all for a radical life nags at me every night. I've tried it before and the only thing I got out of it was a whole lot of hangovers and a lot of pain (physical and emotional).

 

But then again...there are the stories. Good ones that make your friends years later say "What the hell were you thinking".

 

I would say, if you didn't experience the radical life before the responsible life then you need to catch up. It's life.....LIVE IT!

 

Oh, and drink lots of water and two aspirin before going to bed.

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I have tattoos, piercings, I like to party with my friends, travel until we have no money, have experimented, and I love to LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST! But I would not consider myself revolting... nor would I consider my lifestyle revolting.

 

Seconded. I'm not revolting and neither are my friends.

 

Wanting what you don't have is normal, I often wish I could be the high powered office type, but I'm not. It would hurt me to try.

 

That said, you don't have to stay anywhere forever you know... Try breaking out of your habits and going to places and meeting people you wouldn't normally. Have an adventure.

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It sounds as though you've never done the teenager thing of rebelling against your parents, which is part of finding out who you are. In later life, the consequences of doing drugs and being just plain stupid are more serious. (I did some really stupid things when I was a teenager and thoroughly enjoyed all of them. But I didn't have any real responsibility then).

 

But are you sure options aren't open to you now, without sacrificing everything you've worked for? I go to lots of folk festivals, which have a huge contingent of people who were hippies during the 1960's - 70's - and they look it. But at the end of the festival they go back to their jobs as computer programmers, accountants - whatever. While this probably wouldn't be your thing, you don't have to live an entire lifestyle in order to let go the trappings of the corporate world from time to time. There are clubs, festivals and all sorts which would give you the chance to experience something different.

 

As regards the world of your employment - that's a different matter, but you don't need to drop out of society completely in order to have a fulfilling work life. For myself, I've tried various options which would enable me to do my artwork; I now work in mental health, facilitating art & crafts groups on an acute mental health ward. I earn roughly half the money I used to when I was in teaching - but the rewards and job satisfaction are priceless beyond words! If money is essential to the kind of lifestyle you want, you may need to hang on in there while you work out your alternatives. But there are no recorded instances of people on their deathbeds wishing they'd put in more time at the office!

 

If you want to lead a life worth living, you need to work out what the priorities are for you. As part of the process, looking like a punk may work for you (you can always gel a neat haircut into spikes, don't shave for a couple of days and use fake tattoos!). Thing is, you will soon find the 'revolting' lifestyle is just as shallow as the one you're uncomfortable with at the moment, if that's all you have.

 

Whatever you decide, however, stop 'people pleasing' and be yourself. Otherwise you'll lose yourself!

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I would not say that lifestyle is revolting but I would give it serious thought before you leap... Plus that's not a lifestyle you would want to be living for the next 20 years maybe, it will age you really hard. I know for myself about the time I hit 35 (I'm 40 right now), I started getting tired of going out every weekend and getting hammered with my buddies. Don't get me wrong, in my younger days, we were going out Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights and getting hammered and having a blast but it just got old for me over time... I wouldn't say I'm a boring person now days, just more laid back...

 

As far as the tattoos and piercings, I would say go for it as long as you get ones that can be covered up easily when its appropriate. There are still a lot of people out there who think those things are not appropriate for the workplace...

 

I have been in a professional job (engineering) for 12 years now and there have been times I wish would have followed my dream back in college of being a ski bum...work the winter term at a ski resort and attend college during the summer and fall terms. I never got around to it but oh well...

 

One thing I will say, that "other" lifestyle is not very stable. At least from my perspective, I really would not like the thought of not knowing how I'm going to make my mortgage or car payment next month... Just my two cents worth...

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Getting drunk, waking up lying in your own puke, and realizing you had sex with someone but you are not sure who it is (or if was even a guy or a girl) isn't fun; trust me, you didn't miss out on much.

 

Maybe you think your life wasn't too exciting. Oh well.....it was probably better than the alternative.

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It sounds as though you've never done the teenager thing of rebelling against your parents, which is part of finding out who you are. In later life,

 

You are correct. I just never really went through that period. The only kind of revolting behavior I had was not doing well in school and as a result getting grounded. And I did run away from home one time, but it's not the same kind of thing.

 

I understand what you guys are saying that what I said is not really constituted as a revolting lifestyle. I guess I was just trying to throw some examples out there.

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I agree that you need some adventure! That's about all.

 

You just need a safe place to let loose. Other things will clear up and start to click into place once you get some relief from all this pressure and trappings you seem to be feeling.

 

And hey, is it you or someone else's voice labelling a lifestyle that isn't aimed at people pleasing "revolting"? Maybe somewhere along the line, you got the idea that in order to cut loose you have to fall down to the bottom of the heap - but it just ain't true all the time. Whether you go 'dirty' or not isn't really related to how free you'll be or feel - - some of the most imprisoned people I know are people who have taken a trip down the gutter and got sucked in!!

 

Can you give some examples of things you are thinking of doing? What might be fun? What you think might give you some release?

 

I totally agree with Nutbrownhare that it doesn't have to be all or nothing. You can be responsible for your age and without losing the good things that responsibility brings, and still get some excitement. Actually, I think that is WAY BETTER and REWARDING and RICH than either going full out wild (which I did, and if I hadn't resolved now not to regret, I'd regret a lot of the time and choices I made there, just wasted time!). Or, going all straight to the exclusion of staying true to yourself and having the freedom of choice.

 

You can get out any time you want - - that is the beauty part. It's all your own choice.

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I understand what you guys are saying that what I said is not really constituted as a revolting lifestyle. I guess I was just trying to throw some examples out there.

 

Yeah, I always knew you're smarter than the examples you listed. Took me off guard when you mentioned them though.

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I don't think you're being stupid at all. Sounds like you need to do something fun for yourself. And it's not too late to get out of the corporate world if that's what you really want, but do you have an idea of what else you'd want to do?

 

By the way, totally off topic but...linux or mac? Either way, internet high five for that.

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I hear what you're saying about the corporate grind. I've been in it 13-years now and it certainly can suck out your soul if you allow it to. But IMO, doing a full 180-degree turn may not be the best solution. Sounds like you just need to mix it up a bit. There IS more to life than work, but you can broaden your horizons without having to delve into some alternate lifestyle to live life. I"m not saying you shouldn't if you really want to, I'm just saying think about what you really want.

 

I never was into the whole party/drinking/sex with everyone thing and the bit of drinking I did with my X got very, very old. Tattoos? Meh...Too cliche and permanent for me. Piercings are similar.

 

I guess what I"m saying is that maybe do some traveling or take up a new more exciting hobby or something... before you go chucking your "boring" job (especially in this market) to go get a tat and an STD.

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Why be bad? Just do the things you want to without the goodie-two-shoes image in the way. But that isn't to say you have to go rape and pillage. You are so brain washed you think being human is revolting. You think that your desire to be okay with things is being bad...

 

Just untuck your shirt, loosen your belt and belch it all out. Do all of that and quit acting like your becoming a vampire.

 

For the record, I was impotently nice once...people hate it. Realize that you can drink and even have sex and go to parties and dislike people and masterbate and get tattoos and piercings and not call mom one day and still be a pretty decent and nice person.

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If you Do want to be rebellious, at least be a rebel with a clue. LOL IN other words, before embarking on piercings, tats, illicit sex STILL be very cognizant of the longterm effects. There is not much exciting about a tattoo that someone got on a whim and hates it five years later, or maybe a nose ring that once someone is tired of it leaves a permanent scar (not that all people who get one will tire of it, just saying think hard if it could be you), or an STD or unwanted pregnancy with a girl you threw caution to the wind to have sex wtih.

 

Just be a rebel with a clue, that's all. Other than that, have fun if you feel you've been missing out. Just realize that most people who defy society are not always living in eutopia either.

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The grass is always greener. In sounds like you just want to run on the other side, which may or may not be what you expect.

 

As far as your job, try something new. Every job isn't for everyone.

You're still really young, experiment with different things and see what you enjoy. Although, keep in mind EVERY job will have its drawbacks.

 

As far as yourself, everyone wants to experiment, grow, learn and change.

You have every right to. And the desire to do so is perfectly normal.

But I will tell you- Having experienced a lot in my life- No matter what you do, where you go in life, or who you meet- You cannot escape yourself.

Make sure you are doing this to expand upon who you are, not to avoid problems or escape from reality.

 

Every lifestyle has positive and negative attributes.

Everyone experiences boredom from time to time or unhappiness or even envy over the lifestyles of others.

 

If you want to branch out, do so- Making sure you are doing this to revitalize your life and not alter who you are.

Experiences aren't worth having if you aren't being true to yourself while doing them.

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There are two ways to develop a "screw it" attitude.

 

(1) Go to a foreign country.

(2) Be stricken by tragedy.

 

(2) is involuntary. So your main option is (1).

 

Here are the things to do

 

1. Pick a place (Himalayas, Northwest China, Afghanistan, Pakistan, etc.).

2. Do research on it. (E.g. force yourself to read one book about it every week.) Choose a focus (e.g. Himalayan shamanism, the opium trade, Sufism and revolution, etc.)

3. Save up, and then take an extended sick leave.

4. Go there by yourself.

5. Start mingling with sketchy people. In most "adventurous" places - you will find many Westerners in bars. Many of them are dreamers. It's fun to listen to their stories - but know that they only talk stories. They don't really "live the life." Some people are for real. You want to make friends with them.

 

During this time, it's good to call upon supernatural powers.

 

Every Friday, find a time when you feel good just by yourself. Then, invoke Venus. Light a green candle for her, wishing for friendship.

 

Principles

 

(a) Know that everyone has a different reality. It doesn't matter where someone comes from. All that matters is that moment of connection - maybe in the dark corner of a bar somewhere.

 

For instance, maybe you're hardcore Calvinist, but the other person is hardcore Catholic. Maybe his goal is to wipe out Calvinism. It doesn't matter, because if you make friends with him - maybe he will help with your goals unwittingly one day.

 

As long as you know what your goals are, you can make friends with anyone. Take each person as he comes.

 

(b) Keep on improving yourself everyday. E.g. by reading ancient books systematically. Everyone loves cultured people. Culture is authority.

 

After a while, when you feel you've wasted enough time, you can come back to the West. And then you'll see how much you've grown, and how little your former acquaintances have changed...

 

Then you'll truly live the myth of the returned travellor.

 

Final notes on the revolting life

 

Maybe it's arrogant for me to say this - but I'm kinda over the "revolting life." I still go to parties, but it's really a trade-off. You only have so much time in your life. Every party you go to is at least three hours you could have spent studying Latin or Shakespeare or something to improve yourself. It's all about marginal utility.

 

So if you really want to "live the life," don't dabble. Go for it, according to my suggestions above. Then, after several years, you can truly claim some unique experiences of your own.

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Why be bad? Just do the things you want to without the goodie-two-shoes image in the way. But that isn't to say you have to go rape and pillage. You are so brain washed you think being human is revolting. You think that your desire to be okay with things is being bad...

 

Just untuck your shirt, loosen your belt and belch it all out. Do all of that and quit acting like your becoming a vampire.

 

I like this.

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