I miss my girl, and I want to fix this. Please help.

[Imissher]

Hi everyone,

We have a long story here..

 

It all started when I was 16, we started dating when I was living down in FL. She moved to Kansas, and I ended up moving to Kentucky. We continued to pursue our relationship. We are both 18 now.

 

We have everything in common. Same interests, sense of humor, ect. We grew very close very fast. We constantly visited each other even with the distance. She would come stay with me and my family for weeks at a time, and I would go and stay with her and her family for weeks at a time. We talked everyday for hours, up until the breakup. We got engaged at 17 (more of a promise ring than an official engagement ring). She cried so hard when I gave her that ring. She was so happy.

 

My family loves her so much. Everyone accepted her here. Everyone always looked forward to having her come stay with us. Her family was the same way, her father and mother accepted me. Her father let me stay in her room with her, because he knew I cared about her. I had mentioned the idea of marrying (her) to him and he loved the idea because he said I am a good man. He offered me a job out there, but told me if we planned on getting married I would have to get a job first because if I married his daughter I wouldn't be able to be hired because of the union. Her mother also loved me and hugged me often and would give me a kiss on the cheek every time she saw me. Her brothers were the same way. She is the baby of the family with 3 older brothers. All 3 are married and have kids now. All of her brothers loved me also, they all accepted me and had me over into their homes. Their kids usually called me uncle. I never considered that a bad thing, since I had been hoping for a long term relationship with this girl.

 

She always did have a very strong relationship with her brothers. She is super attached, and often she will go over to her closest brothers house on the weekend. When she was staying with me, one of her brothers left Kansas and went to Colorado. She cried her eyes out and said we need to move to Colorado. She is also super close to her nieces and nephews. I think these are all things that made the decision so hard to leave.

 

I know she had the same ideas as me with our relationship. We talked often about what we wanted out of our lives. We both wanted to get married in our early 20's and not long after that start a family. We were planning to have a big family (2-3 kids). I know she thought the same thing. One year she got a baby bib for me as a birthday gift (kind of a joke), but she said we can save it for when we have our first.

 

We did have an argument once and I suggested that maybe we shouldn't consider ourselves engaged yet. That broke her heart and she cried a lot, and told her that our 'engagement' meant everything to her. Of course we worked through this and considered ourselves still engaged.

 

For about the last 6 months, we have begun to talk about her moving in with me. She was supposed to be moving in with me for the school semester. We ended up missing the deadline for class registration, so she ended up staying in Kansas for another semester. She was very emotional about that, she cried for several days, and said we have to get going on it earlier next time. After that, recently this upcoming semester was coming fast. She still talked about moving in together and was very very excited about it. We got her applied for work out here, and she was supposed to move in this month ( Dec 08 ). I had asked her a few times if she was really ready to come out. I didn't want her to come out and freak out if she really didn't want to be here. She always told me of course she wanted to be out here.

 

One day I got a voice message from her. She was crying her eyes out and said that 'some of those things I said about her not being ready to leave Kansas' were right. I called her in a panic trying to fix this, because I truly love this girl. I did not beg her, but I definitely cried. I cried a couple times on the phone with her, because I am truly heartbroken.

 

We talked a couple times since then. It seems the biggest problem is, she told me she is scared of leaving Kansas. She also mentioned being scared of being in such a committed relationship so young since we are both only 18.

 

My first thoughts were that it was another guy. If you all knew her, you would know that this isn't the case. All of her brothers were very hurt by girls leaving them for other girls. She always was very against this and thought a relationship should only end for a good reason and not for another person. Also she was driving with her brother and his wife/kids a couple days before this happened. She was talking to me and them saying how happy she was that she was getting ready to move in with me. I heard her brother and wife talking about how they were so happy for us and they couldn't wait to visit us. My girl told them she would love them to visit us as soon as they can. I did end up asking her straight up, if this was about a guy or if she was interested in another guy. She told me that there was no other guy and she isn't pursuing a relationship. That doesn't mean its not a lie, but I feel in my heart after knowing her all these years that this is not about a guy.

 

I'm not sure what could have caused all these feelings for her. I think she might have serious cold feet about leaving her family, and friends. I'm sure she still loves me, but I don't know. I have talked to her about trying to fix our relationship. She cries and says, 'she cant drag this on'. I don't know what to do. She just said she needed some time alone. I love this girl with all my heart, and I want a life and future with her.

 

I have told her.. we have been physically apart (besides visits) for 2 years. We have had plenty of time to be alone. All this literally changed within a couple days. We went from talking with her family about how we would love a visit from them, to being apart. She also has a dumb friend who was in a bad relationship and thinks that 'all girls should get rid of their serious boyfriends and have fun'. My girl never believed in that, and her friends always seemed to support her being with me. Told her how lucky she was to have what we have so young.

 

After all this happened, I talked to her brother for over an hour. He was shocked that all this happened. He just told me girls are confusing sometimes and often don't know what they want at 18. He wants us to work it out, but of course the relationship isn't based on him.

 

All this happened on Thanksgiving day. We have talked a couple times since then. Last time we talked was on the 10th. I have her necklace here that I got her one Christmas. I asked her if she wanted it (she left it here during her last visit) and she cried and said of course she wants it. I am going to send it back to her, and I was thinking about writing her a letter truly describing how much she means to me.

 

What do you all think I should do? I love this girl so much, and yes I have been in other relationships before this girl. I have never cared about any of them. This girl is my soulmate, we have so much in common, we get along so well, and I there is no doubt in my mind that I want to have a family with this amazing woman. I don't want to lose her. I want her back in my life, I want to be able to hold her again, to feel her against me.

[Imissher]

I really hope I can get some guidance. I'm hurting bad about this.

[waveseer]

Why can't you move to her?

[Imissher]

Why can't you move to her?

 

I suggested this. She said that would make things harder. I think she is afraid of getting closer then having her heart broken. I really don't know what to think. I am trying to give her space, but I miss having her in my life. I tried to talk to her about it, and she just cries and says that will make things harder. I had mentioned military for a while to her, and she said.. 'you can do so much without me' and she keeps crying. :sad:

 

I love her and miss her soo much. :sad:

[waveseer]

I suggested this. She said that would make things harder. I think she is afraid of getting closer then having her heart broken. I really don't know what to think. I am trying to give her space, but I miss having her in my life. I tried to talk to her about it, and she just cries and says that will make things harder. I had mentioned military for a while to her, and she said.. 'you can do so much without me' and she keeps crying.

 

I love her and miss her soo much.

 

This is one of those times when you need to find out if she's just missing you so much that she can no longer bear it. Talk to her family and see what you can find out. If she's just missing you too much, go see her. If she isn't missing you enough, give her some space.

[Maverick212]

I'm going thorugh a similar thing man, believe me i feel for you 100%. None of it makes sense, i know. But like my ex whose 19, your girl is 18. Very young, and she really does not know a life without you. It sounds to me like she wants to be her own person, not to hurt you in any way, but because she has not had her independence. It sucks i know, but what puts you in a better place in her eyes is to give her that space, by not contacting her and begging her back. I can understand man i begged, got me no where. The right thing to do is give her the space. Of course she still loves you and cares, but it's always been about the realationship, now she feels it has to be about her. It sounds selfish on her part i know. But, give her the space, you will look so much more appealing in her eyes if you give her what she wants. You've been a part of her life for so long, she wont forget about you. And the distance and space you give to her, she will eventually miss. Girls are not logical man, they act on impusle. If you love her, give her the space. And take that time to better yourself, nothing is more attractive to a woman than a man who is his own person with or without his girl. Stay strong, you can be your own man without her, show her that. and in no time she will be back. Lots of girls go through this awkward confusing phase, and that's just what it is "a phase." Eventually it will pass. Keep your head up.

[Imissher]

Thank you so much man. It is a very good feeling to hear this. I hope things will work out for the best. I miss her so much, and I just want her to be in my life again.

 

She was not my first girlfriend, and she was also not my only sexual partner, so these are not reasons why I am attached. Yes I am young, and so is she, but we have so much in common. I just wanted to say this so I don't sound like such a pathetic 'kid'.

[Maverick212]

It's not pathetic man, i know what you're going through. You try so hard to rationalize and reason it, but, the truth is, girls are not rational nor reasonable. All girls, and this may not be true in your case, but they all want to feel as if they are too good, and they want to be the one that got away. Showing her you can survive and have just as good time without her, builds your character. And she will see it. They're amazing, somehow they know never to try until you really forget.

[Imissher]

It's not pathetic man, i know what you're going through. You try so hard to rationalize and reason it, but, the truth is, girls are not rational nor reasonable. All girls, and this may not be true in your case, but they all want to feel as if they are too good, and they want to be the one that got away. Showing her you can survive and have just as good time without her, builds your character. And she will see it. They're amazing, somehow they know never to try until you really forget.

 

Hey Mav, she sent me a text today asking me how I am. I'm not sure if I should respond, and if I do, I'm not really sure what I should say.

 

I'd love some feedback. From everyone not just Mav. (no offense Mav your advice has been great).

 

Also, I want to write her a letter telling her how I feel. I'd also add that I'm not begging for her back, but would that be a bad idea? I love this girl, and I'm worried if I don't get the message accross then maybe it will be too late forever..I'm mailing back a necklace that means so much to her. I asked her if she wanted it, and she started crying and said 'of course I want it'

[Maverick212]

i've done the letter thing man, it heals things in the moment, but it dosent heal the overall big picture. Be indifferent, tell her you're fine.

[Imissher]

i've done the letter thing man, it heals things in the moment, but it dosent heal the overall big picture. Be indifferent, tell her you're fine.

 

I sent her back a text just saying, I'm fine. I hope you are well too.

 

I really want to write her a letter man.. We have been apart a while now. Including our last visit, it has to be 3 months or so since we have been together.

 

I am worried that if I do not make a move and let her know how I feel, I will lose her forever. Maybe each day being apart will get easier for her.

[Maverick212]

I am at 3 months too man, believe it still doesn't get better. My ex lives accross th hall from me, it's even harder. I know that feeling of doing nothing, and that time is running out. I'm feeling it now, man, and i just found out she was with someone else a week or ago. I was crushed to the core last night, punched a wall, and really screwed up my hand. it's a long story which i'd actually like to tell you about. But, back to you, stay strong, it's good that she is texting you, which means she thinks about you still. That's good, give her the space man, cuz you making contact constantly will push her away. Keep things casual. Each day apart, makes her miss you more and think. I know because i overheard my ex talking about me yesterday, which i didnt even know she still did. The thing to do, is get her to a point where she fears she may lose you forever. PM me if you need more input man, cause lord knows i could use some too.

[Imissher]

Thats rough man. I'm sorry to hear about that. She only asked me how I was doing in the text though.

 

I'm glad to hear you overheard your lady talking about you though. I'll pm you right now man.

[Imissher]

I feel really bad, its been 2 weeks now since we had a real talk on the phone. Other than that, she has texted me a little bit.

 

However.. I did get an interesting text from her. She asked me how I was, I said 'I'm fine, I hope you are also fine'.

 

She sent me a text back saying.. ''how do you think I feel? i dont even know. ive just been keeping on. pretty numb''. I know she loves me, and I love her. I believe she is very scared of leaving her family, and friends.

 

I don't want to lose this girl though, I have dated plenty of other girls, but I have never cared even 1/10th about them as much as I care about this girl. :sad:

[SighSob]

The thing to do, is get her to a point where she fears she may lose you forever.

 

That's the only thing we can do guys. Hopefully they'll eventually realize what they are doing. Just cross fingers...cause there's only a low chance.