G/F's mother just died..

[rgm1266]

I've had several post here on ENA and you all have been very supportive and right. I've been in a relationship with my G/F for almost 1 year and we've had some good times and bad times (read previous post). But we managed to work out our issues.

 

My G/F's mom has been really sick and passed away this past Sat. I was right there with her in the hospital when she died. I was there for my g/f in helping take care of her mom. Cleaning up the house, taking her to the doctor, and many more things that I wanted to do from my heart.

 

Yesterday my g/f and her brothers and sisters got into an argument about funeral arrangements. When I arrived yesterday at the house, I asked where my g/f was and they told me about the argument and she had left. I called her on the cell and she asked me to meet her at the store. I went to meet her and got into her car to find out what happened. She told me and I just listened and didn't say a word. She cried and cried alot. She caled a female friend of hers and wanted to go see her cause " she's the only one who she can talk to and understands her pain". I was taken back by that comment, but I understand that she is going thru a very difficult time right now. (I lost my mom 16 years ago Mother's Day). I tried to calm her down and did. The she tried to explain to me why she said that her reasons. I told her it was cool and it's all going to be ok. I also told her that she needs to embrace her family and friends during this time. Please don't push them away.

 

So I got her to come back to the house and I thought everything was ok. When she got home at night she called me and said that I was wrong for saying that. She said that I said that in malice and that was uncalled for. I thought what I said was ok. Not to run away and hide. Your friends and fanily are there for you. But she took it the wrong way. She says she's tired and don't need anybody or me, so she broke up with me. I accidentally hung up on her last night and called right back, and of course she didn't pickup the phone.

 

I called her this morning and she still feels that I was wrong for saying that to her. She tells me that I still can go to the wake and funeral this week if I want to. But she says we are thru and aren't getting back together. I know she's hurt by losing her mom, But she shouldn't push the ones her love her away. Then on the other hand all the stuff that I gone thru has really taken its toll on me.

 

My question is, did she say all this out of the hurt and pain that she's feeling? She's just taking her anger out on me? It just amazes me that after all that I've done for her and her mom, she can jsut say these horrible things to me and not want to see me.

 

Thanks,

Rob

[lady00]

I think right now she is going through a lot and I think she's misinterpreted what you said. It sounds like she wants to be on her own right now but it's hard to say whether or not this is a permanent breakup. Sometimes when people are grieving they can push their partner away but then return later. I think that right now you should take what she says at face value and give her space. You should consider it over unless she returns saying she's made a mistake and then you can talk about it. I'm so sorry. This must be rough time all around.

[Lionel Hutz]

Right now she is in a very bad bad place. We lost my g/s mom to alcoholism and the emotions were all accross the spectrum. It went from "we need a break so I can figure out what I want." to "I cant do this without you." Step back, and let her collect whats going on. No rational thinking will come from her right about now. Do as she says, back off, but let her know you are there for her. She may take anything you say the wrong way and use it as a vent. I know its not fair, but don't take it personally. One main thing, if shes not asking for advice, don't give it. Its not helpful right about now, she is going to go through the motions, and things are going to be rough until after the funeral. She will feel like her mother is laid to rest then, and you may have a better chance of talking about it if she allows.

 

With my g/f I just let her vent when she really needed, but outside of that, there was not much more of a solution that I could offer. Best Wishes man, ive been there.

[rgm1266]

I agree with all you said. All I was doing was sitting there in the car and letting her vent, complain, and express her feelings. Then when I said (from personal experience) please don't push your family and friends away. I guess I was wrong for saying that and I've apologize to her.

 

She told me today that I can still go to the wake and funeral tomorrow if I want to. I'm a pall bearer so I should go. Was that her way in asking me to be there? If Ididn't go, that would make it REALLY BAD for me!!

[savignon]

Back up off the relationship stuff for now and just be her friend. Go to the funeral, participate as a pall bearer, give her a hug and then just give her some space to greive. The last thing I would want to have to deal with at a time like that is relationship stuff. I haven't lost either of my parents but I always imagine that I would be completely irrational....who wants flowers/cards/kind words? It's madening...you just want that person back. Be someone she can count on...not someone she has to worry about.

[rgm1266]

Thanks for the advice. I'm going to give her some space. I'm not going to contact her. Be there if she needs me. I guess people handle things different that I did. When I lost my mom, I wanted all my friends and family there with me. My g/f at the time, never left my side. She was so supportive in me and with my family. I'll be there for the wake and funeral the next 2 days...........

 

Thanks,

Rob

[lady00]

Thanks for the advice. I'm going to give her some space. I'm not going to contact her. Be there if she needs me. I guess people handle things different that I did. When I lost my mom, I wanted all my friends and family there with me. My g/f at the time, never left my side. She was so supportive in me and with my family. I'll be there for the wake and funeral the next 2 days...........

 

Thanks,

Rob

 

That sounds like a good plan. Good luck with everything.

[Shyguy24]

I feel for man, its a real tough situation , good luck.