She's a liar! help!

[Anjali S]

Hi,

 

I have one friend who lies and makes up stories to make her life appear more glamorous and exciting than it actually is. Thing is, I can see right through her stories. She lies about her job, her position, her social and love life where she has to ''appear'' superior to me in all aspects.

 

For instance, I was telling her about a job interview I had after I had my cv headhunted online, and then she had to do one better than me and say she was headhunted by a top firm for a 100+K job but she turned them down. This is only part of the rubbish that comes from her mouth and I'm sick of it, it makes me angry afterwards the extent to which she lies to make me look bad. She also makes up stories about her meeting all these guys (and chase her constantly) but has no evidence to back up these stories..i.e photos. It hurts me that she would lie so much as it shows how muuch of a fool/idiot that she thinks I am.

 

I would love to confront her about her imaginary stories but then she might resent that. I could just sit quietly and listen to her crap and say nothing and that would be a waste of time (both mines and hers). How should I approach this situation?

[Loki71]

I just let them sat what they want. Her lies are really not hurting anyone and if you call her out on them then she will be hurt.

[Anjali S]

yea I don't want to hurt her, but I do want her to stop. I feel like she is trying to compete with my but I don't know why?

[Siriana]

She's insecure and unhappy with her life.

[Anjali S]

But I feel like she's trying to make me feel insecure about my life too..

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I have known people like that....it really isn't about trying to make you look foolish...it is about them feeling insecure, inadequate and jealous so they play themselves up. There are two ways to deal with people like that 1) Ignore what they are telling you and see it for the lies they are 2)slowly phase them out of your life. If you confront them on their lies they will only twist it around and claim you are jealous. Another way you can catch them out is to start asking a whole lot of probing questions about what they are telling you....eg. ask what firm tried to hire her, why did she turn them down, what was the job for etc etc. People who fabricate bold faced lies like that will start floundering when you ask more probing questions and they will likely try to change the subject. Keep doing that enough and over time she may stop spewing out the BS as she realizes you are on to her.

[Siriana]

But I feel like she's trying to make me feel insecure about my life too..

 

 

 

Hm, but is that really realistic?

Think about it.

[AngryHeart]

Yeah, she's insecure and unhappy. She's probably also jealous of you and think you have a much better life than her. Which is probably why she seems to have to get "one up" How serious if this friendship? I have a friend like this, I know she lies a lot but she's been my friend for years and I love her. I know she is not doing it to be mean, she is just insecure. So I look past it and see the good parts about her and the good things she does bring into the friendship. However, if it was a fairly new friend and I didn't love them, I would probably say thanks but no thanks to the friendship. I think it depends on how close you are and how much it really affects you. as to what you should do.

[cheekychic]

i wouldn't be able to continue the friendnship with someone like this ... i cannot stand it. i have had friends in the past a bit like this who constantly feel the need to lie about things to seem more interesting and i wouldn't again. you can never have a proper friendship with them coz you dont trust anything that comes out of thier mouth and you are constantly going over what they have said to try n work out if it's a lie or not.

i would say that a true friend would never lie to you about anything

[Anjali S]

Cheekychic - I agree with what your're saying. The whole friendship doesn't seem real and in fact takes lot of energy. She is fun to be around with but this whole lying thing just puts a huge dampener on things. If I stopped being friends with her however, I also would like i'm losing all my friends, as the majority of my close friends are in serious relationships, whereas I'm still single, so they don't have as much time for me anymore as they're too busy these days with their partners.

[NJRon]

Better to have no friends than friends that are trying to drag you down to their level.

[Anjali S]

Do you think so? I feel that if i have no friends, I will have no one to go out with to parties and then meet someone special.

[NJRon]

I never thought to meet people at parties for serious relationships ... not having someone to go out with certainly didn't keep me from pursuing activities on my own until I met people that I would want to be friends with. I believe that certain people can do more harm than good.

 

I definitely believe it's better to have no people to hang with than to be with people that drag you down or wear you out. That's frees up your time to find people that will be supportive and provide fruitful relationships.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Do you think so? I feel that if i have no friends, I will have no one to go out with to parties and then meet someone special.

 

If you are unhappy with her friendship then don't stoop to her level and use her just for someone to go out with. Better to have no friends than to be with somone who treats you like crap.

[Siriana]

Do you think so? I feel that if i have no friends, I will have no one to go out with to parties and then meet someone special.

 

 

Yeah but she sends a bad vibe so you might end up with only weird guys approaching.

[Anjali S]

Thanks a lot for your help guys! The point which everyone seems to be making is that I'm better off without her and that its an unhealthy friendship.. and that there's no point confronting her or trying to get her to change her ways?

 

I guess i agree with this too, but how do I get her out of my life - put an abrupt stop to things (i.e not return her calls/reply to texts/ delete her off facebook) or just slowly phase her out of my life?

She is a relatively new friend but being friends with her is not worth the hassle as I feel as I can't trust her with anything real or important. Another annoying point about her..is that she hardly has any friends herself (bar a couple of annonying, childish ones) but has become friends with my friends, and has added them all on her facebook. So even if I eliminate her, she'll still be involved in my life...through them. If that's makes sense.. I think I'm just ranting now. lol.

[NJRon]

No problem in phasing her out. If she ends up being friends with your friends then you can always hang in a group and see if she changes. My feeling is that birds of a feather flock together. So, if your friends are more like her, you may see them flocking to her... if they are not, then, likely, she will be phased out of the group or just be one of the ancillary friends... the kind you run into here an dthere while out, but not close enough to do any actual harm.