Not this week, how about next week?

[finittz]

So I called up a girl I've been out a few times with, but always in a group of people. Shes a friend of a friend. Anyways, so I got her number (through facebook, I know) and I called her up this past week but she went to bed really early that day and I kind of woke her up, so nothing happened there. She was ok with it, I apologized etc. I saw her again the day after I called with a group of friends. Her friend left early and I ended up taking the public transit near to her house with her, went out of my way to take the buses that she took, but really only added like 5 min extra to my trip home. Anyways, so I didn't ask her out for a date that night because it seemed like she wasn't having the greatest day. We didn't have as much fun as we did the first two times we met.

 

So I called her up today and asked her if she was free tonight and said there was this skating/music thing downtown. She's like, ya I know, but I have this family thing. So I said the skating is happening every night for a while, you free sometime this week? She said, umm not this week, how about sometime next week? I said ya sure, I'll call you up later about it then. This is the weird part, she said something like sorry about that. Don't remember exactly how it went because the whole call just a blurr. But she said "sorry" in that sentence, then I kinda changed the topic to what she was doing this morning and then something like I'll let you get bak to wht you were doing. Then weirdly she said "thanks for calling" and I said "no problem". I have no clue where that came from, it was so unexpected and I just said no problem.....So I need help with figuring out if those are clues to the fact that she isn't interested or is interested? I'm not so good at picking that kind of stuff up.

 

I didn't pursue setting up a time for a week from now, because I have a feeling that was her way of saying she's not so interested.

 

So my question is that do you think that was her way of saying she's not interested? She's a really nice girl, and I think she's the type of girl that probably couldn't say no to a guy like me, because I'm a nice guy, and she would feel really bad about it etc etc. So I have no clue how to read this, could she just be really busy and not have time until next week or was that her way of saying no? If any girls (and also guys) could comment on when they say stuff like that?

 

Thanks a lot for your help.

[fivespot]

Either flat out ask what's going on...like do you see this going anywhere, or do you just want to be friends (if she wants to be just friends, then RUN). Just say you've been picking up on some bad vibes and say you can't tell if she's interested in dating or wants to be just friends.

 

Or a bit more maniuplative...you can say you've met someone else and you're going to hang out with her to try to get to know her, and tell the girl you're interested in that you don't want to give up on her, but tell her you aren't picking up any good signals with her.

 

It's not a good idea to lie, but the way I see it, if you ask a girl if she'd like to hang out with you and she says yes, even though she already knows she isn't attracted to you or isn't interested in dating, then she's lying too.

 

All is fair in love and war.

[finittz]

Thanks fivespot, but I don't think I can be that type of manipulative guy. So I might do something like...well since it'd be weird to call back right now, but if I call back probably sometime next week ask about the skating thing again. And this time if she's still iffy with her answer, say something like are you interested in dating, because if you aren't that's cool, we can just be friends...and then RUN..haha. I really just want a clear cut answer, because I'm kind of getting mixed signals.

 

Any other opinions/comments/suggestions?

[fivespot]

You should probably give it some more time before you start asking the serious questions.

 

Just see if she'll hang out next week first. See how things go for a month. Believe me, if she's into games, she'll keep you around for as long as you're willing to stay.

 

If you start feeling like you aren't getting anywhere, believe me you should take my advice. But don't rush things just yet.

 

I read through your post too fast and didn't realize you didn't even start haning out with her. So take things slow to start. Then start pushing buttons if she keeps stringing you along. Good luck!

[savignon]

I think she's gently trying to tell you she's not interested. maybe get the group to go ice skating and that way it's not a 'date' and you can still get to know each other and see if there's anything there...?

[finittz]

I think she's gently trying to tell you she's not interested. maybe get the group to go ice skating and that way it's not a 'date' and you can still get to know each other and see if there's anything there...?

 

That's what the other night was, with friends...but her contacts were hurting and I think it just wasn't the best night for her. With friends around she was a bit more quiet, but then later when it was just the two of us, we kept some decent conversation going. I don't want to do another friends thing, we've already done three of those.

[donezo]

Asking her if she is interested may get you no where. Some girls have a difficult time being upfront and rejecting men. So they play games, break dates, and be very vague with their availabiliy in the hope the guy receives the message.

 

Call her next week. Then see where it goes. If she repeats what she said the first time you spoke to her, I would forget her.

[Dubb]

Hmm I had a date with a girl tonight who canceled. She offered tomorrow night instead. So soon leads me to think she still has interest. I could be wrong of course.

 

OP. Maybe give her a little and follow up.

[stella74]

So I called her up today and asked her if she was free tonight and said there was this skating/music thing downtown. She's like, ya I know, but I have this family thing. So I said the skating is happening every night for a while, you free sometime this week? She said, umm not this week, how about sometime next week?

 

First of all, if you want to ask a girl out on a date it's best to call at least a few days in advance. You caught her off guard since you asked her to do something that night. It's understandable she'd already have plans, especially since it was a Sat. night. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt since she seemed interested in doing something the following week. I'd suggest calling her this week and telling her you'd like to take her out skating sometime next week. Pick a date and time and ask if she's free. If she seems vague and doesn't want to make any specific plans with you, then she's probably being nice and doesn't want to say no. If she's just busy and wants to see you, she'd most likely suggest another day and you'd need to be flexible and figure out a date & time that works for both of you.

[finittz]

Thanks for your input everyone.

 

Ya, it was short notice. I actually had planned to ask her from the start of the week, but I just couldn't get the courage to do it. Until finally I said screw it and just went for it, but by then it was already the day of. I think I'm leaning towards that being her nice way of saying no. We'll see how the week goes and I'll play it by ear.