Madly in love with best friend

[Jurassicj]

Ok, my best friend (which is a girl) and I are going threw some problems with what our relationship is. She has a BF which used to be my best friend, thats how i met her was threw him. I was always in the middle trying to help them out. For like a year i did nothing but give helpful advise to both. They constanly fight and daily he makes her cry over bs, he treats her like dirt and all. He already cheated on her once, and she found out but went back to him. he went in the marines last summer and me and her were inseparateable best friends, always talked all night long and did everything together while hes gone for months at a time. Even on the phone he makes her cry and feel like crap. So this one night me and her goto a cub together, we danced together the whole night, and we held each other for the first time and we held hands and just had ALOT of body touching. And after the club me and her stayed up and drove around and just was together in the car for like 7 hours straight deeply talking, and at the end of the night/morning she dropped me off and asked if she can have a hug, we hugged very tight. Its unusual for us to express that way to each other bc she is going out with one of my friends. Then the whole week after that she was always bringing up that night, and was saying how amazing it was and how happy she was. Then finally one night i told her how much i care for her, and all she can say was how confused she is, and the next day she said that she also felt more then friends that night at the club, and she said she went to bed everynight confused, thinking about her other crappy relationship and knowing she has options now. And later that week she found out that her BF cheated on her about 6 more times, and she asked me about it, and i confirmed that it all happened, so now her BF thinks i told her, which i really dont care what he thinks. But she still went back to him, and now i can notice how slowly our friendship is decreasing and im really afraid of losing her, because i care for her so so much. And all i do is make her happy and never cause her to frown, and even her close friends tell her to leave her BF for me because i make her so happy. Its the typical girl losing her virginity to the aHole and cant let go. I love her more then anything in the world, and thats something for sure, and i dont have to second guess that at all. I need help on how to make our relationship to where it was at its peak, the week after the club where we were so both happy together. And maybe advise on how to get her to realize that she has no positive future with the aHole, and have such a great life with me. We can talk about anything together, she even said she knows it will be the right thing to do, to leave him but she just cant.

[Jurassicj]

Ive been reading alot about the NO CONTACT RULE, and i was also wondering if i could try this with my best friend, i mean we always talked about every single thing and always were so so happy when we talk or when we are together. I was thinking a No Contact for a week or 2, could make her realize how much i mean to her in her life. But i dont know if it works in best friends situations

[bb13]

I hope that someone can shine some light on this situation because I am in an extremely similar situation. I want to try the no contact thing but I think I would go mad without seeing her for even two weeks. I hope someone can help you

[Jurassicj]

Please if you view this, reply with any knowledge you know, the littlest thing you say can help so much.

[Jurassicj]

please anybody??

[Fett50115]

You know. I was on the internet thinking about Valentines day and the girl that in in love with. So google I was typign in random stuff just to pass time. to get my thoughts out in a werid way and some how I ended up here. I only regestered to answer your post. So when I say I have empthy, I can't mean that more.

I can't tell you want to do with your love life, but I can tell you what I did in a simlar situlation. Maybe from my decision and outcome you get get some insiration.

 

In sophmore year of High school I sat next to this girl Named Nadia. "oh hey there!" Nothign special. very actractive but I never made anything out of it. We always goofed off in class, and even talked to eachother about our relationships. By next year she was an important part of our group of friends. Even though a girl, she was accepted as a guy in the sense of "hey want to coem over and do nothing but play video games?" "ok^_^!". I happened to be the center of attention in my group of friends so I always spent time with her. Always. By Senior year, I just got though a tough relationship which left me absolutely heart broken. It toke me a year to get over that one. At the same time Nadia was dating one of my best friends. James. They were together since my relationship that crashed an burned. A year cycles and there relationship hits rough water. I see her sad and it affected me. I did care but I also never imaged it to be bigger then a strong friendship. I tired to cheer her up and you know I did. When I was down, she was the first to notice. By Graduation Nadia and James are ready to break but they dont until we get to an anime convention. We all shared a room. Just when there relationship went to hell. I spend time with Nadia still after there break up. Just as a friend. I didn't want to hurt my friend knowing they used to date but you know it was just to strong. Just like you, I damaged a friendship by getting closer to someone I care about but you cant let that feeling go, it there cause it matters. I didn't an over time we got together during that summer. That was almost a year ago and for the first 6 months James hated me but I refused to hate him. Over time, He was abel to move on, and while not as close friends as we used to be, we still hold a friendship and a friend, no a best friend that I had for nearly 4 years of my life, I now date. thats the last thing I saw coming but its that bond of friendship that will make a relationship last. in my opinion many relationships fails cause they dont have that bond. And you sir, have that same thing, I think you need to not only tell her how much you care but show it. Not in some mushy, TV style, I cant live with out you style. Be human and go up to her, hey, I love you. Take that friendship and shape it into the best relationship possible. If a relationship doesn't work out, what do you lose? a title and benefits. She will always be your close friend and you 2 will still grow up and share life with eachother, wheather your together or not. Why is it not worth the shot? If you feel that yoru friendship wont feel the same if it doesn twork out, yoru right but you also need to give that time to repair to the way it used to be. I think that those cons are nothing to the pros that you can make out of this.

 

If you want to chat more about this issue, id be glad to or to anyone. Please E-mail me at email removed

 

"love just is

whatever it may be

love just is

you and me"

 

good luck JurassicJ and since I went out of my way to share, I would really appicate a response. Thank you^_^

 

-Chris

[Jurassicj]

thank you very very much for taking your time to shed some light on it.

[jjonjjones]

man listen, personally i think she's just a hard head. i see this problem with friends of mine who are full package great girls, but just dont get it. even if things mess up with this guy shes with, thats no guarantee she'll go for you. you gotta know that. if you're really adamant about this girl - and personally i'd keep loking around - but you're going to have to do the opposit of this no contact thing. you should just simply recreate the club thing. both of you mst have known going into the club thing that the two of you were going to a club alone, no boyfriend, and you were pretty close. man shes already admitted to having feelings for you by saying she was 'confused'. you have to go back to aclub with just her(if thats how it was in the beginning) again. but when you're holding her tight this time, and you're both into it again, make your move. the way i see it she's so physically connected to this guy that you'll need to create that with her. your close touching at the club, while a bit gutsy, though not totally, sows you have guts, but more needs to be done.you do that, and you'll be giving her more to think about. she already knows you like her man, so going in for a kiss wouldnt be a stretch.

oh and make sure its the same club so there are less unknowns in the situation.

other than that man, you dont do that, and youll just keep talking and being good friends. another guy will come, and another, etc. i know from experience. then youd just have to stay good friends and move on (like i eventually did). recreate the club experience and go for a few kises, not just some peck on the lips. you lead she should follow. the best thing you can do is make her more 'confused'. then things will start to balance in your favor as the 'good' guy starts to look a bit more like he's got an edge. show her you've got confidence.