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Let it out.


mellybelly

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I thought I would start a thread for those of us dealing with a loss where we can discuss whatever we want relating to our experience. How we are feeling, coping, memories of our loved ones...anything. Just a place to share and express what we are going through.

 

HUGS~

melly

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awww, I can imagine V! What did you do on that day? : /

 

I think for awhile I was pushing myself a bit...to go out with friends, face the world, etc. And sometimes it would help....but right now I just don't feel like doing anything and don't want to make any efforts. Scares me feeling so empty. I feel bad pulling away from people again too. I just feel like I want to be in my own little world lately. I'm tired of pretending.

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awww, I can imagine V! What did you do on that day? : /

 

I think for awhile I was pushing myself a bit...to go out with friends, face the world, etc. And sometimes it would help....but right now I just don't feel like doing anything and don't want to make any efforts. Scares me feeling so empty. I feel bad pulling away from people again too. I just feel like I want to be in my own little world lately. I'm tired of pretending.

 

Melly let the grief go it's course. Don't force something that it is not as that will only hinder your grieving. If I could I would take all your pain away from you *hugs* Your a beautiful, kind and sweet soul.

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The other day I had to tell someone I hadn't seen for a long time that Cassie was dead and I realised that it still stuns me paralysed every time I am forced to make that statement.

 

I had to do something similar recently, strange thing is it came out of me in a kind of robotical way. It shook me up more that she didn't know.

 

Just over a month ago Lisa's father got in contact with me and he didn't have a clue. I completely broke down....horrible feeling.

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I found myself thinking about things again last night. Sometimes I have no idea what I'm supposed to do with these memories.........

 

Youn wrap your love for her around them, and keep them close to your heart.

Sometimes it hurts to remember, but the alternative would be far worse.

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thank you everyone for your support...it means so much.

 

The other day I had to tell someone I hadn't seen for a long time that Cassie was dead and I realised that it still stuns me paralysed every time I am forced to make that statement.

I hate those moments. This is constantly something I am dealing with, but I still just can't believe it's real as I'm saying those words.

 

I found myself thinking about things again last night. Sometimes I have no idea what I'm supposed to do with these memories.........

I feel you Dags. I carry mine with me always, that's all I can say. I was with my family and they wanted to get some movies, and I said I couldn't watch the newest Batman that just came out because it was the last movie I saw with Michael....that and Wall-E (which we were obsessed with. any time I see anything Wall-E related I have to restrain myself from bursting into tears) and my dad said,"Are you just going to forget about Michael? You should embrace these things"...I had to explain to him that mostly I do embrace everything, but there are some things I just can't deal with right now. I think about Michael all of the time...but sometimes a certain memory will pop up and I can't let myself think about it for too long or I will just abolutely lose it. : /

 

Maybe send to her in heaven if you believe in it? I know some do not. I believe in heaven and that when we go there we become perfect. Send her all your love and grief? She understands and she can send you back the love and healing you need.

 

Youn wrap your love for her around them, and keep them close to your heart.

Sometimes it hurts to remember, but the alternative would be far worse.

I agree with both V and KG.

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OH CC, so many hugs for you.

 

I cried reading through your post. Even though Michael and Francisco's deaths are completely different, I see how you too are plagued with the what ifs, because his death was accidental. It's torture thinking of those...I try not to, but they have a way of creeping up on you, and it's like your mind just goes full force trying to work out something that could never have been, but that you still desperately want for, something to have made it happen differently, to have made it never happen at all. Thank you fo sharing CC. It reminds me and humbles me that there is no easy way to lose anyone we love. Sometimes I go over in my head that any other way for Michael dying would make it even the slightest bit easier, but that's not true.

 

I'm glad Francisco was full of your love in those last minutes here.

 

It's just so unfair what happened!! I too go over in my mind about what if I had gotten to Michael in time...would he have died another way, another time soon?

 

And I feel like I will forever be waiting too. I feel homesick for my life with Michael. Our heaven together.

 

There is a purpose for us though girl. We've got to hang on. I wish so much we weren't dealt these hard paths. If it can bring us anything, I hope it brings us more love for others in pain, more understanding and more strength.

 

Love you girl.

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There have been times I have blamed myself for not being able to save Lisa, I've talked about it before and I know why I do it. The truth is that if we would have had any clue that something would happen to the one person that we loved more than anything then we would have moved heaven and earth to stop it from happening. Hindsight can be very cruel at times.

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There is a purpose for us though girl. We've got to hang on. I wish so much we weren't dealt these hard paths. If it can bring us anything, I hope it brings us more love for others in pain, more understanding and more strength.

 

Love you girl.

 

thankyou Melly, love to you. Thankyou for your support you are a wonderful soul, a good friend.

One day we will all have our heaven. But the in between bit is so hard, it feels like I am living a different life, someone else's life. It is hard and I am so tired.

Hoping I can find my purpose soon, sometimes grieving just seems so endless.

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thankyou Melly, love to you. Thankyou for your support you are a wonderful soul, a good friend.

One day we will all have our heaven. But the in between bit is so hard, it feels like I am living a different life, someone else's life. It is hard and I am so tired.

Hoping I can find my purpose soon, sometimes grieving just seems so endless.

 

I definitely know how you feel girl. I feel like my life is all a haze now. How could this have happened? Where did that happy girl go?

 

I hope you find your purpose too. I know how it feels to feel so lost and be wandering.

 

Love you girl.

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There have been times I have blamed myself for not being able to save Lisa, I've talked about it before and I know why I do it. The truth is that if we would have had any clue that something would happen to the one person that we loved more than anything then we would have moved heaven and earth to stop it from happening. Hindsight can be very cruel at times.

 

So true Dags.

 

HUGS.

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Having a really hard time right now.

 

I'm so tired of missing Michael.

 

I feel so alone. I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I wish I could find some answers. I wish I could talk to Michael. I wish life didn't have to be so hard. Sometimes I just don't feel strong enough for this!

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