THINKING WITH...HEART OR HEAD?????

[Brneyegirll]

I WAS JUST WONDERING IF WHEN MAKING DECISIONS IN BEING/STAYING IN A RELATIONSHIP, SHOULD YOU GO WITH WHAT YOUR HEART TELLS YOU OR YOUR HEAD(THINKING)?

ALSO, WHEN 2 PEOPLE ARE "MADLY IN lOVE" WITH EACH OTHER, DO THEY BOTH TEND TO DO/SAY CRAZY THINGS? IS PULLING FORWARD AND BACKWARD NORMAL?

I HAVE BEEN GOING WITH A GUY(44 YRS OLD) FOR 4 MONTHS.(IM 36) HE HAS NEVER BEEN MARRIED OR HAD CHILDREN AND IM SCARED HE WILL NEVER COMMITT. AND IM COMING FROM AN ALMOST PERFECT MARRIAGE OF 12 YRS(MY HUSBAND PASSED AWAY). IM USED TO TALKING, COMMUNICATING,TRUSTING..ETC.

HE REALLY HAS NEVER HAD A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP. DO YOU THINK THERES ANY HOPE FOR US??

[inastate]

There might be some hope for you if you would turn off caps lock.

 

All the questions and issues you raised can only be resolved by you and your guy communicating and sharing your thoughts, feelings and concerns with each other. If you have concerns that he will never commit, what could make you resolve this? Have you actually told him that you this is an issue in the relationship? Why do you think that he won't commit? Simply because of his track record in relationships?

 

There are many things you should discuss with him and resolve so that you can progress and make the relationship and strong and happy one.

 

Of course there is hope! Talk to him!

[amilasiu]

44 years without kids or marriage or other healthy relationship does indicate a deep fear of commitment and perhaps a lack of understanding about what it means to have a relatioship with others. I am with a 39 year old with the same... ehem... predicament and was considering at a point if I should stay or I should go. I chose to stay but with a realization that commitment may never happen (even a healthy relationship sometimes can not solve these personal emotional issues).

 

Anyways, if you choose to stay with him, you will have to be the emotionally intelligent one: since you have experienced good commited relationships you would need to "educate" him in that and help him resolve these fears. There will be lots of pulling backwards and forwards, some love games and uncertainty from his side. However, if there is progress, there might be success.