Should I go on with this friendship like this (Please HELP!)

[blackwidow]

I would really appreciate if anyone could tell me what to do.

 

She was a real good friend of mine. I used to tell her everything about myself and she used to tell me everything about herself. being of the opposite sex our friendship had its limits. but recently we had a fight about something.

 

My phone was dead and i borrowed her phone to make an important call. After i finished the call, i was just playing around with her phone and happened to read some of the text messages that she had got, without her permission. All the messages on her phone was of my friend febin.

 

she always told me that febin was her good friend. but from the messages i felt that the relationship that they shared was more than friendship. it seemed like they were going out together. I feld hurt because she did not tell me anything this.

 

as soon as she found out that i was reading her text messages, she got very angry with me like never before for reading her "personal" messages. when it came to our friendship there was nothing "personal" between us because i knew everything that she knew and she knew everything that i knew. but this was something that she was hiding from me. It might have been because she was too shy to tell me about her love affairs.

 

I appologized for reading her messages without her permission but it was all in vain. that evening i rang her up but she did not answer the phone because she knew that it was me. i sent her a text saying that if she does not answer the phone again, she would loose a good friend. she still did not answer the phone. later that day i received a text saying " bye....god friend." i was so hurt that night and could not sleep well.

 

I later found out from one of my other friends that she was going out with febin. i called her again next day. this time she answered the phone. i asked her why she did not tell me about the affar that she had with febin. She got very angry this time and said that febin was just a good friend and banged down the phone saying that she would never talk to me again because i didnt understand her that much that she would go out with febin.

 

i called her a few times later and she did not answer the phone.

 

Please tell me what i should do now.

[Beec]

Well, you were wrong checking out her messages. You have apologized, but it seems like the apology has fallen on deaf ears, so to speak. She does not want to listen or accept your apologies because of how she feels you have hurt her. By continuing to chase her to talk to her, by threatening her with the loss of a friendship, etc., you;ve done more the drive her away. She's mad at you and wants to be mad, and if she wants to keep something private, from you, shouldn't she be able to?? What do you do now, if you still want to be friends? Give her some time and space, at least -- bare minimum a month, then try another apology.

[inastate]

Its unfortunate you had to find out accidently by reading the messages on her phone, but really how much of a friend could she have possibly been if she has decided to end the friendship over something as trivial as this?!

 

But I think that you were in the wrong a little bit as well - she said you could make an important call because your phone did not work (as a friend should), but she did not say you can use my phone to make an important call and then play around with and read my private text messages to/from Febin - which is what you actually did.

 

I can only guess that she really, really values her privacy and by you reading private messages without her permission, whether by accident or not, you have gone further than the limits of the friendship can handle.

 

If you still want to be friends with her, then as Beec suggested, I think you should wait a while (after she has calmed down) and try again.

[UnSweetMe]

i just thought i'd give you a girl's point of view on this...

 

it seems to me that she's very hurt by what you did. by now, i'm sure you know more than ever how wrong you were. although you were very good friends, you she still has "personal" space and private thoughts and feelings as well as other things she may choose not to share with you. i think you need to give her space and let her be for awhile. perhaps in time she may be able to forgive you and you can be friends again. but one thing's for sure, trust will be an issue for a long time.

as far as using your friendship hostage for her to talk to you. that was the biggest mistake you made. i feel that that was childish and hurtful. of this whole situation...that's probably the one thing that drove her to care less about losing you. i don't mean to be hurtful to you. after all, you are mourning the loss of a friendship. however, it's probably best that you know and understand the mistakes that you made in this situation so that you hopefully will not make them again in the future. i wish you good luck in your relationships...and hope for the best and be patient.

[bb13]

I agree that you should give her space. After a while apart, you should give her a really heartfelt apology. Write her a letter that says how sorry you are and how much you miss her in your life as a friend. She may feel the same way. She should be able to forgive you for something like that but the trust issue will still be a factor. And dont expect to borrow her phone anytime soon. well, Good Luck.