Why would he want pictures instead of me?

[Melanie1607306431]

I recently got married. When we were engaged, my husband and I were not able to see eachother as often as we liked. We each have a high sex drive, and I was aware that he went on the internet quite a bit--specifically, porn sites. This did not bother me as I believe being visually stimulated is very normal.

 

However, now that we're married, my husband is at home in the daytime while I work. He told me the other day that he masturbates at least once a day and sometimes twice. Meanwhile, we "went without" several times recently when I was in the mood, and when we do make love, he only ejaculates once in a while.

 

He told me that sometimes he's "just not in the mood"...only hours after telling me that he masturbates twice a day! I got upset and told him I'm sick of competing with perfect women who have perfect bodies--those porn models are built much better than any dieting, exercise or surgery could ever make me. He got angry and told me that I'm insecure. Well, duh...that's the point!!

 

Why would he want pictures instead of me? It's certainly not for lack of spice in our bedroom. So far we've done almost everything I've seen, read or even heard about. Why am I not attractive enough for my husband? It's killing my sex drive now too.

[kamurj]

I bet you're a frigid bitch who won't do anal and doesn't like the taste of cum along with being fat and ugly. Take a good look at yourself and start working on your appearance then maybe your husband might be able to have sex with you without having to imagine he's having sex with someone else. The women in porn have those bodies because they work out and have surgery. Why can't you do the same? I think your husband is better off without you afterall he can always buy sex with a woman for a small price. How are you ever going to find a guy who'll want to have sex with you if you're as unattractive as I think you are? You'd be surprised to know how many men would swap their wife for a porn star anyday.

[kamurj]

why are you guys so blind to see that these stupid, useless porn sites/ magazines etc. are breaking up marriages and destroying relationships. It's disgusting.

[kamurj]

i ***in hate porn too i have a longterm relationship and since my boyfriend has had the internet and started lookin at porn we keep drifting i mean he has even refused two blowjobs!! now that is not bloody normal.i think porn is bloody disgusting and the thought that he is sexually aroused by another woman makes me feel physically sick.

[Ladagun]

Unlike TommyD's stupidity, frigidity can be treated (if it really is a case) and bodies can be shaped with working out. The women in porn sites look great! good! but that is due to the work of several people, good light, etc etc. But I am sure the problem is not that they look good. Our male friends have told my husband, in different ocasions that I am an atractive woman. I do not make any comment on this. But I know he really is proud to go out with me, a few times I told him I do not insist to accompany him when meeting his friends but no... we sais it is his pleasure to be with me. So much for any kind of pleasure I am allowed to give him! When I discovered his exagerate interest in virtual sex my first though was that I am definetelly NOT the woman for him as everything was going on in my back. So I considered separation an option. He didn't want to hear about it! (I guess I cook good...) So that was the moment when a nice love story that started in the city of love, Venice, begun to transform into a Police action ... I am coming from work and I find hair from the special parts on the keyboard. I told him it is not ok. Now he cleans the keyboard but I still can find it on the floor. He does not work so the hours when I am at work I have almost crises of nerves thinking that yes, I am doing my best to earn money and make a future while he must be just rubbing the thing... hehehe, nice life! If anyone would have told me years ago that I'll get married and my husband will inform me, two damn' weeks after the event that he is adicted to masturbation I would have laughed and consider the person idiot, stupid, crazy.

Yeah... today he did not do it he confessed (like I am his priest or psychiatrist) but he surfed a bit on sex sites. Why??? Because it is an old habbit. Old habbits new families do not go along together. This is the lesson my husband will soon learn.

So, should I believe he did not do it today?

Hmmm... Elementarry, my dear Watson.

[Wondering_Woman]

You are so wrong in your assumptions in how the author of this post looks.

Im having a problem myself with my hubby looking at porn. I dint have a problem with when we did it together, or until I have discovered it is an almost daily thing now.

I myself am 5'7, 120lbs, blonde hair (all the way down too!), blue eyes. I get plenty of attention when I am out and about. I get flirted with quite a bit. So, I am not ugly or fat.

I am also not frigid. I like anal, I like the taste of him, I like sex about anyway we can cum up with. Period. Frequently too. We used to have it four or five times a week. Its been that often, and good, for the past nine years. But here in the past three or four months, I am losing my interest because it sucks knowing he is paying so much attention to an image on a monitor. I think about it when we are having sex. I wonder if he is reliving what he saw online, seeing in his mind what he watched online earlier that day. And quite frankly it turns me off, and I just want to let him finish, and could care less if I came or not. By his own actions of seeking out porn sites so often, he is pushing away a real live one, that actually compares physically and sexually to the ones he looks at online!

[Sage Eagle]

Sorry to hear of your situations.

 

I think there are alot of men that have an addiction to atleast some degree. I don't know what the statistics are of men that grow out of it and men that do not.

 

Personally, I have in the past, been a user of porn. I'm not completely ashamed of myself. I think it's something that more men than women go through. While men are usually the one's struggling with their addiction to porn, women are usually the one's with the toys, (which by no means should be considered a bad thing). People use these tools to let off steam. It can be considered a "Quick Fix".

 

However, if you simply cannot stomach your boyfriend, husband or son to continue using porn, here is a site that may be of some use to you.

 

Live well

 

Sage Eagle

[Egypt]

I am sorry to say this but I have found it to be true. It wouldn't matter what we looked like our men are still going to like porn. You should just be happy with it just being that. I'd rather my man look at porn all day long then to cheat. Why can't you look at him with him. My ex husband and my soon to be husband say the same thing

 

Every man wants a lady outside the bedroom and a whore in the bedroom. I am sure that this isn't the case with all men but I wouuld tend to say it is with a lot. What I did is instead of seperating myself from my man is just went along for the ride which I found to be quite enjoyable. Something else you can do is be his porn queen. Why don't you sit and watch a porno and analize it then you can see what it is that your man may be wanting that he isn't getting from you. I know that they way it makes you feel just plain sucks but (not being mean) just get over it. That's all you can do. It probably has nothing to do with you. Just be his little porn queen and do the things that seem forbidden. If you can't do that then stop complaining because this is reality and porn is always going to be here.

 

Egypt

[Ladagun]

You do not see the problem. We're talking here about addiction, about men who would lose their jobs just because they surf for porn for hours and hours, day and night.

[Egypt]

I didn't mean to sound cruel or mean. I understand your feelings trust me I really do. I have been there and it left me as an emotional train wreck day and night. I couldn't even think of anything else. Everytime a woman would even come on T.V. I was wondering if my man was wanting to have sex with her. I remember one night us laying on the couch and he was watching a porno. I remember watching him to see if he was going to get a hard on. Well, of course he did. Porn just turns them on. I was upest with him about that but never said anything until him recently when he told me about that paticular night. He said he got scared because he was getting a hard on. Then I asked him the dumbest question of all. I asked him if when he was watcing it was he fantazing about being with that woman on T.V. well he said it was about 50/50 you can imagne my hurt. I honestly did not stop having a problem with my man and porn until 2 and a half days ago. Then I realized hey I can do the same thing he is. No to wrongs don't make a right but if he can do it I can do. I realzied how to play the game and it saved my realtionship. I am not saying that this will work for you because my man is different then anyone you will ever meet. To him it is a game. He likes going out to the bars with me and acting like he is going to take some girl home. He really doesn't want to. He just wants to see if he can. It makes him feel good about himself. He likes for me to do the same thing. For me to get some guy all worked up and make him think that he is going to get me to go home with him and then to drop the bomb. It may not be right. I still have a moral issue with it because it is playing with peoples emotions but, this saved us. I love my finance more than anything in this world and if playing the game with him keeps him happy, from cheating, and being with me in a happy fulfiling relationship then so be it. The best thing I can tell you to do is that if it is as bad as you have stated you can't help him. Nothing you can do or say will fix it or make it any better. It can only make it worse. The best you can do is one time and one time only sit and talk to him about it. Tell him how it makes you feel and how you think it is affecting your relationship. Then tell him that you feel that he may have not a porn addiction but, a lust addiction. Seriously don't say porn addiction because then he is just going to use the excuse that all men all like that. Call it a lust addiction. He may try to use the same excuse but then turn it around and say that you don't do it to him. Because you don't right. Sad thing is he won't get help unless he realzies that he has a problem. You have to map out why you think this is becoming a problem in his life and your relationship. Only he can understand his problem. You can only show him the door he has to choose to walk through it. I really hope that you can get this worked out. I know how this feels for you I swear I do. I was ready to kill myself. I am not kidding. Reason is that this is not the first time that this has happened. So I always assumed it was me. It's not. And it's not you either. GOOD LUCK!!!!

 

Lots of Hugs

[blumblumshub]

Heh, I see there are some nasty people on this board. That's normal, ignore them, they are merely attacking to detract from their own insecurities.

 

I believe that there's nothing wrong with you, and that there's nothing wrong with him except that he should realise that the more he masturbates the less he'll feel like real sex.

 

You have nothing to feel insecure about. It's not that he would rather have someone that's got a perfect body, or anything like that, at least not normally. It's usually just that they are horny at the wrong time.

 

Take care, and ignore the idiots that have nothing positive to contribute. Every forum has them.

Blum

[m3chris]

Any woman that doesn't like porn, and puts up with it to stay with their husband has a large amount of courage. Its not easy to have to deal with the every day sharp-pain that resides in between your stomach and heart. Having to hold back the tears when you see him because you want to be the only one he looks at, and enjoys looking at. I mean, isn't marriage supposed to be about COMPLETE loyalty?

 

As much as everyone would like to say that porn is an OK thing, its not OK unless its OK with both of you. You are half and should be an equal part of the relationship. The best idea actually comes from "Egypt". I wouldn't suggest doing what she is doing specifically, but see if you can both come to a common ground. Don't make him quit cold turkey cause it won't happen. If you want him to quit permanently, he needs to want it himself, and not be nagged into it.

 

Its a long tough ride.....REALLY TOUGH!!! But if you make it through this...you can make it through anything.

[cleo9]

I could probably accept the fact that my boyfriend constantly looks at porn if he didn't try lie to me about it. A few days ago I found some porn he downloaded and when I asked him about it he said he hasn't looked at porn for months. He knows that it really bugs me and tells me how beautiful I'm, but that make me feel patronized and unattractive. If he really thinks I'm beautiful why look at porn? And it's not like I don't try to new bedroom activities either. When I try to talk to him about it he just says that's what men do-look at porn.